Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content:
-Philippians 4:11
It's not your spouse's job to make you happy. If you were unhappy as a single person you will be unhappy as a married person. I know that is a harsh statement to open this blog post with, but it is the truth. So many people (husbands and wives alike) expect their spouse to make them happy. Some think it is the spouse's job to make them happy. Whether they articulate it in those words or not, many people expect their spouse to do things that please them. Now, I certainly think that both spouses should endeavor to bless their partner and make them happy. Marriage should be enjoyable. I believe it was created to be, but I have to say this because I believe it is the truth: It is not your spouse's job to make you happy. Now, that may be offensive or even challenge your notions about marriage, but it is still the truth. Will your spouse make you happy? Of course. Should they do things that bring you joy and fulfillment? Absolutely. However, you shouldn't be joyous and/or fulfilled based on their actions. Actually, you shouldn't base your happiness, joy, or fulfillment on any person. Your sense of fulfillment should come from your identity in Christ alone.
What does this mean practically speaking? It means that I do things that bring joy to my spouse because I love him, and he does things that bring me joy because he loves me. We don't do these things out of a sense of obligation. We don't do these things because we have to, but we do them because we want to. It's not John's job to do what I want him to do when I want him to do it. He doesn't have to meet my every need for me to be happy. He doesn't have to do everything I want him to do for me to be happy. Simply put, John doesn't have to be perfect, and he doesn't have to cater to my every whim. I can free John from this responsibility, and I can free myself as well. In the same way that I don't have to work to earn salvation through Christ, I don't have to work to earn John's love.
What is affecting your happiness? Is it something you can control? If so, seek the Lord about how to change it. If not, release it into God's hands. Spend some quality time with God letting Him affirm you, bless you, and bring you joy.
I have learned over these 18 years that I can be content regardless of what John does. He is not God. He is my husband. His actions affect me, but they don't control me. When you base your happiness on what someone else does or says you are giving them control, and no one should have that power over you. No one -- not even your spouse.
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