Monday's Marriage Moment -- I'm Not Controlling...Am I?

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding
-Proverbs 3:5

I'm not a controlling wife. I just like things a certain way. I'm not a manipulative husband. I just try to present opportunities for my wife to do things the way I want them done. I'm not a nag. My spouse needs reminders to get things done. Have you ever thought or said any of these things? I have. I have thought and said each of these. I have been a controlling wife, a manipulative wife, and a nagging wife. Yep, I have. It doesn't bring me joy to say it, but it is true. I have conveniently left the bible open so that John could read certain passages. I have tried to control him in too many ways to list. I have tried to manipulate situations so that he would do what I wanted him to do. Since I am confessing, can I also confess to you that none of those things worked? Not one! I didn't accomplish the goals I was trying to reach. Actually, I created further division and chaos. I was doing more harm than good.

Here is the secret: God has a good plan for your spouse. Yes, He does. This is the kicker: He doesn't need you to help Him with the plan. He only asks you to trust Him with it. Your part is not to "make" your spouse do anything. It is to love and support him or her  as he or she responds to God's plan. Can you trust God more than what you see is happening? Can you really believe that God is working behind the scenes? Is the issue your spouse or your trust?

I have not attained perfection, but I finally learned to trust God with John. I stopped trying to convince him to do things he didn't want to do. I stopped "conveniently" making things happen. I have even stopped nagging (even though I often have to talk to myself about this one!). It has been a process, but it is well worth it. I decided that I was going to do my part (trust), and let God and John do their parts. I have learned to trust more, and that means I stress less.

Today, take an honest look at yourself -- not your spouse. Are you trying to control them? Do you want them to act a certain way or do certain things? Do you try to make them or convince them to do it your way? If so, that is controlling. Are you manipulative? Do you try to orchestrate things in your favor? Do you plan or scheme for things to happen a certain way? Do you nag? Do you say some of the same things over and over to your spouse so that they will do something you want them to do? If you fall into any of these categories, simply repent and move forward. Make today a new start. Determine right now that you will trust God to work in and through your spouse (without your help)!