Monday's Marriage Moment -- It's Not Under the Tree

“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal.  For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
-Matthew 6:19 - 21

I am sure that Christ was not born on December 25, but I also am sure that it doesn't matter what day He was born on. What really matters is that He was born. Jesus truly is the reason for the season. This is a time for us to acknowledge the gift He is to us. It is a time of love and celebration.

Though this is a time of love and celebration, I recognize that there are some that are experiencing grief, hurt, and pain. I have loved ones that are experiencing pain that there are no words for, and my heart is truly with them -- not just my heart, but my words, my presence, and my care is right there for them and with them. That's what family is about.

See, this is what I think God envisioned as I celebrate Christmas. I think He saw families drawn together by bonds of love. I believe He saw people who cover each other, love each other, and look past each other's faults. I believe this was His idea of marriage and, ultimately, family. He wanted people joined together as one who would produce others like them in an unending lineage of love.

I believe He saw that there would be both joys and pains, and He knew that we needed others to help us through those difficult times and celebrate the great ones with us. He wanted interdependence and community, and as I get older so do I.

So, my treasure was not under a tree this year. My treasure is in the comfort of a savior who loves me enough to desire relationship with me and who blesses me with so many good things:

• the amazing family that He has given me natural and acquired -- people who call just to say hi, rub your shoulders and try to make you laugh when you are hurt, and those who you enjoy so much you hate to leave them; 
• the car ride with John where we talk about our future, hold hands, and remember where God has brought us from;talks with the Cheek babies, laughing at them while they laugh at me, and being their listening ear and advocate. 
• an amazing opportunity to minister His goodness to others who challenge and grow me as much as I challenge and grow them

My treasure is not material. It can not rust or decay, but it is certainly priceless. Take the time today to squeeze your loved ones a little tighter and hug them a little longer. God has given you amazing gifts in your spouse, your children, and your family. Celebrate them!

Monday's Marriage Moment -- Have You Lingered Too Long?

When the morning dawned, the angels urged Lot to hurry, saying, “Arise, take your wife and your two daughters who are here, lest you be consumed in the punishment of the city.” And while he lingered, the men took hold of his hand, his wife’s hand, and the hands of his two daughters, the Lord being merciful to him, and they brought him out and set him outside the city.
-Genesis 19:15-16

I have heard and read the account of Lot and the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah more times than I can name. Many times the speaker highlights Lot's wife - how she looked back and was turned into a pillar of salt. That is a huge part of the account, but I was reading this passage over the weekend and something new jumped out at me. Look at verse 16: And while he lingered, the men took hold of his hand, his wife’s hand, and the hands of his two daughters, the Lord being merciful to him, and they brought him out and set him outside the city.

The very first part of that passage leaped off the page: and while he lingered. Lot lingered. He did not want to leave. Linger is defined as "to remain or stay on in a place longer than is usual or expected, as if from reluctance to leave" (dictionary.com). Lot did not want to leave. This place was filled with perversion and wickedness, but Lot did not want to leave it. The angel has told him that God is about to destroy the city, but Lot still lingers. He lingers to the point that the angel has to grab him by the hand and pull him and his family out. He is literally drug out of the city he knows is about to be destroyed.

Could it be, dear friend, that you have lingered to long in a place that God is trying to snatch you out of? It could be a physical place like a job or a church, but I want to speak more specifically to mental and spiritual places. Could it be that you have been stuck in a destructive mindset that God is trying to deliver you from? Are you stuck in past hurts and rejections? Are you lingering in offense? Sometimes things happen in our marriages that cause us to linger. You can recognize it with phrases such as "remember when" or "the last time this happened". Sometimes things happen that we can't seem to move from without divine assistance -- abuse, betrayal, lost opportunities, grief. These are the things that cause our guard to come up or cause us to build walls to defend ourselves. We think we are saving ourselves, but we are really trapping ourselves.

Lot lingered, but God was so merciful that He still saved him. I think God wants to do the same for us. Perhaps you can view this blog today as God's lovingkindness highlighting an area that you have lingered in for too long. Something may have happened to you this year that caused you to get stuck. It may have hurt so bad that it paralyzed you. Maybe now you look at everything through the lens of that hurt. Today is a good day to realize that you have stayed in that place too long. God is sending me today to tell you to get out of that place, that mindset, before it destroys you, your relationships, or your family. That's what happened to Lot's family. Lot lingered, but his wife was stuck. She was turned into a pillar of salt, and it caused her family to have to move on without her. This led to incest between the father and daughters, and many other destructive habits down the family line. All of this could have been avoided if Lot and his wife would have moved on from Sodom and Gomorrah in unity...if they would have left that place willingly...if they would not have lingered too long.

I pray as this year closes that God will show you where you have lingered too long, and may He give you the strength you need to move forward. May He send diving help to snatch you out of what has been set up to destroy you. Don't linger! What God has for you is always going to be better than what you left.

Monday's Marriage Moment - Plot Twist!

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord.
-Isaiah 55:8

John and I like to watch action and suspense movies together. Just when you think you know what is going to happen in these movies a new element is introduced or someone does something unexpected. It is at this point that John yells out, "plot twist!" He has even carried that phrase into every day life. If we encounter an unexpected surprise or blessing or if someone does something unexpected he yells out, "plot twist!" It has become a source of comedy for us. As I reflect on this year, this is the phrase that comes to mind. God has orchestrated some real plot twists in my life this year. Some of them have been great, and some of them have challenged me and stretched me.

God, as a master author -- the perfect creator, knows how to work out the plot twists in our lives. He knows exactly what we need to be who He has called us to be. He gives us a vision for our lives, but He doesn't show us every detail. He gives us the big rocks, and then He expects us to walk closely to Him as the plan unfolds. When we encounter the unexpected it is a "plot twist" for us, but He saw it the whole time. There are several instances in the bible where God mastered plot twists:

• Lazarus was dead. Actually, he was dead for 3 days, but then PLOT TWIST -- Jesus resurrects him!
• The widow woman was prepared for both her son and herself to die, but PLOT TWIST -- God uses Elisha and she has more than enough
• The Shunnamite woman's son was dead in an upper chamber, but PLOT TWIST -- God uses Elijah to bring him back to life
• Saul tried to kill David multiple times. He had him backed into corners over and over, but PLOT TWIST David survives and becomes the king
• Jesus Himself was crucified on the cross. They buried Him in a borrowed tomb, but PLOT TWIST -- He was raised with all power!

I bet you can list some instances in which God manufactured a plot twist in your life. Some of you are married because of a plot twist! Some of you have the jobs you have because of a plot twist! Some of you are ministering the gospel because of a plot twist!

It may have looked bleak before the story took a turn, but God worked out the plot twist so well that it overshadowed what happened before. He will do the same for your story!

Yeah, God is the master of plot twists! So, whatever situation you may face in your life and marriage today know that God has a plot twist in store for you.

• If you and your spouse are not on the same page, expect a PLOT TWIST!
• If your finances are not in the best shape...expect a PLOT TWIST!
• If your friendships or relationships are in shambles...expect a PLOT TWIST!

Seek God today! Serve Him and expect Him to introduce a plot twist to your story! 

Monday's Marriage Moment -- The Trees Are Showing Us How Beautiful Change Can Be!

I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit. 
John 15:1-2

Just because something has always been this way doesn't mean it always has to be this way. I know we have regimens, traditions, and habits, but change is good. Just look at the trees. Each year, they show us how beautiful it is to change seasons. Each year, they realize there are times they must let things go in order to grow stronger and flourish.

I walked into work this morning through a field of leaves. They were brown and brittle, and they covered the ground. I began to wonder why leaves must fall. Why can't trees just stay green all year long? I literally came into my office and began to research. I found out something quite interesting. Leaves don't fall off. The trees push them off. Yep, I thought the wind caused them to simply fall. That's why we have named the season "fall", right? 

When the days get shorter, and the temperature drops trees cut their own leaves off -- literally. They produce cells called "abscission" cells. The root for abscission literally means to cut off. These cells create a boundary that cause the trees to slowly push the leaves away from the stem. You see this happening when the leaves change color. It's beautiful to see, but what we are watching is the process of cutting. The tree begins to prune itself. Why? Because if it kept the leaves, it would die. The leaves hold water, and that water would freeze during the winter. This would cause not just the leaves to die, but the entire tree.

So, Dear Wife/Dear Husband, it is time for you to prune your own life. Don't wait for the winds of adversity to force things off of you. Decide now that you have it in you to cut things back. You have it in you to trim away. Are you misusing your time? Prune it! Are you carelessly using your words? Prune them? Are your friendships crossing barriers? Cut them back! It is in your power to take your relationship to the next level, but there may be areas that you have to cut off.

In the spring we see the benefits of this process - beautiful foliage, breathtaking blossoms, and fragrant bouquets, but there must be a cutting away first. My prayer is that you will develop spiritual "abscission cells" and the strength needed to push off anything God shows you needs to go!

Monday's Marriage Moment -- Leave It Right Here!

I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back.
Philippians 3:12-14 (MSG)

My 2017 has been a whirlwind of emotion. It's been amazing, eye-opening, breathtaking, and painful. I wish I could say that it has been all good, but the truth is that it hasn't. There have been some hard things, some hurtful things that I have experienced along the way. I have had my feelings hurt. I have been rejected. I have been lied on. I have lived life with some of the same things that you have, but I am determined that I'm leaving the hurt in 2017.

God has been healing my heart for several months in an area, but over the weekend He instructed me to leave the hurt behind. I want to pass that truth to you. Yes, I know this is a marriage ministry, but I am convinced that if you as an individual don't heal your marriage will struggle to heal. You will project your hurt, your frustrations, and your pain onto your spouse. Or maybe it was your spouse that hurt or offended you. If you have decided to move on together, you must leave the offense right here. You can't take it with you! It's too heavy. It costs too much. It will prevent you from flying high. Don't take it one day further.

How? I'm glad you asked!

You have to make a decision. You have to choose. Do you want to continue cycling through your emotions or do you want to be free. Every great deliverance starts with a choice. Just like Joshua told the children of Israel in Joshua 24:15 you have to make a choice TODAY. Will you serve God wholeheartedly or will you continue to bow to the idols of your feelings and emotions? If you choose God and His way, you will cross over into His promises. If you choose your way, you will remain where you are.

God is calling you out of hurt and pain this year, into a place of joy and freedom. Will you respond? Will you decide that your feelings will not rule? If you are going to be all that God has called you to be, if you are going to do all that He has called you to do, you can not take these feelings into your next place, your new year. It will not be easy. Like Paul said, you are going to have to reach out and keep your eye on the goal (or as the NKJV says, PRESS). I assure you, however, that it will be worth it. I want you to be off and running toward your destiny! That means you can't take this with you!!!

Monday's Marriage Moment -- What Do You Have Left?

A certain woman of the wives of the sons of the prophets cried out to Elisha, saying, “Your servant my husband is dead, and you know that your servant feared the Lord. And the creditor is coming to take my two sons to be his slaves.” So Elisha said to her, “What shall I do for you? Tell me, what do you have in the house?” And she said, “Your maidservant has nothing in the house but a jar of oil.”
-2 Kings 4:1 -2

I know that many of us are already thinking about 2018, and that is not a bad thing. It is important to plan ahead. There are great things that we want to accomplish, and there are great things in store. However, I don't want you to get so busy thinking about next year that you forget there is still time left in 2017. There are 41 days left to work on the vision God gave you for this year. There are 41 days left to create a new habit or break an old one. There are 41 days left to give finish strong.

Many times we don't think what we have left is significant. Maybe we are in a rough place in our marriage. Perhaps, you feel as if you have given your energy and strength, and you just have a little bit left. Maybe you or your spouse is facing a health challenge. It may feel that you have given all you have to press through this time or maintain a sense of normalcy where there has been chaos.
It's been tough, and you feel like giving up.

I imagine that is how the widow woman in our text felt. She has lost her husband, and she can't afford to take care of her sons. They are in danger of being taken away, and she feels like all hope is lost. She encounters Elisha, and he asks her an odd question: What do you have in the house? It's interesting because he switches the conversation from what she is missing to what she has. She almost discounts it herself. Note her response: nothing but a jar of oil. She doesn't see the possibilities and potential in the little that she has, but Elisha does. Her little bit is all that she needs to be blessed. Her little bit is all the she needs to start an "oil business". Her little bit is all that she needs to take care of her family.

Maybe you have lost a lot this year. Maybe it seems that you are under pressure. My question to you is the same one that Elisha asked the widow woman: What do you have in your house? What's in your spiritual house? Do you have a little faith? Do you have a little courage? Is there a little love in there? If so, that's all you need to take your marriage to the next level. Just a little bit of discipline is all you need to be the spouse God called you to be. Just a little bit of strength is all you need to get through this challenging time. Just a few more days, 41 to be exact, is all you need to finish this year strong.

I believe that you have more left than you think you do. Assess what you have left. Then use it for the glory of God!

Monday's Marriage Moment -- Can You Stay Right Even When The Situation is Wrong?

Then the men of David said to him, “This is the day of which the Lord said to you, ‘Behold, I will deliver your enemy into your hand, that you may do to him as it seems good to you.’” And David arose and secretly cut off a corner of Saul’s robe. Now it happened afterward that David’s heart troubled him because he had cut Saul’s robe. And he said to his men, “The Lord forbid that I should do this thing to my master, the Lord’s anointed, to stretch out my hand against him, seeing he is the anointed of the Lord.” So David restrained his servants with these words, and did not allow them to rise against Saul. And Saul got up from the cave and went on his way.
1 Samuel 24:4-7

Sometimes your spouse is wrong. It might look like I miss that fact when I minister to wives, but trust me I know it to be true. Sometimes they are just dead wrong. Sometimes they say something they should not say or do something they should not do, and it is wrong. It hurts you, or it offends you. Your first response could be to lash out or do something wrong as well. After all, we have been conditioned to retaliate. We hurt so we want other to hurt, but can I challenge you today to do something different? Can you stay right even when the situation is wrong?

Like you, I have been on the receiving end of hurt, offense, and betrayal. I am not telling you what I have heard. I know firsthand the ups and downs in marriage. I know the joys of marriage when things are great, and I know the challenges of marriage when they aren't. There have been times that John has said or done something that is wrong or offensive to me. It is at that point that I have a choice. I can respond based on my human nature or the nature of Christ. Many times I have made the wrong choice, but I have learned over time that my response effects me more than it does him.

David had a similar choice to make in 1 Samuel 24. Saul had hurt, offended, and betrayed him too. Saul took it to a totally different level -- he actually tried to kill David. It would be pretty bad if I said he tried to kill David once, but Saul tried to kill David multiple times. What makes it even worse is David was trying to help and comfort Saul all the while. David has had to flee his home, hide in caves, and behave like a crazy man just to survive another day. Finally, David is presented with the chance to get Saul back. He finds Saul lying in a cave asleep, and this is the perfect opportunity to kill Saul. The men who were with him encouraged him to kill him. They even said that God had set this exact opportunity up for him. I'm sure every fiber of David's being wanted Saul dead. No doubt he wanted the madness to end, but do you know what David did? He cut off a corner of Saul's robe and walked away. Yes, you read it correctly...he walked away. See, David realized that he was not accountable to Saul. He was accountable to God. He also realized that God is an amazing vindicator. He will fight our battles for us...if we let Him! Do you realize that? Will you let God fight for you?

Saul was wrong in how he treated David, but David left Saul's judgment up to God. He didn't take matters into his own hands. He didn't render evil for evil. He didn't try to get even. He remained in right position with God. Let me encourage you today. God will take care of you. If you release bitterness, anger, resentment, and wanting to see people pay God will fix the situation. David not only walked away, but he covered Saul. I know that is a foreign concept in this day and age of exposure and everything posted or videoed, but we still need to cover our spouses. That doesn't mean we excuse their wrongs, it means that we don't rise up against them nor do we allow others to do so. Note in the verses above, David restrained his men from rising against Saul. Maybe you aren't tempted to physically kill your spouse (I sure hope not), but your words could be doing a good job of assassinating their character or killing their spirit. Restrain yourself and others.

You will be presented with opportunities to practice this. Determine now that you will stay right in a wrong situation!

Mondays Marriage Moment -- Yes, You Do Need Them!

As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.
Proverbs 27:17

I know. Our culture says things like: I can do bad by myself. I don't need anybody but Jesus. I am good alone. I have heard all of these phrases before. I've even said a few of them myself. I am great at forgiving, but I am also great at cutting people off. When I am done -- I am done. I can love you, forgive you, and be a blessing to you and still opt out of relationship with you. That sounds good to my flesh (maybe yours too). Yet, as I mature I realize that God designed us to live in community. He designed us to need other people. Yes, Dear Friend...need.

As always, this starts at home. You need your spouse. God has given you an amazing person to love, but that person also is there to sharpen you and you are to sharpen them. Yes, God uses the person that you stood before family and friends and promised your love to as a tool to sand off your rough edges. You don't believe me? Have they ever told you something that really annoyed you but later you had to admit they were right? Have they ever casually mentioned a flaw in your character that offended you until you realized there was some truth to it?

I have. John Cheek has told me some hard truths over these last 18 years. Honestly, I didn't always respond well (my response revealed so much about me than it did him, but that is another blog post). Sometimes I lashed out in anger. Sometimes I shut down. As I grow, I am learning to receive the truth even when I don't like it and make necessary changes. You know why? Because he is sharpening me. He is making me a better wife, mother, friend...a better person. God is using John to perfect me. He is using John to prepare me to minister to other women. He is using John in amazing ways.

So, I have determined that I am going to respond well. I am thankful for John, and I am glad that he loves me enough to tell me the truth. I am glad that he can tell me some hard truths so that I can do better. I encourage you to appreciate the spouse that God has given you. Listen for the truths that they are trying to share with you and make necessary changes.

Monday's Marriage Moment -- In Everything? Yes, In Everything!

in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you
1 Thessalonians 5:18

We are approaching my favorite time of the year -- Thanksgiving! I know many people love Christmas, and I do as well, but Thanksgiving is my favorite. It's the time that loved ones from near and far gather to give thanks. It is a time that is typically filled with laughter, love, and reminiscing on good times.

From what I have witnessed in the world, locally and globally, we need to be more intentional with our thanksgiving. There is so much to complain about -- politics, violence, hate -- but there is so much to be thankful for. The issue is that sometimes we lose sight of the positive because the negative is so readily available.

So, I want to challenge you this November to be thankful. Yeah, I know that you have a lot going on. I know that there are some things that you want and don't have. I know there is some hurt in your life. I know that everything may not be perfect in your marriage, but you can still be thankful. The bible says in everything give thanks. Note that it doesn't say for everything. I may not be thankful for this headache right now, but I am thankful even while I have it. I am thankful that I have a quiet place that I can relax. I am thankful that I can flip the light switch off. I am thankful that I have a family that will give me a moment to get through it. I am thankful that I can afford pain medicine. Do you get the picture?

I want you to find a way every day in the month of November to be intentionally thankful at home! After all, the bible tells us that charity (love) begins there. Can you find a way every day to be thankful for your marriage? thankful for your spouse? I am challenging you to find 30 ways for 30 days to show your appreciation for the one who may often be taken for granted. It is so easy to assume that our spouse knows how much we love them, yet often they feel the most neglected. I know everything may not be perfect between you but be thankful. Your financial situation may not be where you would like it to be but be thankful. You may disagree on some things but still be thankful. Remember, we are told IN EVERYTHING give thanks.

Here are some ideas to get you started:

• a thank you note
• a piece of his favorite candy
• his favorite meal
• a date night
• hold his/her hand
• a cute pic of yourself sent to his phone
• a just because gift

Watch how your life changes as you show your appreciation!

Monday's Marriage Moment -- Rest is a Weapon!

Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it; unless the Lord guards the city,
the watchman stays awake in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows; for so He gives His beloved sleep.
Psalm 27:1 – 2

Am I the only one who has a lot to do? Of course, I am not. Our schedules are full. We get up early, and we stay up late. We work at our jobs or at our businesses, we run errands, we visit friends and family, we serve in our community, and we participate in our church activities. Just look at the agenda for your week ahead. Is there something on almost everyday? There is for me.

We are busy, and we are tired. Think about it. Have you heard yourself say those very words over the last week -- I am tired? Most of us can admit that we have said them multiple times. We have said them because they are true. By the time we get home from one thing it is time to leave home for another thing. Even when our bodies are at rest our minds are not. We are tired.

I don't think God is pleased with our busyness. Actually, I know that He isn't. We are buying into our culture's hype -- we have to "grind" and "hustle". Yet, God didn't design us to do that. Yes, we have to work, but we also have to rest. See, the enemy is using our busyness to render us ineffective. He can't take our salvation, but he can wear us out and frustrate us so that we don't reap or walk in the benefits of that salvation. When we are tired we are unable to think clearly. We make decisions based on feelings. We are easily upset or offended. When we are fatigued we often don't display Christian attitudes and behaviors.

So, God's word for us today is rest because rest is a weapon. It is a strategic, offensive weapon that we must wield very carefully. We must know how to rest and when to rest. Our bodies need rest so that it can heal itself. Our minds need rest so that we can think rationally. Rest is just as important as activity. We have to stop working ourselves to the point of exhaustion and thinking someone should give us a gold star for doing so. You want to be a better wife? Take a few moments to rest. You want to be a better husband? Take the time to rest. You want to be more effective in ministry? Rest. Rest. Rest. Jesus Himself took the time to get away from the crowd and rest.

So, receive this permission today to rest. Sit back and close your eyes. Quiet your mind. Take a nap if you need to. Say no if you have to. Psalm 127:2 says God gives His beloved sleep. Whatever you do, take the time to rest. Rest is a weapon. Use it well!

Monday's Marriage Moment -- Are You Accountable?

Only be careful that this liberty of yours [this power to choose] does not somehow become a stumbling block [that is, a temptation to sin] to the [weak in conscience].
1 Corinthians 8:9 (AMP)

We are not always right. Occasionally, we need the input and expertise of someone who knows a little more than we do and has experienced a little more. We like the support as long as the people in our circle are agreeing with us and cheering us on, but it becomes a problem when they check us or correct us. We love the cheers, but struggle with the chastisement.

So, we often shut down voices that are contrary to what we believe. We run from accountability. After all, we are free, right? Other people's opinions don't matter, do they? Who cares what they think? We are grown, right? These are the attitudes that seem predominant in our world. Yes, we are grown. Yes, we are free. However, God designed us to live in community. If you review the lives of Moses, Joshua, Paul, and Jesus you will find that they were not only accountable to God, but they were accountable to others as well. God designed us to care for each other, and if we care for each other there must be some level of accountability.

So, what does this have to do with marriage? Everything! We must be accountable to our spouses before we seek accountability elsewhere. We must be accountable for how we steward our children, our finances, and even our time together. Before we are accountable to friends, supervisors, or church leadership we must be accountable at home. We can't just leave home without letting our spouse know that we are gone. We can't spend all the money in the account and not discuss how it was spent. We can't have extramarital relationships. You are free to do all those things, but you are not free from the consequences of doing those things. Remain accountable.

Your spouse should hold you accountable, and you should hold your spouse accountable. You are in this together. Discuss the parameters of your relationship and hold each other to them. Don't fly off the handle if you are corrected or redirected. Choose the relationship over being offended, especially if you are wrong. As I mentioned earlier, we are not always right. Receive correction from your spouse who loves you and has committed to living life with you, raising children with you, and loving you unconditionally. Be accountable!

Monday's Marriage Moment -- Pray Together!

Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven.
-Matthew 18:19

Grab your spouse's hand. Look them in the eye and PRAY. That's right. PRAY! I know a teach often about praying for your spouse, and that is necessary and beneficial, but this morning I need to encourage you to pray with your spouse. Come together as one in that beautiful union that God created and pray! Our world needs our prayers. Our children need our prayers. Our families, finances, and future need our prayers. We can not reserve prayer to a corporate activity that we simply respond, "amen" too. It can't be only individual either. There is power in agreement, and who better to agree with than your spouse?

Why is it that some of us pray with people that we fellowship with more than we do with our spouse? Why do we ask for prayer from our friends, our pastors, and sometimes strangers, but not our spouse?
Why do we get up early or stay up late to make prayer calls, but we don't make the time to pray with the person that is laying right beside us?

We see the best in each other. We see the areas that need improvement. We literally see each other naked and unashamed. We see it all, and we still have the power and ability to stand together in agreement. This is the image that God is looking for in His church -- oneness. Use that full power and authority in oneness and pray! It doesn't have to be eloquent. It doesn't have a specified amount of time. The requirement is simply that it is sincere and directed to God.

Don't offer excuses about how spiritual you think your spouse is. Don't make judgments about their ability or desire to do so. Simply ask them to come together with you and pray. Chances are they will not refuse. Then celebrate the work that God is doing in both of you as you seek to advance His kingdom together.

Pray, Saints! Pray for our nation! Pray for the body of Christ, and its members! Pray that His Kingdom come and His will be done! Pray fervently, passionately, and on purpose! Make it your lifestyle!

Pray together!

Monday's Marriage Moment -- Stop Shadow Boxing!!!

Therefore I run thus: not with uncertainty. Thus I fight: not as one who beats the air.
- 1 Corinthians 9:26

I've made my mind up. I am no longer going to fight unnecessary battles. Nope. Done. No more. I am going to save my energy for the ones that are necessary because there are some that are necessary. It is necessary that I fight for my family, my marriage, and the promises that God has for us. It is not necessary that I fight over opinions, thoughts, or beliefs.

I am learning not to fight unnecessary battles, but I am also learning that I can't fight aimlessly either. I have to fight strategically. In the words of Paul, I can't find as one "who beats the air". The amplified version says "just shadow boxing". In shadow boxing you are throwing punches at no one in particular. You haven't taken aim. You are simply exerting energy.

Anytime that you aim at a person -- your spouse, your coworker, your spiritual brothers or sisters -- you are shadow boxing. You aren't in the ring against your real opponent. You are using them as target practice. The real opponent, Satan, is watching you waste the energy that should be used to defeat him. He is watching us wear ourselves out fighting the wrong person -- shadow boxing.

Stop it. Stop it now. Don't throw another punch. Don't launch another verbal attack. Don't shoot another missile unless you are aiming at the right target. Fight with precision. Fight strategically. If the issue is mistrust deal with the mistrust. If the issue is anger deal with the anger. Use the weapons of your warfare to take the fight where it belongs and make sure that you are aiming at the right target!

Stop shadow boxing!

Monday's Marriage Moment -- What if I Would Have Quit?

And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.

-Galatians 6:9

As we celebrated my son's 18th birthday this past week my heart overflowed with emotions. It was a simple celebration on his birthday -- family, cake, ice cream, and lots of laughs. It was a school night, and he wanted to wait until the weekend to go out. So, our entire family was together at the same time. This is a huge thing because the three oldest now work, but they made time to be with family for their brother's birthday. As I sat at the table and watched my sons and daughters replay memories and "clown" their old parents this was the question that came to my mind: What if I would have quit? What if I would have given up on my marriage? What if John and I decided that it was not worth it. Would I have experienced the moment that I did last Thursday night? 

John and I experienced some tough times -- some tough years. There were times that our anger and frustration with each other seemed overwhelming. We experienced issues -- trust issues, money issues, parenting issues -- you name it. Somehow, though, we loved each other enough to overcome those hurdles. We both realized we had things that needed to be worked on, and we worked on them. God revealed truth to us about ourselves (individually), and He led us to make the changes that were needed to have the marriage that He designed.

So, when my son  said, "Mom, this is the best birthday ever!" I was glad that I hadn't walked away. I was glad that I hadn't given up on my family. I was thankful that I stood through some really hard stuff. What if I would have quit?

• If I would have quit I would have forfeited this moment. 
• I would have forfeited God's ultimate plan. 
• I would have forfeited the opportunity to meet and minister to some of the most amazing women in the world. 
• I would have forfeited the opportunity to see marriages restored and men and women healed.

What is my point for you today? If God has told you to stand then stand. If He has told you to stay then stay. It doesn't matter who gives up or quits. You stand on what God has told you. Things may not feel good right now, but that doesn't mean that they won't be good later. Don't cut and run because of this moment. 

Allow God to speak to you about you. Present yourself to him, flaws and all, and seek His direction. Then obey what He tells you. Don't miss out on forever because of right now. Keep doing good. You will reap an amazing harvest because of it!

Monday's Marriage Moment -- I'm Not Controlling...Am I?

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding
-Proverbs 3:5

I'm not a controlling wife. I just like things a certain way. I'm not a manipulative husband. I just try to present opportunities for my wife to do things the way I want them done. I'm not a nag. My spouse needs reminders to get things done. Have you ever thought or said any of these things? I have. I have thought and said each of these. I have been a controlling wife, a manipulative wife, and a nagging wife. Yep, I have. It doesn't bring me joy to say it, but it is true. I have conveniently left the bible open so that John could read certain passages. I have tried to control him in too many ways to list. I have tried to manipulate situations so that he would do what I wanted him to do. Since I am confessing, can I also confess to you that none of those things worked? Not one! I didn't accomplish the goals I was trying to reach. Actually, I created further division and chaos. I was doing more harm than good.

Here is the secret: God has a good plan for your spouse. Yes, He does. This is the kicker: He doesn't need you to help Him with the plan. He only asks you to trust Him with it. Your part is not to "make" your spouse do anything. It is to love and support him or her  as he or she responds to God's plan. Can you trust God more than what you see is happening? Can you really believe that God is working behind the scenes? Is the issue your spouse or your trust?

I have not attained perfection, but I finally learned to trust God with John. I stopped trying to convince him to do things he didn't want to do. I stopped "conveniently" making things happen. I have even stopped nagging (even though I often have to talk to myself about this one!). It has been a process, but it is well worth it. I decided that I was going to do my part (trust), and let God and John do their parts. I have learned to trust more, and that means I stress less.

Today, take an honest look at yourself -- not your spouse. Are you trying to control them? Do you want them to act a certain way or do certain things? Do you try to make them or convince them to do it your way? If so, that is controlling. Are you manipulative? Do you try to orchestrate things in your favor? Do you plan or scheme for things to happen a certain way? Do you nag? Do you say some of the same things over and over to your spouse so that they will do something you want them to do? If you fall into any of these categories, simply repent and move forward. Make today a new start. Determine right now that you will trust God to work in and through your spouse (without your help)!

Monday's Marriage Moment -- Only You Can Make Me Happy!

Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content:

-Philippians 4:11

It's not your spouse's job to make you happy. If you were unhappy as a single person you will be unhappy as a married person. I know that is a harsh statement to open this blog post with, but it is the truth. So many people (husbands and wives alike) expect their spouse to make them happy. Some think it is the spouse's job to make them happy. Whether they articulate it in those words or not, many people expect their spouse to do things that please them. Now, I certainly think that both spouses should endeavor to bless their partner and make them happy. Marriage should be enjoyable. I believe it was created to be, but I have to say this because I believe it is the truth: It is not your spouse's job to make you happy. Now, that may be offensive or even challenge your notions about marriage, but it is still the truth. Will your spouse make you happy? Of course. Should they do things that bring you joy and fulfillment? Absolutely. However, you shouldn't be joyous and/or fulfilled based on their actions. Actually, you shouldn't base your happiness, joy, or fulfillment on any person. Your sense of fulfillment should come from your identity in Christ alone. 

What does this mean practically speaking? It means that I do things that bring joy to my spouse because I love him, and he does things that bring me joy because he loves me. We don't do these things out of a sense of obligation. We don't do these things because we have to, but we do them because we want to. It's not John's job to do what I want him to do when I want him to do it. He doesn't have to meet my every need for me to be happy. He doesn't have to do everything I want him to do for me to be happy. Simply put, John doesn't have to be perfect, and he doesn't have to cater to my every whim. I can free John from this responsibility, and I can free myself as well. In the same way that I don't have to work to earn salvation through Christ, I don't have to work to earn John's love. 

What is affecting your happiness? Is it something you can control? If so, seek the Lord about how to change it. If not, release it into God's hands. Spend some quality time with God letting Him affirm you, bless you, and bring you joy.

I have learned over these 18 years that I can be content regardless of what John does. He is not God. He is my husband. His actions affect me, but they don't control me. When you base your happiness on what someone else does or says you are giving them control, and no one should have that power over you. No one -- not even your spouse. 

Monday's Marriage Moment -- Love in Action!

I will heal their backsliding, I will love them freely, For My anger has turned away from him.
-Hosea 14:4

I may be dating myself a little, but I remember a hit by Toni Braxton entitled "Love Shoulda Brought You Home". It was a hit way back in 1992. I can remember singing that song with great passion even though I had no real understanding of what the words meant. Twenty-five years later, I know that Toni was saying that actions speak louder than words. As cliche as it may sound, love is an action word.

God expects us to love our spouses like that. He expects there to be some action that goes along with it. We can't just tell them that we love them. We must show them. He even used an old testament prophet by the name of Hosea to provide a natural example for us. I don't know if you have ever read the book of Hosea, but I suggest you check it out when you have a chance. In it, God tells Hosea to marry a prostitute named Gomer. Throughout the book, we find that Gomer leaves Hosea. She even takes on different lovers. She plays the harlot, even after she has given Hosea children. Time after time God tells Hosea to go back to get her. He even has to pay for to get her back.

God used this as an example of how much He loved the children of Israel. No matter how many times they turned their backs on Him, no matter how many times they pursued foreign gods, He took them back. Just like Hosea, God had to buy back His bride. He paid the high price of Jesus Christ in order to redeem us. He didn't just say that He loves us. He continually shows that He loves us. He forgives us. He accepts us as we are. He is with us even while we are not at our best. His love is unconditional.

Please know that I am not endorsing adultery or saying that you are to do what Hosea had to do, but what you must do is love. You must ensure that your spouse knows and feels your love. There should be tangible evidence that you love them. Do you talk to your spouse like you love him? Do you do kind things to show your spouse that you love them? What actionable evidence points to your love?

Love doesn't just bring you home. It keeps you home and makes your home a place of peace. Love prefers others over itself. Love is gracious. Love forgives. Is your love in action?

Monday's Marriage Moment - It's Not Mine...It's His!

I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand.
-John 10:28

If you have children you probably have heard the word "mine" more than you care to admit. This is one of the first words that they learn. They take ownership of things (whether it actually belongs to them or not), and they refuse to let them go. Imagine a 2 year old with a toy. How easy is it to take it from them? You can take it, but you are sure to hear screams and cries. Many of us are like that toddler when it comes to our things -- our friends, our plans, or our way of doing things.

The problem with being the one who owns something is that you have to assume the full responsibility of it. You have to take care of it. You have to clean it. You have to keep up with it. It sounds great initially, but as time passes you realize that ownership is work. You realize that there are some things that you don't want to own anymore. Think about this spiritually. You may have had a plan for your life or career and realized that your plan wasn't really working or a plan for your friendships and realized that things have not gone the way you thought they would. Maybe these things were harder work than you thought or weren't even best for you.

If you walk with God long enough, you will see that His plan is better. His way is better. Actually, it is better if He owns it. See, when God owns something the responsibility is on Him. Yes, as a good steward, you do your part, but the weight of it is on His shoulders. He has a way of maintaining things that not like ours. He is not frazzled by day-to-day cares or concerns. When something belongs to God it is protected and covered. Look at John 10:28. Jesus basically says that once He has something no one can take it away. Whatever belongs to Him, is in His hand, is there to stay. So, why not put some things in His hands today. Take a moment and give your marriage to God. Tell Him that you trust Him with it -- the good, the bad, your spouse, yourself, your finances, intimacy, and children. Put every bit of it in His hands, and know that He will not let them slip out. He holds the future -- the world -- in His hands so your cares and concerns are not too much for Him. Give everything completely to Him and rest in His loving care. If He is holding your marriage, the enemy can not touch it!

Monday's Marriage Moment -- What's Blocking the SON?

looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
-Hebrews 12:2

The solar eclipse that we experienced today was a truly phenomenal event. Actually, it was a historical event. Many grabbed their special glasses and headed outside for the once in a lifetime occurrence. Others held parties and took selfies to commemorate the occasion.

Though it is rare that the moon totally obstructs our view of the sun, it is much more frequent that we allow things to obstruct our view of THE SON. It is so easy to allow our schedules to fill and our time with our savior to empty. We cram our lives with events, activities, and gatherings. We spend our time watching tv, scrolling through social media, or talking/texting on our phones. We have more to do than we have time to do it. Some of the things that require our time are great. Others are not. Either way, if it consumes our time it can begin to obstruct our view.

Whether you know it or not, when our view is obstructed everything is affected. The same way that staring directly at a solar eclipse can cause physical damage, allowing things to obstruct our view of Christ can cause spiritual damage. It's hard to reflect the SON if you don't spend time with the SON. Where does this show up the most? in our marriages and our homes.

If your attitude towards your spouse has changed or has become more negative you may be suffering damage from a spiritual eclipse. If you have become less patient and loving, there may be things that are obstructing your view. If you are angry and discontent, you need more time in the Son.

Let's take more time in the weeks ahead to SON bathe. It will be well worth it.

Monday's Marriage Moment -- You Only Have One Job!

Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.”
-Matthew 22: 37 - 40

I love looking at those "you only had one job" memes. Have you seen them? They show funny things like someone creating a Coke display under a Pepsi sign, or someone who paints the word school on a crosswalk and spells it "shcool". As funny as these picture are, today I am reminded how serious the one job we have as Christians is. God has given us this one job of loving -- loving him and loving others. It sounds so simple, but our world today makes it seem so hard. Over the past few months alone, I have seen people hurt those that they profess to love. I have seen dissolution of ministries in public and distasteful ways. I have seen abuse and intimidation from those who should love and cover. I have seen hate, anger, strife, abuse, and pride. Yet, we still only have one job.

God asks us -- no requires and expects us -- to love. He puts no stipulations or conditions on it. He says love Him and love others...period. It sounds so easy, but it certainly requires great faith and denial of self. I must love. You must love, and it can't be dependent upon what others do or don't do. That means we will have to accept some apologies that we will never receive, go the extra mile for those who may not do the same for us, and choose to give grace even when it is hard. Love covers. Love keeps. Love bears all things. Love believes the best.

There is no place that this love gets tested like it does at home. After all, the bible says that love begins at home and spreads abroad. We must forgive our spouses. We must treat them like we want to be treated. We must show kindness and grace. We must speak kindly to them and about them. We must love.

I pray this week that you make sure that you love not just in your words but in your actions as well. Take great steps of faith this week to extend peace and grace where there may have been anger and resentment. Sit in the presence of the God of love, and then allow His love to flow through you onto others.

Monday's Marriage Moment -- Tear Down Those Idols!

Then the Philistines took the ark of God and brought it from Ebenezer to Ashdod. When the Philistines took the ark of God, they brought it into the house of Dagon[a] and set it by Dagon. And when the people of Ashdod arose early in the morning, there was Dagon, fallen on its face to the earth before the ark of the Lord. So they took Dagon and set it in its place again. And when they arose early the next morning, there was Dagon, fallen on its face to the ground before the ark of the Lord. The head of Dagon and both the palms of its hands were broken off on the threshold; only Dagon’s torso was left of it. Therefore neither the priests of Dagon nor any who come into Dagon’s house tread on the threshold of Dagon in Ashdod to this day.
-1 Samuel 5:1 - 5


Life has not turned out like I planned. I didn't plan to have a total of 7 children. I didn't plan to be in ministry. I didn't plan to live in Durham, North Carolina. I didn't plan to go through some of the things that I went through in marriage or in life. I had a different plan when I was 18 years old-- when I was 25 years old. I had dreams of a white picket fence, 2 children (a boy and a girl, twins obviously), and being a housewife in the suburbs. Our butler, Jeeves, was going to serve us in a full tuxedo almost daily. Before you laugh hysterically at my naivete, maybe you should think back on your dreams. Did you have some plan in your head for how things would be? Some of you may have written those things on paper. Others of you may have just filed them in your minds. If we are not careful, those imaginations can become a checklist of requirements rather than wishful thinking. We begin to compare our real lives with the fictional one that we created in our heads. We compare our husbands with the husband that we want him to be in our head. It is no surprise that they don't measure up because the one we are comparing them to is not real!

Sometimes our image is not a fake one but who we feel like our husband 'used to be'. We reminisce and long for way back when and we miss out on the beauty of now. We hold them hostage to what was and we refuse to embrace what is. We spend our time wishing for the past and not enriching our future. I read one time that once when the Mona Lisa was stolen more people came to see the blank spot where she once was than had actually come to see the painting. These people traveled, spent large amounts of money, and sacrificed their time to see a blank wall -- an empty space. That is exactly what we are doing when we are staring at what once was. I hate to say it, but those imaginations and memories can become idols, and God stands in direct opposition to idols. We must tear them down. We must dethrone the perfect husband from our hearts and begin to be thankful for the real husband that we have. As we demolish the image we will begin to see the great qualities in our actual spouses. Stop staring at blank walls and fake images. See what you have right in front of you. Tear down any idols you have including what you planned and what used to be.

The only way idols fall is when they are presented with the truth and presence of God. That's what happened in our scripture today. The idol, Dagon, was found on the ground on its face in the presence of God. Submit your plans and expectations, your "I thought by now" and "I wish", to God and allow Him to take control. He has a great plan for your life that is far better than you could imagine.

I started this by saying that my life is different than I planned, but I need to elaborate as I close this message. My life is better than I planned. I have gone through some challenges, but I have a wonderful husband and amazing children by my side. I have seen God love me through John and our children and that is better than any image I could ever think about. I have the privilege of sharing the gospel with people often, and to see someone embrace the truth of God's word blesses me beyond my wildest dreams. I don't have Jeeves working at this point, but I get the privilege of serving this wonderful family God has trusted me with. I stopped looking at what I don't have. I stopped looking at my plan. I stopped looking at who John used to be, and I am embracing all the blessings God has given me. This is not the life I planned. It is better.

Monday's Marriage Moment -- Shake, shake, shake!

He has promised, saying, "Yet once more I shake not only the earth, but also heaven." Now this, "Yet once more," indicates the removal of those things that are being shaken, as of things that are made, that the things which cannot be shaken may remain.
-Hebrews 12:26-27

God is a master strategist. I know that is not one of the Hebrew names that you are familiar with like Jehovah Jireh or Jehovah Rapha, but it is still true. He is Jehovah Strategist. He is the master planner. He knows the end from the beginning. Because He knows the outcome He also knows what is needed to get you to your expected end. He knows the right tools and the right amount of pressure that needs to be applied to ensure your perfection. He orchestrates the right conditions to produce what is needed in you.

Sometimes He sees that what we need is a good shaking -- something to arouse us from our complacency. He often uses a gentle shaking like one used to wake up a sleeping loved one. He uses this type of shaking to make us aware of where we are or what is happening around us. This could be in the form of a casual comment from  your spouse or a pattern you begin to notice yourself. These aren't huge things, but you know if you leave them unchecked they can create larger issues. Much like tremors that happen days before an earthquake, the "little shakes" let us know that something bigger could be happening under the surface. We should pay attention to these things.

Then there are times that He uses earthquake-level shakes. These are the things that test your foundation. Think of the big attacks on your marriage -- finances, issues with parenting, infidelity. Note that God doesn't necessarily cause these things, but He does use them. These things attack the core of you. You can only bounce back from them if your foundation (and the foundation of your marriage) is secure. Think about it. When earthquakes occur, the structure may fall, but if the foundation is secure the building can be rebuilt. This level of shaking makes you assess what you believe and even if rebuilding is possible, but it can be used to make your marriage stronger than it has ever been.

I am in this level of shaking in my life. I am experiencing tremors -- new opportunities, questions in my career, the end of summer, and I am experiencing earthquakes -- two more kids entering college, moving, new ministry, and changes in my relationships. Though the shaking is not happening in my marriage directly each of these things effect my marriage and how I interact with my husband. Neither the tremors or the earthquakes are fun, but I have finally embraced the fact that both of them are necessary. The shaking in every area of my life is making me evaluate what is necessary and what is not, what is valuable and what is not, what has served its purpose and what has not, and what to carry forward and what to leave behind. The shaking is making me examine my foundation and make sure that it is secure in Christ. Ultimately, the shaking is making me better.

As your marriage (and life) faces the shaking of the Lord be sure that you are anchored in Christ. Examine your foundation. Check for cracks. Look for gaps that need to be filled. Then thank God that He is the author and finisher of this process. Trust that whatever falls off while He is shaking your life needed to go and be thankful for what remains.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding;
Proverbs 3:5

John does not always do what I want him to do. I know that is not a news flash, but it is true. He doesn't always do things the way I want him to do them. I wish he would do things the way I think they should be done (when I want them to be done and how I want them to be done), but he doesn't. Many times this causes me frustration and anger. Of course, I feel that I know what is best. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I don't. Either way, he gets to choose. He has free will, and I don't get to control it.

I felt myself getting bothered today because John seems to be taking longer to do something than I want him to. I feel like I could just do it myself and get it done quicker, but it is not my place. I Gently, God showed me that this was a trust test. Not a test about my trust in John, but a test about my trust in God. Is John my source or is God my source? Do I believe that God will take care of us? Do I believe that God will work things out for our good? Yes, John is my husband, but he is not God. He is a provider not THE provider. He is a resource not THE source. He is my friend and my lover, but he is not my all-knowing, ever-present, all powerful God.  So, instead of fretting about what John was doing and how long it was taking, I decided to thank God for using this time to do what He needed to do.

Perhaps, there are some things you would like changed about your spouse. Maybe you would like them to do some things differently. Are you trusting God even when you don't understand the actions of your spouse or are you trying to figure things out? Whose understanding are you leaning on? Can you trust God in the meantime? Can you believe that God will work in and through your spouse for the greater good? Rest in the fact that you are a child of the king, and He will protect and keep you. No need to nag. No need to argue. Rest and trust. Believe the God of the bible. Believe every word that He has said concerning you. Trust in God!

Monday's Marriage Moment -- Mary or Martha?

And Jesus answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.”
Luke 10:38 - 42

Have you ever thought about the many roles you play or the many things you have to do? If your life is like mine the list can be daunting. In a single day you could: get up early, have devotional time with God, exercise, cook breakfast,go to work, run errands, wash clothes, clean, fold and put away clothes, spend time with family, visit a friend/loved one, pick up grocery, attend a meeting, take a child to practice, etc., etc., etc. Over a period of time those things can add up and quickly seem overwhelming if not kept in the proper perspective. You must prioritize. Our society promotes having a balance of work, family, friends, and the like. My problem with that is that balance implies that somehow I am going to get all of these things to be equal. They can't be. They don't have the same level of weight -- importance. My family is of more importance to me than time spent on myself. My devotional time is more important than my work. You have to decide what is most important, but I am sure that you will agree that every aspect of your life has a different level of importance.

Martha faced this dilemma of priority in Luke 10:38 - 42. Jesus and his crew were visiting her home (that she shared with Mary), and she was stressed. She was busy with preparations. I am sure that you can identify. When you are excited about guests coming you want everything perfect. You want the food to be great. You want the house to be spotless. There is much to be done. The problem is that Martha was so entangled in what she needed to do that she forgot why she was doing it. Jesus, the Messiah, was sitting in her house. She got so caught up in the stuff that she missed what was most important -- fellowship with our Savior.

Don't get so caught up in what you are doing that you forget why you are doing it. Don't forget so caught up in taking care of your family that you forget the family that you are taking care of. Don't get so distracted by work that you forget why you are working. Don't get so overwhelmed in the ministry God gave you that you forget the people that He gave you to minister to. Take the time to do the important stuff, but you must remember what is most important. There is nothing that weighs the same as being in God's presence! Stop trying to balance it all and put it in proper order.

May God bless you as you seek His order this week!

Monday's Marriage Moment -- 5 Wisdom Keys!

Wisdom is the principal thing; Therefore get wisdom. And in all your getting, get understanding.
Proverbs 4:7

Our marriages face all sorts of challenges. Some of those challenges are huge and may seem insurmountable. Some of them are not as daunting. Many of them could be minimized if we would employ practical wisdom. So, today, I simply want to share with you practical wisdom I have learned (sometimes the hard way) over the years of my marriage. Here are 5 tips that can help every marriage.

1. Some things are better left unsaid.  We do not have to vent every emotion. We do not have to be right all the time. There are going to be times in marriage that you have to think things and not say them. Now, I am not talking about hiding all of your feelings or suffering in silence if you are in a dangerous situation (if that is the case I urge you to seek appropriate help).
2. Timing is everything. Perhaps unloading all of your emotions on your spouse the minute they walk in the door from work is not the perfect time. Maybe trying to have a serious and important conversation while your husband is watching the playoffs or your wife is watching her favorite show is not the best idea.Be sensitive to the timing of your discussions will produce better results.
3. Watch your words. Once something has been said it really can't be taken back. The old adage that sticks and stones can break our bones, but words can never hurt you is a complete and total lie. Words hurt. Words scar. Words cause damage. So, we need to be careful what we say to our spouse and what we say about our spouse. We must be careful to uplift them and not demean them to other people. **We should never talk down about our spouse to our children. This does damage to both the spouse and them**
4. Forgive as quickly as possible. We all know that we need to forgive people, but I have learned that we need to do it quickly. If we don't address issues they begin to fester in our hearts, and we can become bitter and resentful. Before you know it, you are harboring resentment from 10 or 15 years ago. Everything starts being filtered through the lens of past hurts. We must work towards forgiveness, and we must do so expeditiously.
5. Seek forgiveness as quickly as possible. It is often easy for us to focus on what others have done to us, but we may not own our part as quickly as we should. If you know that you have offended or wronged your spouse ask for forgiveness. Own your actions or words and humbly request forgiveness so that your spouse doesn't begin to feel that the relationship is one-sided.

Seek wisdom this week!

Monday's Marriage Moment -- Take Care of It!

The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it.
-Genesis 2:15

My father taught me that if you service your car and keep the oil changed regularly it will last a long time. No matter what the outside of the car looks like, if you take care of what is under the hood, it will continue to take you where you need to go. It doesn't take a lot to keep your car serviced. Many places will do an oil change for around $20.That occasional $20 can save you thousands down the road. We understand this when it comes to vehicles, but the same can be applied to marriage. It requires regular maintenance. You can't keep a good one going without some "tune ups" and service. You and your spouse will need to check in with each other. You will need to make time for just the two of you. You will need to make sure that things are not "misfiring". Taking care of the little things along the way will save you from huge issues down the road.

In short, dear heart, you need to take care of your marriage. We take care of our children. We take care of our responsibilities. We take care of laundry, but we don't often take the time to take care of our marriages. You can't leave a car sitting in your driveway for years and expect it to run like it did before you left it there, right? So why would you allow your marriage to sit idle for years and expect it to be as effective and powerful as it was before? You must invest time and effort into your marriage just like you do friendships. We can't think that once we say 'I do' that all the work is done. Not so! Honestly, it is just beginning.

So, I am asking you to invest in your marriage. Take care of it like the prized possession that it is. Invest your time. Invest your energy. Invest yourself. Do the little things that will keep it operational for the long haul. You won't regret it!

Monday's Marriage Moment -- Buried Treasure

“Thus says the Lord to His anointed, to Cyrus, whose right hand I have held—to subdue nations before him and loose the armor of kings, to open before him the double doors, so that the gates will not be shut: ‘I will go before you and make the crooked places straight; I will break in pieces the gates of bronze and cut the bars of iron. I will give you the treasures of darkness and hidden riches of secret places, that you may know that I, the Lord, Who call you by your name, Am the God of Israel.
Isaiah 45:1 - 3

I have had my share of dark times. I am sure that you have too. It is hard to see beauty and purpose in those times when your biggest questions are "how" and "why". I have felt like those seasons have lasted too long and been too intense, but I can tell you that God knows how to work all of those things together for good.  You must remain hopeful that God is on your side.

I am noticing that lots of people are losing hope. They are giving up on dreams, plans, and their marriage. They feel as if there is no hope of change so there is no need to try. That, my friends, is a lie. There is always hope. God is always at work, and He shines light on even the darkest of situations. Notice in Isaiah 45:3 that God doesn't say that He is going to light up the darkness (that would certainly be my preference). He says He will give you treasures of darkness. What kind of treasures are there in darkness? I am glad you asked. Let me tell you the treasures that He showed me during the dark times in my marriage:

• strength
• wisdom
• peace
• His perfect love
• patience
• forgiveness
• His presence
• Hosts of people who love and support me

These are just a few of the treasures born from times of adversity. Today, I have the treasure of a husband who ministers with me -- who allows me to be who God called me to be. I have the treasure of a clearer vision of who I am. 

There are treasures in those dark times, but you have to look for them. God is giving you hidden riches of secret places. You may have to dig a little bit, but I assure you that they are there!

Monday's Marriage Moment -- A Heart Like His!

Then I will give them one heart, and I will put a new spirit within them, and take the stony heart out of their flesh, and give them a heart of flesh
-Ezekiel 11:13

I count it a privilege and an honor to share with you each week. I get amazing reports of how the words I share and my life experiences bless people.  I will say, however, that I wish I would not have had to go through some of them. Nonetheless, I am grateful that God hasn't wasted one tear or one disappointment. All things have truly worked together for my good.

This weekend, God allowed me to experience some heartache. Thankfully, it wasn't between me and my husband, but I think it applies so I will share it. Saturday morning, I attended a powerful class at my church. I mean the presence of God was tangible and overwhelming. I remember praying during this time, "God give me your heart. Give me a heart like yours -- a heart that loves, a heart that forgives". I said that over and over for a while. Honestly, it stuck out to me afterward, not because I don't desire God's heart but the intensity and urgency of that prayer was great. Later that afternoon, I found out that I had been betrayed by someone. Ouch! Now, I don't know if you have experienced betrayal before, but it is the kind of pain that really hits you in the chest. It knocks the breath out of you. If you are not careful, it can send you into a whirlwind of emotion. It is especially potent if it is from someone close to you like a spouse, family member, or dear friend.

I contemplated all types of actions: confrontation, withdrawal, a full on fit, but do you know what I did? I prayed the same prayer that I had prayed earlier that morning: God give me your heart. I prayed it over and over again. I prayed it until I felt the anger subside. I prayed it until I knew that I wouldn't act crazy when I saw the person again.

How does this apply to marriage? I'm glad you asked. People often get hurt and betrayed in marriage. I have before. Many of the ladies God allows me to share with have. Many of you may have. That pain is real. The confusion and desire to close yourself off that come with that hurt is real, but you have an alternative. You can ask God to heal your heart. You can ask Him to give you a heart like His. This is bigger than wanting a marriage or relationship to work. This is about wanting to represent God well. You have to ask Him to remove anger, bitterness, revenge, and rejection from your heart. You have to read scriptures that address these topics. You have to talk with trusted people who will tell you what you need (not just what you want) to hear. This is a process that sometimes takes a little time, but if you are committed God will heal you. You will be able to love those who have hurt you and pray for them with sincerity. You will be able to speak to them as if nothing happened. You will no longer want revenge for their actions. You will have the mind of Christ at work in you.

Perhaps there is something in your hear toward you spouse today. Maybe you are holding on to something that hurt you even though you decided to stay together and love each other. Will you pray today that God will give you His heart? Will you ask Him to remove any negativity so that you can move forward in a way that pleases Him? He is waiting to heal every area of your life!

Monday's Marriage Moment -- It's Your Choice

Multitudes, multitudes in the valley of decision! For the day of the Lord is near in the valley of decision.
-Joel 3:14

In the ministry God has given me with wives, I spend a lot of time talking about choices. Often ladies want to spend a great deal of time talking about what has happened in their marriages or how a choice their spouse made impacted them. These things are definitely valuable. However, God only holds us accountable for our choices. Regardless of what your spouse did or did not do God is expecting you to respond well. Responding well has nothing to do with agreeing. Quite the contrary, you can disagree and respond well. Responding well means responding in such a way that God is pleased with you. Were you forgiving? That is responding well. Were you loving? That is responding well. Were you patient? That is responding well.

Some of us are waiting on our husbands or wives to "do right" before we "do right". We want things to be fair or equal. We wonder why we have to be patient and loving even when they may not be. Listen, this is hard to understand and apply, but it is true: you must choose to do what is right because you love God and want Him to be pleased with you. This is your choice. You must make the choice to love and obey God whether your spouse chooses to do the same or not. Can you make that choice?

This is the valley of decision. It is a place where you make a hard choice. Will you move forward with God or will you stay in the valley? Will you play be disobedient to God because things don't seem fair or will you trust and obey? Will you be the believing spouse God told you to be or will you be a hindrance to your spouse's salvation?

Today is a good day to choose wisely. Trust God beyond what you see and feel. The Lord is near to you as you make your choice!

Monday's Marriage Moment -- Drive Out Your Enemies!

“Speak to the children of Israel, and say to them: ‘When you have crossed the Jordan into the land of Canaan, then you shall drive out all the inhabitants of the land from before you, destroy all their engraved stones, destroy all their molded images, and demolish all their high places; you shall dispossess the inhabitants of the land and dwell in it, for I have given you the land to possess. 
Numbers 33:51-53

If you have been a Christian for a while, you have heard about God leading the children of Israel to the Promised Land -- Canaan. The children of Israel had been in bondage and slavery for hundreds of years. They had been oppressed and dehumanized, and God saw them. Not only did He see them, He used Moses to deliver them. For forty years, they were on their way to the Promised Land. In Numbers 33, we find that they are on the edge of crossing over. It is here that God has some interesting instructions for them. He tells them that they are about to possess the land He has promised, but they have to drive out those who are there. Wait a minute...what? If it is mine, there shouldn't be occupants, right? Not only are there people who live there, they don't recognize that the land no longer belongs to them. The children of Israel have to do the work of driving out the people, destroying their images of worship, and taking over the territory. It seems like God could have done all of that before they arrived. Actually, I know He could have, but He didn't.

For some of us, getting married is our Canaan. It is what we prayed, hoped, and waited for. When God allows us to exchange our vows and become man and wife, we think we have entered our Promised Land. Maybe we have. However, life does not end when you enter the Promised Land. There is still a role that you have to play. Just like the children of Israel had to drive out enemies and tear down idols, you will also. When two imperfect people join to become one there are certain to be some heart issues that can become enemies of your union. Therefore, you have to drive out anything that would come against your marriage. Actually, you have to drive out and destroy them. What enemies try to possess your land? I'm glad you asked: unforgiveness, bitterness, disrespect, taking each other for granted, carelessness, busyness, anger, strife, lack of communication to name a few. We must be just as vigilant about driving out the things in our Promised Land as the children of Israel needed to be.

Listen to the warning God gave them in the next few verses: But if you do not drive out the inhabitants of the land from before you, then it shall be that those whom you let remain shall be irritants in your eyes and thorns in your sides, and they shall harass you in the land where you dwell. If you don't drive out these things as you enter, they will continually be an issue for you. I can tell you personally this is true. There are some enemies that John and I faced that should have been eradicated very early on in our marriage. There were some enemies we just didn't deal with. There were some we just addressed casually. There were some that we let go far too long, and there were some that we annihilated. What about you? Are there still some enemies in your marriage that need to be dispossessed? The good news is that it is not too late. You can kick out anger and bitterness today! You can forgive and move forward! You can spend time with each other and stop taking each other for granted. You can fully possess your promised land.

Make today your day to drive out your enemies!

Monday's Marriage Moment -- Don't Forget to Remember!

Remember the former things of old, for I am God, and there is none like Me, declaring the end from the beginning, and from ancient times things that are not yet done, saying, "My counsel shall stand, and I will do all My pleasure".
-Isaiah 46:9

Happy Memorial Day! Today is the day that we honor the sacrifice of those who died in the line of duty. We celebrate those who believed in their cause enough to lay down their lives to defend it. Today we remember.

We hear so many messages this day and time on moving on and letting go that we forget the power of remembering. Yet, there are many times in the bible that God told His people to remember. In Deuteronomy 8, He commands the children of Israel to remember that it was God who delivered them from Egypt and into the Canaan. In Exodus 20, we are commanded to remember the Sabbath day and to keep it holy. In 1 Corinthians 11, we are told that as often as we partake in communion we are remember Jesus and His sacrifice.

Remember, according to dictionary.com, means "to recall to the mind by an act or effort of memory; to think of again". It may take effort to remember some things, but it is well worth it. What does any of this have to do with marriage? I am glad that you asked. Today, can you recall to your mind the sacrifices that your spouse made for you and your marriage. While you are celebrating those who sacrificed their very lives, today celebrate the one God gave you that is still here. Have they sacrificed their time for you? Have they sacrificed their own preferences and desires for your marriage? Have they sacrificed themselves in some way for you? If so, celebrate them. Intentionally bring those things to your mind. It is easy to think of times when they didn't but don't make that your focus this week. Focus on the things they have done to be the spouse that God called them to be.

Personally, I can reflect on how John sacrificed so that I could go back to school and get my master's degree. Many times he had to be both mother and father. There were times when he could have gone home and relaxed after catering events that he chose to come support me with Believing Wives. He has done so many things even though he didn't necessarily want to in order to push me into being who God called me to be.

As you think of the sacrifice of the fallen, and the ultimate sacrifice of our Lord and Savior, think of the many times that your spouse has laid down their time, energy, and desires for you. Celebrate them today!

Monday's Marriage Moment -- Lessons from My Lost Phone

“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
-Matthew 19:20

So, I lost my phone yesterday. Yeah, you can imagine the frustration that I felt. There are pictures, notes, and all sorts of important information in that phone. Then there is the cost of the phone itself and the complexities of getting another one. I lost my phone, but I learned some lessons. Here are a few that I think are worth sharing:

I use my phone too much
Though I don't spend hours each day on my phone, I realize that I spend too much time on it. I know this because I got quite a bit done yesterday afternoon without it. I accomplished things that I had put off for several days. I realized that I have more time than I think I do. I just don't appropriate that time as wisely as I should. That hurt me to admit, but it is true. Then came the icing on the cake: John said, "You will find some other device to get on. You can't just be here without it". Ouch! That means he sees me with my phone in my hand too much. So, I needed this time without it. Perhaps, you do too. Are you spending quality with your spouse or do they see you spending more time with your device than with them? Has anything become more of a focus for you than they are? Honestly evaluate yourself and make whatever change is necessary.

Have it before you need it
Boy, was I thankful that I had insurance on my phone. It seems like such an unnecessary expense until you need it, but when you need it you will be so glad that you have it. You can't purchase fire insurance after a house fire. You can't prepare for a financial emergency after you have one. Much the same, you can't wait until there is a major issue in your marriage to get prepared. So often, we think fighting is for when something major happens, but many times it is too late then. I encourage you to insure your marriage with kind words, actions, and deeds. Insure your marriage with great communication and intimacy. Insure your marriage by covering it in prayer and seeking God's will above your own. Do it before you find yourself in dire need of it. It would have been very costly for me if I would not have had the insurance. If we don't prepare now, it could be very costly for our marriages later.

Don't sweat the small stuff
It didn't feel small, but it was small. After all, it was just a phone. It is easy in the moment to make something this small seem gigantic, but we have to resist the temptation. While I was looking for my phone I could feel frustration and anger rise in me. I knew that there was no one to blame and no need to get bent out of shape, but I felt the anxiety anyway.  I had to constantly remind myself that it was just a phone. There are issues in our marriages that can seem so big in the moment, but we need to remind ourselves to keep things in perspective. Did your husband leave his clothes next to the hamper instead of putting them in the hamper? They are just clothes. Did your wife forget to close a cabinet door? It was just a door. Don't make a mountain out of a mole hill. The enemy would love for you to lose fellowship over something so small. Determine what is worth a discussion and what is not. My phone could be replaced. Relationships are not so easy to replace. Choose wisely!

Monday's Marriage Moment -- How Dare You!

 So when they had eaten breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of Jonah, do you love Me more than these?” He said to Him, “Yes, Lord; You know that I love You.” He said to him, “Feed My lambs.” He said to him again a second time, “Simon, son of Jonah, do you love Me?” He said to Him, “Yes, Lord; You know that I love You.” He said to him, “Tend My sheep.” He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of Jonah, do you love Me?” Peter was grieved because He said to him the third time, “Do you love Me?” And he said to Him, “Lord, You know all things; You know that I love You.” Jesus said to him, “Feed My sheep.

John 21:15-17

God is in the restoration business. He knows that we are fallen humans, and that we are prone to messing up. He sees it, and He loves us anyway. Take Peter, for example. Jesus told Peter that he was going to deny Him. He knew that Peter was going to mess up, but He loved him anyway. He loved him and restored him to his rightful position. In our text for today, we see that Jesus still wanted Peter to "feed His sheep". He still had work for him to do. He didn't allow his failure to disqualify Him from a greater purpose. We read that, but I wonder if we believe the same restoration He has for Peter is available to us. 

See, that is the problem. We believe that God can restore Peter, who denied him -- multiple times -- but we don't believe He can restore us from our shortcomings. We believe that He gave Abraham and Sarah their promise even in their old age, but we think that it is too late for us to receive ours. We believe that Jesus cast out demons and destroyed yokes of bondage, yet we think we will suffer with ours forever. How dare we! How dare we believe that God created the world from nothing and then doubt that He can change our world! How dare we believe that God created man in His image and likeness but doubt that He can ever change us! How dare we believe that He raised Lazarus from the dead but doubt that He can breathe life into our marriages, finances, and ministries! How dare we! This is a time in which we can no longer read the bible as if it a story. We must read it as truth that is applicable to our lives. God really did the things that are written. He really healed, restored, and set free! He allowed them to be written so that we would have an example on which to base our faith. 

"How dare you" is a phrase that implies shock, belief, or indignation. I believe that is how God feels about our lack of belief today. He wants us to trust Him completely, and it is insulting to Him when we don't. Either we believe the word of God is true, or it isn't. Put your faith into action this week and believe that God is going to do exactly what He promised. Make it personal. Believe Him for something specific in your life. Find a scripture that supports it and refuse to be shaken. We will no longer operate in fear and doubt, but we will stand boldly, firmly, and confidently in our beliefs! 

Monday's Marriage Moment -- I'm Drawing a Line in the Sand!

When I fixed My limit for it, and set bars and doors; When I said, 'This far you may come, but no farther, and here your proud waves must stop!’
-Job 38:10-11

I had a wonderful weekend away with John, the kids, and some dear family friends. We had a great time celebrating my long time friend who earned her doctorate degree. While we were away, however, we noticed that the truck was making a weird noise. When we returned, John called our mechanic and described the issue to him. He was told to bring the truck in this morning and that from his description it could cost from $200 - $600 to repair. John relayed the conversation to me, and I just took it in stride. It wasn't until a few moments later that I found myself getting angry. I was in my bathroom, and out of my mouth I just began to declare that it would not cost that much to repair the truck. I told the enemy that I was sick of his tricks, and that I wasn't taking it this time. I know that I looked like a crazy woman, but I was consumed with righteous indignation. I reminded myself of God's promises for my life and family, and I refused to settle for less.

As I was allowing the lioness in me to roar, I was reminded of Job 38:11. God was revealing to Job that He was omnipotent -- all powerful. He reminds Job that it was His supreme power that created the world and all that was in it. Then He gets to verse 11 which gives me strength every time I read it: When I said, 'This far you may come, but no farther, and here your proud waves must stop!’. The God that we served created the massive, swelling, and often unruly seas, and He commands them such that they can go no further than He allows. Do you get that? They can't overtake the land because He won't let them. He commands them to stop and they do. You were created in His image and likeness which means that you have that same power!

So, I am encouraging you to draw a line in the sand, today. Wake up the warrior in you and begin to make some declarations and decrees. Command those things that are coming against your marriage that they can go no further! This stuff stops today! Stand toe-to-toe with communication issues, financial concerns, and whatever is challenging your peace and tell it to cease. Don't play with it. Don't entertain it. Don't have a pity party about it. Command it. The same power that allowed Jesus to speak to the waves and command them to stop resides in you, Believer!

Declare that the enemy can't take one more thing from you. He has no power, and he gets no glory! Draw a line in the sand today!

Monday's Marriage Moment -- Whatcha Looking At?

Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

-Hebrews 12: 1 - 2

God is been extremely faithful to me. He has blessed every aspect of my life. I have a great husband, awesome children, a wonderful career, and so much more. Yet, there are times when I get discouraged. There are times when I feel inadequate. Sometimes I mourn the fact that I am not further along in life. Every now and then I feel that I am not enough -- not spiritual enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough. Maybe you have never felt that way, but I sure have. 

I notice, however, that I feel like this the most when I am looking at someone else's life or someone else's accomplishments -- when I begin to compare where I am to where they are. See, comparison is different than jealousy. Jealousy is when you have feelings of resentment regarding someone else's success. Jealousy reacts to the other person. It lashes out and has ill will. Comparison is defined as examining two or more things to determine similarities and differences. Comparison, for our context, is when you make something the measuring stick by which you determine your ability. I have, sometimes even unknowingly, made comparisons between my life and the lives of others. Have you? Have you looked at another couple's marriage and thought their marriage was so much better than yours? Did you begin to wish that your spouse was like their spouse? Did you use that husband as the measuring stick? If so, you know that comparison leaves you feeling disappointed and unsatisfied. It is not God's plan for people to be the measuring stick. Sure, they can provide examples for us, but they are not the standard. 

It is made very clear in Hebrews 12:1 - 2 that while we are running the race of life, our focus needs to be on Jesus. He is the author and the finisher. That means that He wrote the story so He knows it intricately from beginning to end. So, it makes sense to look to Him for direction. In a race, the participants must be focused on the finish line. They can't win if they are looking at the crowd or even the other competitors. Focusing on these distractions will get them off course and cause them to lose. They must focus on the finish. We must do the same. Though it seems harsh, I must remind you that anything we stare at too long becomes an idol, and God is not tolerant of idols. He is actually in the business of destroying them. 

So, dear friend, take your eyes off of your surroundings. Stop focusing on the couple you think has a better marriage, the friend who has the career you want, the minister whose ministry seems to be growing faster than yours, and all that will serve as a distraction. Set your focus and affections on Jesus today. Listen to hear what He wants to say to you about your life and direction. Look unto Jesus, the author and finisher of your faith!

Monday's Marriage Moment -- You Will Cross Over!

On the same day, when evening had come, He said to them, “Let us cross over to the other side.”
-Mark 4:35

I am on the other side. I don't think I realized it until this morning. Today, John and I have been married for 18 years. When, I woke up this morning, 18 years after we stood at the altar and promised to love, cherish, and honor each other, I was amazingly aware that I had made it to the other side. There are some battles that I don't have to fight any more. I have gained wisdom in some areas. John and I have resolved that we are to be together for the rest of our lives, and we are choosing to use the strength of our unity to empower other couples to do the same.

In order to celebrate the other side, however, you must appreciate how you got there. Eighteen years ago we were a naive couple who did not fully comprehend what marriage was. We just both knew that we were supposed to be together. Like the disciples on the boat in Mark 4, we just knew that we were supposed to take this journey. Jesus, told them, "Let us cross over to the other side", and so they set sail. John and I did the same thing. We said, "I do", and embarked on the journey of marriage. We didn't even know that there was an other side to get to. Then, just like the disciples, we encountered some unexpected storms. There were many times that our "boat" was tossed to and fro, and there were many times that we were not sure that it was going to survive the storm. At times we felt like we were drowning, and at times we felt like the winds and waves would overtake us. Again, just like the disciples, fear and panic was our response, but we called on Jesus to help us. You know what He did? He calmed the wins. He gave us His peace, and we made it to the other side. John and I still face storms. The difference is that now we face them together. We have experienced enough to know that Jesus is in the boat with us.

As I write this, I am flooded with emotion, and tears have no choice but to fall. They are tears of thankfulness, however. I am not just celebrating our 18 year anniversary today, I am celebrating every year in between. See, you can't appreciate where you are without appreciating how you got where you are. I am thankful for those things that grew me and matured me, and I am thankful that God didn't waste one minute of that time. I can't go back in time to tell my 24 year-old self that she is going to make it - that she will cross over, but I can do everything in my power to tell every other wife that she will. I can tell my story - share my hurts, pains, tragedies, and triumphs - so that someone else won't have to endure every storm that I had to endure. I can let God use me to snatch marriages out of the enemy's grip; empower wives who have given up hope; and disciple couples who are going through what I went through. See, that's the beauty of crossing over. You get to help someone else to do the same. Dear wife, you will cross over! It won't always be like this. If you remember that God is with you and trust Him to calm your storms, you will enter a new place. Don't let this storm take you out! Don't let it overtake you.  Mark 5:1 says, "Then they came to the other side of the sea, to the country of the Gadarenes". The disciples crossed over, and you will to!