Monday's Marriage Moment -- How Dare You!

 So when they had eaten breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of Jonah, do you love Me more than these?” He said to Him, “Yes, Lord; You know that I love You.” He said to him, “Feed My lambs.” He said to him again a second time, “Simon, son of Jonah, do you love Me?” He said to Him, “Yes, Lord; You know that I love You.” He said to him, “Tend My sheep.” He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of Jonah, do you love Me?” Peter was grieved because He said to him the third time, “Do you love Me?” And he said to Him, “Lord, You know all things; You know that I love You.” Jesus said to him, “Feed My sheep.

John 21:15-17

God is in the restoration business. He knows that we are fallen humans, and that we are prone to messing up. He sees it, and He loves us anyway. Take Peter, for example. Jesus told Peter that he was going to deny Him. He knew that Peter was going to mess up, but He loved him anyway. He loved him and restored him to his rightful position. In our text for today, we see that Jesus still wanted Peter to "feed His sheep". He still had work for him to do. He didn't allow his failure to disqualify Him from a greater purpose. We read that, but I wonder if we believe the same restoration He has for Peter is available to us. 

See, that is the problem. We believe that God can restore Peter, who denied him -- multiple times -- but we don't believe He can restore us from our shortcomings. We believe that He gave Abraham and Sarah their promise even in their old age, but we think that it is too late for us to receive ours. We believe that Jesus cast out demons and destroyed yokes of bondage, yet we think we will suffer with ours forever. How dare we! How dare we believe that God created the world from nothing and then doubt that He can change our world! How dare we believe that God created man in His image and likeness but doubt that He can ever change us! How dare we believe that He raised Lazarus from the dead but doubt that He can breathe life into our marriages, finances, and ministries! How dare we! This is a time in which we can no longer read the bible as if it a story. We must read it as truth that is applicable to our lives. God really did the things that are written. He really healed, restored, and set free! He allowed them to be written so that we would have an example on which to base our faith. 

"How dare you" is a phrase that implies shock, belief, or indignation. I believe that is how God feels about our lack of belief today. He wants us to trust Him completely, and it is insulting to Him when we don't. Either we believe the word of God is true, or it isn't. Put your faith into action this week and believe that God is going to do exactly what He promised. Make it personal. Believe Him for something specific in your life. Find a scripture that supports it and refuse to be shaken. We will no longer operate in fear and doubt, but we will stand boldly, firmly, and confidently in our beliefs! 

Monday's Marriage Moment -- I'm Drawing a Line in the Sand!

When I fixed My limit for it, and set bars and doors; When I said, 'This far you may come, but no farther, and here your proud waves must stop!’
-Job 38:10-11

I had a wonderful weekend away with John, the kids, and some dear family friends. We had a great time celebrating my long time friend who earned her doctorate degree. While we were away, however, we noticed that the truck was making a weird noise. When we returned, John called our mechanic and described the issue to him. He was told to bring the truck in this morning and that from his description it could cost from $200 - $600 to repair. John relayed the conversation to me, and I just took it in stride. It wasn't until a few moments later that I found myself getting angry. I was in my bathroom, and out of my mouth I just began to declare that it would not cost that much to repair the truck. I told the enemy that I was sick of his tricks, and that I wasn't taking it this time. I know that I looked like a crazy woman, but I was consumed with righteous indignation. I reminded myself of God's promises for my life and family, and I refused to settle for less.

As I was allowing the lioness in me to roar, I was reminded of Job 38:11. God was revealing to Job that He was omnipotent -- all powerful. He reminds Job that it was His supreme power that created the world and all that was in it. Then He gets to verse 11 which gives me strength every time I read it: When I said, 'This far you may come, but no farther, and here your proud waves must stop!’. The God that we served created the massive, swelling, and often unruly seas, and He commands them such that they can go no further than He allows. Do you get that? They can't overtake the land because He won't let them. He commands them to stop and they do. You were created in His image and likeness which means that you have that same power!

So, I am encouraging you to draw a line in the sand, today. Wake up the warrior in you and begin to make some declarations and decrees. Command those things that are coming against your marriage that they can go no further! This stuff stops today! Stand toe-to-toe with communication issues, financial concerns, and whatever is challenging your peace and tell it to cease. Don't play with it. Don't entertain it. Don't have a pity party about it. Command it. The same power that allowed Jesus to speak to the waves and command them to stop resides in you, Believer!

Declare that the enemy can't take one more thing from you. He has no power, and he gets no glory! Draw a line in the sand today!

Monday's Marriage Moment -- Whatcha Looking At?

Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

-Hebrews 12: 1 - 2

God is been extremely faithful to me. He has blessed every aspect of my life. I have a great husband, awesome children, a wonderful career, and so much more. Yet, there are times when I get discouraged. There are times when I feel inadequate. Sometimes I mourn the fact that I am not further along in life. Every now and then I feel that I am not enough -- not spiritual enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough. Maybe you have never felt that way, but I sure have. 

I notice, however, that I feel like this the most when I am looking at someone else's life or someone else's accomplishments -- when I begin to compare where I am to where they are. See, comparison is different than jealousy. Jealousy is when you have feelings of resentment regarding someone else's success. Jealousy reacts to the other person. It lashes out and has ill will. Comparison is defined as examining two or more things to determine similarities and differences. Comparison, for our context, is when you make something the measuring stick by which you determine your ability. I have, sometimes even unknowingly, made comparisons between my life and the lives of others. Have you? Have you looked at another couple's marriage and thought their marriage was so much better than yours? Did you begin to wish that your spouse was like their spouse? Did you use that husband as the measuring stick? If so, you know that comparison leaves you feeling disappointed and unsatisfied. It is not God's plan for people to be the measuring stick. Sure, they can provide examples for us, but they are not the standard. 

It is made very clear in Hebrews 12:1 - 2 that while we are running the race of life, our focus needs to be on Jesus. He is the author and the finisher. That means that He wrote the story so He knows it intricately from beginning to end. So, it makes sense to look to Him for direction. In a race, the participants must be focused on the finish line. They can't win if they are looking at the crowd or even the other competitors. Focusing on these distractions will get them off course and cause them to lose. They must focus on the finish. We must do the same. Though it seems harsh, I must remind you that anything we stare at too long becomes an idol, and God is not tolerant of idols. He is actually in the business of destroying them. 

So, dear friend, take your eyes off of your surroundings. Stop focusing on the couple you think has a better marriage, the friend who has the career you want, the minister whose ministry seems to be growing faster than yours, and all that will serve as a distraction. Set your focus and affections on Jesus today. Listen to hear what He wants to say to you about your life and direction. Look unto Jesus, the author and finisher of your faith!

Monday's Marriage Moment -- You Will Cross Over!

On the same day, when evening had come, He said to them, “Let us cross over to the other side.”
-Mark 4:35

I am on the other side. I don't think I realized it until this morning. Today, John and I have been married for 18 years. When, I woke up this morning, 18 years after we stood at the altar and promised to love, cherish, and honor each other, I was amazingly aware that I had made it to the other side. There are some battles that I don't have to fight any more. I have gained wisdom in some areas. John and I have resolved that we are to be together for the rest of our lives, and we are choosing to use the strength of our unity to empower other couples to do the same.

In order to celebrate the other side, however, you must appreciate how you got there. Eighteen years ago we were a naive couple who did not fully comprehend what marriage was. We just both knew that we were supposed to be together. Like the disciples on the boat in Mark 4, we just knew that we were supposed to take this journey. Jesus, told them, "Let us cross over to the other side", and so they set sail. John and I did the same thing. We said, "I do", and embarked on the journey of marriage. We didn't even know that there was an other side to get to. Then, just like the disciples, we encountered some unexpected storms. There were many times that our "boat" was tossed to and fro, and there were many times that we were not sure that it was going to survive the storm. At times we felt like we were drowning, and at times we felt like the winds and waves would overtake us. Again, just like the disciples, fear and panic was our response, but we called on Jesus to help us. You know what He did? He calmed the wins. He gave us His peace, and we made it to the other side. John and I still face storms. The difference is that now we face them together. We have experienced enough to know that Jesus is in the boat with us.

As I write this, I am flooded with emotion, and tears have no choice but to fall. They are tears of thankfulness, however. I am not just celebrating our 18 year anniversary today, I am celebrating every year in between. See, you can't appreciate where you are without appreciating how you got where you are. I am thankful for those things that grew me and matured me, and I am thankful that God didn't waste one minute of that time. I can't go back in time to tell my 24 year-old self that she is going to make it - that she will cross over, but I can do everything in my power to tell every other wife that she will. I can tell my story - share my hurts, pains, tragedies, and triumphs - so that someone else won't have to endure every storm that I had to endure. I can let God use me to snatch marriages out of the enemy's grip; empower wives who have given up hope; and disciple couples who are going through what I went through. See, that's the beauty of crossing over. You get to help someone else to do the same. Dear wife, you will cross over! It won't always be like this. If you remember that God is with you and trust Him to calm your storms, you will enter a new place. Don't let this storm take you out! Don't let it overtake you.  Mark 5:1 says, "Then they came to the other side of the sea, to the country of the Gadarenes". The disciples crossed over, and you will to!

Monday's Marriage Moment -- It's Going to be Alright!

It's going to be alright. Every now and then you simply need someone to tell you that is going to be alright. They may not have the answer, but just hearing those words can provide some sense of comfort. That's how I felt this weekend when John and I received some challenging news. It wasn't the type of news that rocks you to your core like someone's death or hospitalization, but it was the kind of news that makes you anxious or worried. The kind of news that shatters your plans and reminds you that you really aren't in control.

I think this is why God gave us marriage. He knew that life was going to throw you curve balls. He knew that sometimes it is just hard, and He knew that you needed a person to go through it with you. Yes, He has given us great friends, and they have their place, but there are some things that only the one intimate with you can share. He knew that there would be some mountains that you had to climb together. He knew that there would be battles that would require you to stand in partnership to fight. The bible says this in Ecclesiastes 4:9-12:

Two are better than one,

Because they have a good reward for their labor.

For if they fall, one will lift up his companion.

But woe to him who is alone when he falls,

For he has no one to help him up.

Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm;

But how can one be warm alone?

Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him.

And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

In marriage, we get to help each other through. When I am weak, John is strong and vice versa. The beautiful thing is that we don't have to do this alone. We don't have to walk through the darkness by ourselves. So, this weekend I experienced the beauty of not having to carry the load by myself. Where in years past I would have gone into panic mode, I rested. I leaned on the man that God has given me. Yes, I know the word. Yes, I have a wonderful relationship with God through Christ. But God provided me what I needed through my husband this time. I asked him one simple question: Is it going to be alright? His response was also simple: It's going to be alright. He didn't judge me. He didn't question my faith. He didn't remind me that I am an ordained elder or the founder of Believing Wives. He provided me a safe place to just have a moment. He simply assured me. For now, that is enough. 

I believe the words God used my husband to tell me. I am not worried or anxious. I am trusting. It is my prayer not only that your husband provides comfort and assurance to you, but I pray that you provide comfort and assurance for him. Make your marriage a safe place where you can have open and honest conversation about your challenges and fears as well as your triumphs and victories. I pray that you take advantage of any opportunity God gives you this week to demonstrate that it's going to be absolutely alright. 

Monday's Marriage Moment -- The Purge

I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit. You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you. Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me.
-John 15:1 - 4

I am happily on Spring Break this week, and though I would love to be on the beach feeling a gentle breeze and gazing at the beautiful water, I am at home. My children are on different schedules, so I am getting much needed rest and relaxation right here in the Bull City. As I sit here, fighting some type of cold or flu virus, I am feeling an overwhelming urge to purge. Maybe it is because the seasons have changed, or maybe it is because it is the first time I have gotten the opportunity to do so since Christmas break. Either way, it is time to get rid of some old stuff and make room for the new. Quite naturally, there are clothes and trinkets that have over-stayed their usefulness, but today I feel that God wants to purge more than my closets.

Purge means to get rid of whatever is impure or undesirable; to cleanse; to purify. God is leading me to purge some old habits, attitudes, and even old ways of doing things. There are some things in me or concerning me that are no longer desirable. Maybe they had purpose years ago, but they are ineffective now. I have to be wise enough and brave enough to let them go. He is leading me into new adventures in ministry (and life), and that is going to require me to do things differently. As more time is used to study, write, and prepare for ministry, I have to eliminate things that have previously taken my time. I also have to make sure that my husband, family, and loved ones know that they are still the priority. I am sure that God is leading you into new things as well, are there things that He is asking you to lay aside so that you can be free to serve Him fully?

I have found one of the most effective means God uses to get my attention is my husband. I can tell from his actions, words, and behavior when I need to adapt and adjust. I have to listen when he makes comments on my behavior. I have to learn from his nonverbal cues. I have to engage in real conversation with him and be prepared for his input. Sometimes he lets me know that I need to get rid of a negative attitude or selfishness. Sometimes he tells me I need to refine my words. I have to trust that he says those things for my good, and that I will be better if I take heed to them.

Are there things in your spiritual life that you need to purge? Could God be using this time to empty you of some things that are unwanted or undesirable? Is He using your spouse or someone close to you to purify you? I encourage you to let the Master Vinedresser take away everything in you that is not bearing fruit so that ultimately you can be more productive!

Monday's Marriage Moment -- Shelter in Place!

He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress; My God, in Him I will trust.” 
-Psalm 91:1-2

I was feeling a bit overwhelmed this morning thinking about the things I need to accomplish this week, and I heard these words in my head: shelter in place. That phrase may not have any meaning for you, but as a public school educator for over 15 years those words have great value for me. See, in April 1999, students at Columbine High School initiated an attack on students and teachers that made that phrase have meaning. Their attack shocked the world. The education system went into high alert, and we developed procedures and systems to protect our children and staff if they ever came under attack. If ever there is an outside threat (be it a person or severe weather), we have to go into what is called "lock down". We have to close and lock our doors, cover and close our windows, hide or get out of any lines of sights, and remain perfectly quiet. We also call this "shelter in place". That means stop where you are and do the things I mentioned immediately.

Some of us are under real attack right now. We are feeling the threat of an outside intruder. You may be overwhelmed, frustrated, angry, or sick. The enemy has an arsenal equipped with ways to attack us. I encourage you to shelter in place! Perhaps you need to find a room and lock the door, close the blinds, and get away from the windows. Remove yourself from his line of sight! Get away from the hustle and bustle and demands of the world, and have an old fashioned shut-in even if it is just for a few minutes. Jesus had to take time away from the needs of the world and the disciples, so certainly we need to as well. Then you need to be quiet. There is so much noise in our world that sometimes we become distracted, but I want to encourage you to find time to simply be quiet before the Lord. Turn off the phone. Turn off the TV. Go into your closet if you have to, but make the time to be still and quiet. As the author of Psalm 46 said, "Be still and know that I am God". Quiet your mind and soul and know that God is going to keep and protect you.

God has a place of safety for you. In Psalm 91, He invites you to dwell in the secret place with Him. The secret place is not a physical place, but it is your place of prayer and devotion to Him. It's your quiet place. It is where you lock down with Him knowing that He is your refuge and fortress. He will protect you from whatever attack is coming against you, your family, your marriage, your finances, and any other assault that the enemy has in mind. Read the entire chapter of Psalm 91. In it God promises deliverance, protection, shelter, promotion, and salvation. He will give you what you need to survive the attack.

I am sounding the alarm! It is time to lock down! Shelter in place!