Monday's Marriage Moment - 2019 - Our Year of Establishment!

But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.
-1 Peter 5:10

This is our year of establishment! Listen, I know that every year someone makes a declaration for what the year holds, but I believe this one with everything that I have! I believe it because God spoke it so clearly to me that I had to share it. I believe that we are living out 1 Peter 5:10. Many of us have in fact "suffered a while"...actually, it seems like we suffered a long while (is it just me?), but I believe with such sincerity that we are entering the year that God will perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle us!

So, I declare unto you:

This is the year that you stop fighting the same battles and having the same arguments in your marriage! Communication won't be the issue again this year! Intimacy and sex won't be the issues again this year! Misunderstanding won't leave you not talking for days this year! This is the year we are established and secure in our marriages because we are going to do it God's way!

This is the year that you prioritize God and family! This is the year that you make choices based on those priorities!

This is the year that you settle in who you are; not just as a wife - but as a child of the Most High God!

This is the year that you are no longer double-minded! You won't go back and forth in your decision-making, and you won't overthink and over-analyze, but you will be solid and sound!

This is that year!

This is the year that you are going to spend time with the father like never before. This is the year that instead of seeking everyone else's opinion you seek His. This is the year that you put down the phone and pick up the Word of God!

This is that year!

This is the year that His voice is louder than any other voice!

This is the year that you are unmoved by what you see and hear, but you remain steadfast and unmovable!

This is the year that you remain undivided in your heart and in your loyalties!

This year you will be settled! This year you will be secure! This year you will be strengthened!

This is our year of establishment!

Do you agree? If so, type "I agree" in the comments!

Monday's Marriage Moment - Challenge Accepted!

Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not wanting to make her a public example, was minded to put her away secretly. But while he thought about these things, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, “Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take to you Mary your wife, for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Spirit. And she will bring forth a Son, and you shall call His name Jesus, for He will save His people from their sins.”
Matthew 1:19 - 21

Every marriage faces challenges: even the one that Jesus' parents had. Mary and Joseph were on track to get married, and then Mary gets pregnant...and it's not Joseph's baby (technically, they weren't married, but they were "espoused" which was binding and could only be severed by death or divorce). The baby's father was the Holy Spirit. Can you imagine trying to explain that to Joseph?Mary had a choice: 1) try to convince Joseph of what the angel told her 2) trust God.

Mary chose to trust God to show Joseph just like He sent the angel to show her.  Instead of adding fuel to an already burning fire, Mary took a step back and trusted that the God who gave her a promise would also work in Joseph's heart. And you know what? God did! They faced the challenged and overcame it!

So, since every marriage will face challenges I choose to accept them. I choose to accept the challenges knowing that just like God chose Mary for Joseph He chose me for John (and you for your spouse).

Challenge accepted! God has equipped me to withstand the fiery darts and trials. He has equipped us to go through fire and come out not even smelling like smoke!

Challenge accepted! God has united John and I together and I know that united we can face anything!

Challenge accepted! With God on our side how can we fail? We can't!

Challenge accepted!

I'm not telling you to accept less than God's best. I'm not telling you to accept behaviors, attitudes, and treatment that God didn't intend. I'm telling you to accept the challenge to live this married life with fidelity, integrity, and genuine love and defeat every enemy that you face.

Your marriage will face challenges. It just will, but you must choose to stand in faith and believe that God will protect you, cover you, and fight for you. Accept the challenge today! If Jesus' parents can do it so can you.

Have a wonderful Christmas!

Monday's Marriage Moment - Stop Waiting on Them!

Now a certain man was there who had an infirmity thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there, and knew that he already had been in that condition a long time, He said to him, “Do you want to be made well?”
-John 5:5-6

If my husband would just step up we could be so much further along!
If I just had an opportunity I could do something really great!
If people supported me I could do what I've been called to do!
If I had the money...the people...the tools...I could just ______________!

Have you ever said any of these things? I have. It is tempting to wait for things to be just right before you take a step into the great thing you've been dreaming about, but you have waited long enough!

The conditions will never be perfect, but God is. He has a beautiful future planned for you, and He just needs you to trust Him enough to step into it.

He knows the limitations that you see. He sees your husband, your children, your career, and your condition, and He is not moved by any of it. His mind hasn't changed.

He knows that you thought you would be further; He knows that you thought your marriage would be in a different place, you would be more financially secure, and that you would have more support than you do right now. Yet, He is still calling you to step out onto the water, and He has this word for you today:

STOP WAITING ON THEM!

Stop waiting for your husband to be who you thought he should be before you decide to enjoy your life.

Stop waiting for your children to line up to who you raised them to be before you minister to other moms.

Stop waiting for people to call you a title before you operate in the ministry God has called you to do.

Stop waiting for others to believe that you can do it before you start believing that you can do it.

STOP WAITING ON THEM!

You've been in this condition long enough. Do you want to be well? Do you want to fulfill the purpose God has for you? Do you want to enjoy this life? Then STOP WAITING ON THEM, and start living the life God has promised!

Monday's Marriage Moment - You Are About to Cross Over! So, It's Time to Settle!

Every commandment which I command you today you must be careful to observe, that you may live and multiply, and go in and possess the land of which the Lord swore to your fathers. And you shall remember that the Lord your God led you all the way these forty years in the wilderness, to humble you and test you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not.
Deuteronomy 8:1-2

You are about to cross over! I feel it so strongly! You are about to enter into some promises that you have been waiting on for a long time. Like the children of Israel, you are right on the edge of breakthrough.

But, like Moses, I feel compelled to give you a pep talk before you enter. I am compelled to tell you that before you crossover you need to settle. I know that sounds totally opposite of entering in, but I assure you that it isn't. It's not a physical place that I am asking you to settle into. I am asking you to settle some things in your mind and heart. See, the Promised Land is a great place; a wonderful place, but the Promised Land is not problem free. Even in the place that God designed just for you will be battles to be fought and obstacles to overcome.

So, I need you to settle.

Settle in your mind that God is God. Settle that you will follow Him no matter how dark the path looks.

Settle that you will obey His commands and instructions.

Settle that He has never left you before, and He will never leave you.

Settle that what is coming is greater than what has ever been.

Settle that your marriage will align with His plan; that you will be the wife that He has called you to be.

Get real settled in His word concerning you. Get really settled in His promise.

Spend these next 21 days soaking in who He is and what He has said about you. The battles don't end because you obtain the promise, but if you settle yourself you will be well able to handle any challenge that comes your way.

YOU ARE ABOUT TO CROSS OVER! Settle down!

Monday's Marriage Moment - Got Receipts? It's Time to Throw Them Away!

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.
1 Corinthians 13:5 NLT

I was getting my keys out of my purse over the weekend when I realized that I had an inordinate amount of receipts. There were receipts for food purchases, clothing items, household things, and more. As I was grabbing my keys, I heard very clearly, "throw those receipts away". I know that doesn't seem like deep revelation, but I started thinking about what receipts are.

Generally, receipts are proof of purchase. When you pay for items you are handed a receipt; documentation that you have legal right to the item your purchased. In our current culture, receipts have taken on a more general meaning. When we say we have "receipts" we are saying that we have proof - video proof, written proof, or some other verifiable means to prove what we said is true.

Here's the thing: God was telling me even though I have legal right to some things I need to still throw it away. I have a right to be upset with my husband about some things - I have the "receipt" to prove my case, but if we are going to move forward I need to throw it away - let it go! I have a great case to back up why I behave the way I do - I got receipts - but if we are going to be the great couple God has called us to be I need to throw them away and embrace God's way.

You may have the receipt to prove why you are hurt. You may have the receipt to prove why you are afraid. You may have the receipt to prove why you act the way you act, but it is time to throw it away. We must stop keeping score or as the scriptures says in 1 Corinthians 13:5, we must keep "no record of being wronged". 

If you are going to move forward, you can't continue to hold onto the receipts of the past. I had receipts in my purse for things that are long gone - food that had been eaten, clothes that had been worn, detergents and hair products that had been used - the receipts were of no use. Why hold onto it? All those receipts did was create clutter. They took up space. They added no value.

The physical receipts that I had in my purse are just like the emotional receipts that we hold in our hearts. They take up space but have no value. They are cluttering our minds and our hearts. They are preventing us from embracing the life that we could have because we are holding on to memories of things long gone.

At some point, we are going to have to really trust God with our lives. He made the ultimate purchase over 2,000 years ago. He purchased our freedom with His shed blood. He redeemed us from the enemy, and that's the only real receipt we need to hold onto - His finished work!

Do you have receipts for things that have happened in your marriage? Are you holding on to past hurts and offenses? Is there any one thing that you can throw away before the end of this year?

Monday's Marriage Moment - Slow Down! You're Moving Too Fast!

So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.
James 1:19-20

Our culture applauds quick comebacks and witty replies! We celebrate them, make them memes, and re-tweet them. We anger quickly, and we are always - ALWAYS - ready to "get" someone before they "get" us. Our marriages are not exempt from this trend. We don't want to look weak or like we are being taken advantage of, so we must have a comeback locked and loaded just in case.

Here's the thing. God's Word tells us to do the exact opposite. He says through James, "be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath". That means we should ready to listen but slow to respond. Can you imagine what our marriages would be like if we took this advice?

What if we paused to think before we responded? 

What if we paused to pray before we responded? 

What if we didn't respond when it wasn't needed? 

What if we weren't so easily angered?

This beautiful season that we are about to enter can cause us to be hurried and rushed. Our schedules are full, and our patience can become almost non-existent. In our irritation and frustration, we can lash out with our words, and normally those closest to us get the brunt of it. This creates unnecessary tension, chaos, and division.

My advice to you - slow down. I'll say that again. SLOW DOWN!

• Slow down in the mornings. Give yourself ample time to pray and read God's word before you start your day. You'll be amazed at the level of peace you take with you from your prayer time. Your responses will be much more Christ-like, if you have spent time with Him before you start your day.
• Slow down before you say yes. All of the events and activities of the season sound great, but you can overextend yourself by agreeing to every thing. Slow down, weigh your decision, and consult with your spouse before you obligate yourself and your family to attend one more party, service, or event. Check your calendar and check your heart before you say yes to one more thing. These added events create unnecessary pressure, and they can be one more thing that create anger and frustration. Just say no.
• Slow down before you spend unnecessary money. Take a moment before you swipe your card or pull out that cash; why are you purchasing that item? Do you already have something like it? Will it cause financial strain? Should you really buy it? Will this be an argument later?
• Slow down before you let that the long line or the rude person irritate you. Slow down before you snap back at someone. Slow down before you lash out in frustration. Pause. Breathe. Slow down!

Or culture wants everything fast and super efficient, but God is encouraging us to slow down. We must stop and embrace the beauty of this life that He has given us!

What will you do this week to slow down? Let me know in the comments. I'll be in agreement with you!

Monday's Marriage Moment - Marriage - The Great Revealer!

For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy.

1 Corinthians 7:14

Here is a truth for you: marriage is a great revealer! Whether you are a perfect husband or wife or not (none of us are), being married presents lots of opportunities for you to grow and mature. It presents lots of opportunities for you to be selfish or generous, loving or not so loving, compassionate or cold. It provides lots of opportunities for growth. The choice is yours!

See, being married will reveal what is in your heart. It will reveal what your motives really are. It will reveal your character flaws and your strengths. Marriage will show you who you really are.

God designed it that way. He knew that sharing your life with someone would help peel away the facade of who you pretend to be, and expose who you really are - the beauty and the flaws. He knew that being married would cause you to take a good, hard look at yourself. 

There is nothing like living with someone everyday and having to adjust to will reveal how patient you are, how loving you are, or how kind you are (or are not).

There is nothing like having a disagreement with someone who sees the real you and hearing the words that come out of your own mouth - are they edifying and reconciling? peaceful and calming?

What is your marriage revealing about you? Are you as nice as you thought you were? Are you as prayerful and spiritual as you project to others? 

Yes, our marriage is doing what it is supposed to do - revealing things to us about us so that we can be conformed to the image of Christ. That's why I believe God used marriage as a parable for His relationship with the church. He knew that as we become one with our spouse that things would come up that have to come out. He knew that attitudes and issues would need to be addressed, just like He knows that as we become one with Him things will come up and out and have to be addressed. 

He also knew that we needed the help of our spouse to become who He has called us to be. He knew that when we work together, to help perfect each other, people will see His image and His handiwork. He knew that our union, perfectly imperfect, would bring Him ultimate glory.

Perhaps instead of being frustrated, angry, and resentful, we should be more reflective and thankful that God gave us what we needed. 

What has your marriage revealed about you? I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

Monday's Marriage Moment - The Problem with Greater

Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.
-John 15:13

God has something greater in store for you. He has a great plan for your marriage, for your spouse, and for your life. It's so great, in fact, that it is better than any plan that you could possibly come up with.

Greater than your wildest dreams.
Greater than what you are experiencing right now.
Greater than you could even imagine.

The problem with greater is that you have to let go of the things that are lesser. They just don't seem like they are lesser at the time. In order to receive the greatness that God has designed for your marriage, you have to let go of how great it is to get your way. You have to let go of how great it feels to have the last word. You have to let go of thinking only of your needs and wants. You have to let go of the great plan that you had for your own life - where you thought you would be, what you thought you would be doing, who you thought you would be doing it with. Get the picture?

It may feel good at the time to do things your way, but that is hindering you from the great life of peace and joy that God has designed for you. We have to make an exchange. We must give up one thing to receive another.

We must exchange individuality for union and togetherness, we must exchange "my" for "ours", "I" for "we", and "me" for "us". We must exchange something that may seem good for what God assures us is great.

Take an honest look at yourself this week - not your husband. What is God trying to elevate to greatness in you? What is He asking you to lay down so that you can ascend to the greater that He has called you to? Is it an attitude? a behavior? the words that you speak? Is there something in your heart that He is asking you to let go of so that He can grow you and your marriage?

Make the exchange today. Lay down the lesser things so that you can fully access the greater plan God has for your life.

Let me know what you will be laying down in the comments. I am praying with you!

Monday's Marriage Moment - It Didn't Just Happen To Me. It Happened FOR Me. Thank You!

But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive.
-Genesis 50:20

Can you consider the possibility that the hard things you have had to face in marriage (and in life) produced something great in you? I know. Those things hurt like nobody's business, but I want you to shift your perspective for just a minute. Take your focus off of the pain, and put it on what it produced.

Your marriage, and your husband, has helped you to become the person that you are today. If you are anything like me, your marriage has taught you how to pray more sincerely. Your husband has highlighted some issues in your heart that you would have preferred not to face. Being married has made you less selfish and more selfless. It has taught you to see the big picture, to care about someone else's feelings and not just your own, to see that you actions affect more than just you.

See, the devil meant for those issues, those challenges, those heartbreaks, and those setbacks to destroy you. He meant for them to end your marriage, and for some of you, end your life, but today we can stand in victory declaring that we made it through everyone of them...and we have come out better!

So, it didn't just happen to me. It happened for me. Every challenge I've faced and overcome has made me better, stronger, and wiser! Now, I can help someone else. Now, I can show someone else the way. Now, I can lead someone else through the valley of the shadow of death.

Now, I can say thank you. I had a hard time saying it when the tears were streaming down my face. I had a hard time saying it when I wondered if my marriage was going to work. I had a hard time saying it when it seemed like we never had enough, but today I can say it with passion! The tears that stream today aren't flowing because of sadness, but they are flowing because of joy.

God used every obstacle, and for that I say thank you!

Can you think of obstacles that you overcame in marriage? Will you take a moment and thank God for His ability to grow us in even the darkest of places? 

Monday's Marriage Moment - Marital PTSD? It's a Thing.

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.
1 John 4:18

He didn't answer my phone call. Is he with someone else?

He called in to work. Is he going to quit his job again?

His work hours have been cut. Are we going to be broke again?

He's hanging out with those same friends again. Is he going to start drinking again? smoking again? gambling again?

He's on his computer a lot. Is he looking at pornography again?

There are some things that happen in our marriage that are so traumatic that it's almost like we got stuck there. We may move past them, but it can be difficult to get over them. Once the initial event occurs we can forgive and love, but every now and then a behavior, an action, can trigger emotions that put us back in the place of the original event.

In psychology, this condition is called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD. Most often, we hear about it with veterans, people who have witnessed murders or violent crimes, or people who have experienced those type of life-altering conditions. Today, I submit to you that it can happen in our marriages as well. There are many life-altering events that can be faced in a marriage. For example, a person that has experienced financial distress because a partner quit their job of got fired can be traumatized. A person who catches their spouse having an affair can be traumatized. A person who suffers because their partner abuses drugs or alcohol can be traumatized.

These are all life-changing events, and long after the event happens, if a person doesn't heal properly, they can still feel the effects. Even when you have recovered financially, ended the illicit relationship, or stopped using drugs something can trigger a person to relive the initial even all over again. 

According to the Mayo Clinic (More Information Here), here are a few symptoms of PTSD:

• reliving the traumatic event as if it is happening again
• emotional distress or physical reaction to something that reminds you of the traumatic event
• trying to avoid thinking/talking about the traumatic event
• avoiding places that remind you of the traumatic event
• feeling detached/or emotionally numb
• always being on guard
• irritability, angry outbursts, aggressive behavior
• overwhelming guilt or shame

What I realize about PTSD is that it is based in fear. It presents a situation that is currently not reality and makes you feel all the emotions as if it was real. The enemy uses this fear to make us angry with our spouses and mistreat them because we are stuck in an event that happened 1, 5, 10, or 20 years ago. The initial event was real, but he wants us to keep reliving it and sinking further in shame, anger, bitterness, and depression. He wants us to destroy our own marriages because we refuse to acknowledge where we are and get the healing that we need.

Just like there are natural steps to combat PTSD, I believe that God has spiritual steps to heal you. The first step is realizing that this is what is happening: acknowledge that you are reliving a past situation and it is affecting your life and your marriage. Then go very quickly to God. He can deliver you from fear and the torment that comes with it. His perfect love can cast out fear. He can heal your heart. He can heal your emotions. He can set you free from your past. He may lead you to a person or a resource for help. Don't let your pride keep you stuck! Accept the help God gives you and refuse to keep reliving old hurts, wounds, and offenses.

Do any of the symptoms of PTSD resonate with you? If so, which ones? Feel free to send me a reply so that I can be in prayer with you.

Monday's Marriage Moment - Why is Marriage Hard?

And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman,
Because she was taken out of Man.”
-Genesis 2:23

Marriage is hard work! I have heard this statement more times than I can count, and to some degree it's true. Marriage is challenging. The process of merging two independent lives into one is not simple. Sharing your life with someone every day is not easy, but sometimes I think we make it harder than it has to be. So, why is marriage hard for us?

                                       

Here are my thoughts:

We believe the lie: Many of us fall into the trap of believing that marriage is a fairy tale - Prince Charming sweeps us off of our feet and we live happily ever after. We recite our vows at the altar, feel the goosebumps and ooey-gooey feelings, and think that is all that marriage is. The Cinderella and Snow White version of marriage doesn't show them taking care of the prince when he is sick, the sleepless nights of having a newborn, or the disagreements that are inevitable in marriage. Love is more than emotional feelings, and marriage is much more than a ceremony.

We refuse to change: "I was like this when we got married, and it wasn't a problem". I've heard so many people say that as an excuse for not changing. If a child kept the same behaviors from the time they were born until they became a teenager we would say that they were underdeveloped and get help for them. Why, then, is it ok if we don't change? It's not. We must mature in our faith, our reactions, our responses, and our words. God doesn't change, but he expects us to "be transformed by the renewing of our minds" (Romans 12:2) on a consistent basis. We have to grow up.

We try to change our spouse: We don't want to change, but we sure do want our spouses to change. We can list all the areas that they need to grow and change in without batting an eye, and we think that it is our job to make it happen. Nothing could be further from the truth. It's not our job to change our husbands. It's our job to love them and be a good example for them. It's the Holy Spirit's job to change them. We have to stop trying to manipulate, argue, and force them to do things the way we think they should even though we say great potential in them. We must use our influence to win them without trying to be their mother, pastor, or God in their life.

We forget God: As much as we love God, we sometimes forget that marriage was His idea in the first place. In the heat of emotion or pain we let our feelings lead instead of our faith. We run to our friends, family, and others who will listen and forget to listen for what God is saying. He has an answer for every problem that we face. He has a plan for you as a wife. He has instructions for you. We take unnecessary trips around our mountains we don't stop and ask God for direction.

Marriage can be challenging, but it is a lot like being a disciple of Christ. Once we take the initial step of saying "I do" to Christ, we live the rest of our lives letting go of our selfish ways and embracing His way. It takes a lot of saying no to our feelings, and that can be difficult. We have to unlearn ways that we have practiced for years in order to live a better life in Christ. Marriage is the same. We have to let go of our independent lifestyle for a life that is better shared with our spouse. As we choose God's way it gets easier and easier as the years go by.

Marriage can be hard, but it doesn't have to be. Choose God's way and watch your path get smoother. In what ways do you think marriage is hard? What advice would you give someone to make it easier?

Monday's Marriage Moment - Play Your Position

Turning his head, Peter noticed the disciple Jesus loved following right behind. When Peter noticed him, he asked Jesus, “Master, what’s going to happen to him?”

Jesus said, “If I want him to live until I come again, what’s that to you? You—follow me.”
-John 21:20-22

God gave us a powerful and encouraging message last week - We shall, surely, without fail, recover all! Many of us gained strength and hope from that message. I hope it blessed you because this week, God wants me to deliver a challenging truth: play your position!

It can be tempting during hard times in our marriage to focus on what our spouse is (or is not) doing. We want things to be fair, right? If God is correcting me, I want Him to correct my husband, right? Sometimes it just doesn't seem fair: It's not fair that I have to change. It's not fair that I have to forgive. It's not fair that I have to do what's right.

Here's the truth: God hasn't called you to fair. He has called you to holiness. He has called you to live a life that pleases Him. He has called you to represent Him in the earth and in your house. He has called you to be an agent of change. He has called you to play your position.

Consider me your coach today. Just like an athletic coach cautions the players to focus on their role, I'm cautioning you to focus on yours. In football, you can't act like a quarterback if you are actually a running back. The team needs you to play your role so that the quarterback can get the ball to you and you can run a play. When you are out of position you are a detriment to the team and could cost them the game.

PLAY YOUR POSITION!

Take your eyes off of what your spouse is doing. Let God deal with him. Trust me. He will. You focus on your role. Learn the ins and outs of what you are supposed to do as a wife and do that. Keep going back to the Ultimate Coach - God - to find out what play He wants you to run next.

Does He want you to play an offensive role (in which you have the ball and your job is to move it toward scoring)? Does He want you to play defense (take a stand and refuse to allow the enemy to get the ball)? Does He want you to run? Does He want you to take a knee?

It's time for you to play your position. Put your husband in God's hands. Trust that God will speak to him about his behavior, his words, or his actions. Don't try to play his position. Simply play yours.

Monday's Marriage Moment - You Can Recover (Even From That)!

So David inquired of the Lord, saying, “Shall I pursue this troop? Shall I overtake them?” 
And He answered him, “Pursue, for you shall surely overtake them and without fail recover all.”
-1 Samuel 30:8

There is nothing that you face in your marriage that you can't recover from. Did you hear me? NOTHING. I know that can seem hard to believe in the moment, but I am telling you what I know, not what I heard. You can recover from it all. Adultery. Mistreatment. Miscommunication. Distrust. Hurt. Cold-heartedness. Financial issues. Anything that the enemy has sent to destroy you and your marriage. God's plan is so much bigger than any of those things, and you can recover from them all.

Perhaps your marriage has been in a hard place. Maybe you are struggling to even hold on to hope. Can I encourage you today that you can recover? In 1 Samuel 30, David and his men return to Ziklag after trying unsuccessfully to join with the Philistine army. When they get there they find the city burned and their wives and children taken captive. To make matters worse, David's men are so distressed that they want to stone David to death. Talk about a hard place! He literally has nothing but his life, and the men are threatening to take that.

Can you imagine the despair David felt? Can you imagine the hopelessness? Everything that mattered to him was gone - his wives, his people, and all that he had acquired. David could have sat right there and let them stone him. He could have balled up in a heap in the middle of the city and cried or screamed. But somehow, he chose something different. The bible says that David "strengthened himself in the Lord his God"!

That's what I want you to do. Encourage yourself in the Lord. Like me, you may have felt like getting in bed and not getting out or giving up on the marriage you prayed for, but I want you to know that this is not too hard for God. Remind yourself that God did not bring you this far to leave you. Remember that His promises are yes and amen, and even though it may look like the enemy is winning HE IS NOT! He has been defeated. Strengthen yourself and get up again!

David sought the Lord and asked Him this question, "Shall I pursue this troop? Shall I overtake them?" I want you to ask God the same question. Shall I pursue this? Shall I overtake the enemy that is coming against my marriage? In most instances I believe that God will respond to you just like He did to David, “Pursue, for you shall surely overtake them and without fail recover all.”

He told David to go get his family back! Go get his stuff back, and I believe that is what He is saying to you! Go get your marriage back! Pursue! You shall surely - without fail - recover all!

Get it all back! Your joy, your peace, your passion - go get it all. That's what recover means - find or regain possession of; restore to a normal state of health, mind, or strength. I believe that someone who reads this today will be restored to their original state! I believe that where the enemy came in and sowed chaos, discord, coldness, and bitterness, God is going to cause you to recover everything He designed for you originally! He's going to restore your relationship to health, strength, and wholeness.

Pursue, Dear Friend, for you shall WITHOUT FAIL RECOVER ALL!!!

I believe that you can recover, but you need to believe it as well. Will you just type "amen" or "I will recover" in the comments as an act of faith so that I can join in prayer with you for full recovery? I can't wait to see God work!

Monday's Marriage Moment - Get in Position!

Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives.
-1 Peter 3:1

I will never stop telling you that you have power! As a wife, God has given you tremendous power and influence with your husband. Your conduct...your words...your life will either draw him closer to Christ or push him further away. Take a moment to read that last sentence again. Your conduct draws him or pushes him away. That power lies in you.

You can use your influence like Jezebel who was controlling and manipulative and ultimately caused her husband destruction. You can use your influence like Delilah, who was manipulative and deceptive and sweet-talked Samson into his destruction as well. Or, you can choose to be a blessing to your husband like Mary was to Joseph or Abigail was to Nabal. The choice is yours.

But in order to operate in power and influence you must be in position. 

God has established order for our homes. He is the head of us all, and then our husbands are the head of homes. If we operate in this way, we will see the blessings and the benefits. The problem is that we don't like this, so we try to be the head of our homes, and God simply won't bless disorder. Look at what 1 Peter 3:1 says:

Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives.
-1 Peter 3:1

Being submissive to your husband is a topic that has gained a lot of controversy over the years. We have been taught that submission is like slavery, but it really isn't. We've been taught that submission means obedience, but it doesn't mean that either. Submission isn't about who is better or more powerful. It's not about who knows more or even who is right. Submission is about being in position. Submission means to get under and lift up. We must get under the mission of Christ, and lift it up. That also means getting in position with our husbands, and lifting them up. We should support them to reach their full potential.

Submission doesn't mean that we don't voice our opinions or disagree. Submission means that we don't undermine our husbands or try to take their place. There is a difference. We voice our opinions in an appropriate way, and we leave the results to God. We don't try to manipulate, convince, or force our husbands to do it our way. We don't try to make them be something that they are not.

We must get under God's mission so that we aren't blocking our husband's view of Christ. We get low - humble ourselves - so that our husbands see Christ in us very clearly. Then they will be drawn to Him...without a word from us! That's a promise from God. You don't have to argue, nag, or complain. Simply get in position and let the Holy Spirit do the heavy lifting!

Submission = protection. There is no safer place to be than in God's will, and it's His will for us to submit to our husbands. He isn't taking a vote, and there are no amendments to His word. Get in a position of safety and submission. Trust me, God will deal with your husband when he is not leading the way he should.

It is our husband's job to cover us, but they can't do it if we are out of position. Let him cover you - get in position!

Monday's Marriage Moment - It's All Going to be Worth It!

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.

-Romans 8:18

Every marriage has ups and downs; hills and valleys. There are times when all of us question, to some extent, if we are doing this marriage thing right. Some of us have even questioned if we should have gotten married or if it is going to work out. That’s just the truth, but if you keep God first…if you let Him work in you (and your husband), you will find out that it all has been worth it.

Yesterday, I watched my 17-year old daughter get baptized, and I was filled with emotion. When the ceremony was over, she had an opportunity to say a few words. She thanked God, and she thanked me, but I was particularly moved when she said, “on this day, I specifically want to honor my father because seeing him get baptized inspired me to get baptized”. When she said that I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. I immediately thought about the times that our marriage was hard, and the times that I didn’t know where we would end up. I thought about the dumb stuff I did and the dumb stuff John did. I thought about how I tried to make him be what I wanted him to be; how I tried to manipulate him into going to church and being the man that I knew he was supposed to be.

Then I thought about how God convicted me of trying to play Holy Ghost in John’s life. I thought about how hard it was for me to stop trying to fix John and let God fix me (He’s still working on me by the way). I thought about how God led John to Himself when I moved myself out of the way.

My daughter was able to see John make a public dedication of his life to Christ, and that inspired her to do the same. If I would have done all the things I wanted to do years ago or said all the things I felt like saying I wonder if she would have had this same experience.

So, my encouragement for you today is that it’s all going to be worth it. It might feel like suffering now, but there is going to be such joy that comes later. Yeah, it doesn’t feel good to discipline your mouth not to respond sharply. It doesn’t feel good to not get your way. It doesn’t feel good to have to be faithful and trust God for a long while before you see the results, but it is so worth it.

Your marriage is worth your prayers.

It is worth your sacrifice.

It is worth your time.

It is worth your investment.

It’s worth saying no to your flesh and yes to God.

It’s worth the tears.

It’s worth the hard and uncomfortable conversations.

It’s worth it all.

It’s worth it all because in a little while God is going to blow your mind! In a little while all those seeds you have sown are going to produce a great harvest.  

It’s worth it because one day you are going to see how God was working the whole time. One day you are going to see how God used every bit of the bad to work for your good. One day you are going to see how God didn’t waste one experience but used them all to teach, train, and grow you. You are going to see one day that it was all worth it!

Is there any area in your marriage that you can look back on and agree with me that it has all been worth it? Feel free to comment below to encourage another wife.

Monday's Marriage Moment - Let's Talk About Sex (Part 2)

Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.
-Hebrews 13:4

Last week we talked about issues with sex and intimacy, and your response was amazing. So good in fact, that I thought I completed the assignment and could move on. It was not the most comfortable subject for me (again, my family reads this blog), and it's an area that I continue to grow in. So, I thought: YES! I wrote about it. I'm working through it with all of these amazing wives. I obeyed you, God, and all is well.

Not so!

God had another plan. He showed me that I did a good job of highlighting the negative behaviors that we need to stop, but He also wanted me to discuss some positive behaviors that we need to put in place. So, here is part two:

• Flirt - Husbands like for us to flirt with them. It makes them feel desirable, and it causes them to want you more. So, dear wife, flirt with your spouse! Wink at him. Touch his but. Send him a cute picture. Leave him a suggestive note. Play "footsie" with him under the dining room table. Make him feel wanted.
• Look desirable - Put on something that makes you feel sexy. It's ok. You are married. I'm not telling you to wear your bikini to the grocery store (PLEASE DON'T). I'm saying when you are with your husband wear something that is appealing to him and makes you feel good. John once asked me why I wore so many clothes (because I often have on a tank top, a shirt, and a sweater). Don't laugh at me, I'm dressing practically for the varying temperatures I will experience in my office, but those layers don't appeal to him when we are on a date. So, I need to dress in a way that I like, but one that also gives him something to look at. Put on those heels. Wear that form-fitting dress. Doll up in those leggings that he likes so much. Our husbands are visual so give him some eye-candy. 
• Initiate sex - Yep...I said it. Every now and then we need to make the first move. We need to let them know that they are wanted. Set the atmosphere. Remove the distractions. Show them that you want them just as much as they want you.
• Make an effort - Your spouse does not just want you to be a participant in sex. He wants you to be a willing participant. Sometimes we are guilty of just laying there. I can't believe I just wrote that line, but it is the truth. They want us to be actively engaged. They don't want to have to do all the work while you act as if you are just waiting for it to be over. I understand that there are times that we are tired, and we really aren't in the mood for it, but it is in the best interest of our marriages that we are active, willing participants in sex. Show them that you are willing to give the effort despite your fatigue. 
• Pray about it - I know that you might think I'm being super deep, but I am being so serious. God is concerned about every aspect of our marriages including sex. Ask God to give you a stronger sex drive, a deeper desire to be intimate with your spouse, and supernatural energy to do so. Ask him to show you opportunities that you may miss. Ask him to make you sensitive to the needs of your husband. Ask him to remove pride, bitterness, or envy from your heart so that you can be a willing participant. The bible talks about sex, so God is not shy about it. He designed it, after all. Ask him.

Hopefully, these ideas will help you as you seek greater intimacy with your spouse. I would love to hear your ideas and suggestions as well. 

Monday's Marriage Moment - Let's Talk About Sex

The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 
1 Corinthians 7:4-5

I didn't want to write this blog post. Maybe that's why it is late (between that, a flight home, a presentation, and a very late night). At 44 years old, I still feel a little weird writing the word "sex" in the title. After all, I'm a good church girl (LOL). Sex is definitely not a bad word, but it's not a word we used growing up. We didn't talk about it, which is probably why I struggled in this area early in marriage. So, no, I didn't want to write this post, but I had to. We have to. So many marriages are failing because sex is an issue, and it really doesn't have to be. So, let's talk.

Issue: Sex in marriage is an issue for the very reason I just described. We don't talk about it. We don't talk about its importance. We just think it will happen. Husbands have their set of expectations. Wives have theirs, and if there is no conversation about it someone's expectation goes unmet. We don't talk about how frequent it should be. We don't talk about what we like and don't like during sex. We simply don't talk.

Remedy: Have a conversation. Discuss what your needs really are. Come to an agreement regarding how frequent it should be. Schedule it if you have to, but make sure you are having an open, honest conversation about it.

Issue: We think it's just sex, and it's not that big of a deal. My husband made an amazing, eye-opening point on a Facebook Live we did last week. He said that when we say no to them regarding sex we are rejecting them - not having sex. He said most men have been rejected in some way since they were younger and to come home and be rejected by the one person who has truly accepted them is painful. I've never thought of it like that, and maybe you haven't either, but now you should. It's not just sex. It's feeling wanted. Feeling desired. Feeling safe with the one who knows everything about you and wants you anyway. Let's be clear - it's not just sex.

Remedy: Eliminate excuses. Stop thinking of only yourself, and think about the needs of your spouse. Does he feel wanted? Needed? Appreciated? Have you rejected them even when you thought you had a "real" reason for saying no? Is being too tired, having a headache, or just not wanting to a good enough reason to damage your husband and your marriage? What things can you put into place to eliminate the excuses?

Issue: We use sex as some type of reward or punishment. If your spouse acts the way you think they should act, help you with the kids, or does buys you some wonderful gift he "deserves" sex, but if he does something you don't agree with or doesn't do what you want, he better not rub your leg in the middle of the night or even think that he has a chance of being intimate. This is wrong on all levels. It's manipulation, and it's ungodly. Sex is about intimacy. It's not a weapon or a tool. To use it as such damages your spouse and your marriage. Both of you need a healthy sex life, whether you think so or not. Don't be so prideful and controlling that you withhold sex to get what you want. God is not pleased.

Remedy: Stop it. That may sound harsh, but it's the only remedy. Sex is not just about you. It's about your marriage. The bible is very clear that we shouldn't withhold sex from our spouses, and we certainly shouldn't hold it over their heads as something to work for. Sex isn't earned anymore than love is. Your spouse doesn't need to be controlled. They need to be loved. And honestly, there is no better way to make up after a disagreement.

These are a few of the issues that I have seen over the years, what other issues/remedies can you add?

Monday's Marriage Moment - Pray, Wives, Pray!

For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?
1 Corinthians 7:16

Pray, wives, pray! You are in a strategic position to pray for your husband like no one else. You see his weaknesses, his struggles, and his needs. You see the areas that he needs to be covered in. God shows you these areas not so that you can exploit them, point them out, or dominate him. God shows you these areas so that you can strengthen them, help him, and cover him in prayer. So, pray, wives, pray!

The devil is attacking covenants like never before. He hates marriage. He doesn't want yours to work. He will use lies, pride, other people, miscommunication, and distance to divide you and your spouse. He will use anyone and anything...if we let him. Are we going to sit passively and allow these things to happen, or are we going to spend time communicating with God so that we can effectively thwart the plan of our enemy. So, pray, wives, pray!

Pray that your husband will grow in his relationship with God.
Pray that he will be protected from the plans of the enemy.
Pray that he will not be enticed or distracted by the devil.
Pray that you will grow closer to each other as the days go by.
Pray that you will stay passionate in your love for each other.
Pray that your communication will be kind, clear, and purposeful.
Pray that your intimacy will be frequent, dynamic, and satisfying for you both.
Pray that your marriage will be powerful and purposeful and draw others to Christ.
Pray that you will see the attacks before they come and that you will have wisdom to avoid them!

Will you join me this week in praying for our spouses? Will you join me in praying for marriages? Come on, people, let's pray!

Monday's Marriage Moment - Have You Thought About Him?

The wise woman builds her house,
But the foolish pulls it down with her hands.
Proverbs 14:1

Who doesn't love a good back rub or foot massage? What about being surprised with your favorite gift or or a night on the town? We certainly love when we come home and dinner is prepared and the kids are taken care of, right? Guess what? Our husbands do too. So often we expect them to take care of our needs, treat us like queens, and roll out the red carpet for us, but we don't always do the same.

Last week, I wrote about looking good for your husband, and that is important, but the bigger issue is showing him that you care enough to do so. They want to know that we value their feelings and opinions. They want to know that they are worth the effort...and we should let them know that they are.

A wise wife knows that she must pray AND apply what the bible says to build a lasting marriage. We need to cover our husbands and marriages in prayer, but we must also employ practical steps to have an effective marriage. One of those practical steps is to do things that build and not tear down. Our husbands need to be encouraged and affirmed; they need to be built up . They need to feel special just like we do, and they need us to do it. They go out into a world that doesn't always value and appreciate them. They face struggles and tests throughout the day, and they look forward to coming home to a welcoming, safe environment in which they are loved and appreciated. This is the perfect opportunity for us to build them and in turn build our marriage.

Let's make it our business to ensure that we provide that environment. Let's make it our business to let them know how valuable they are. Let's make it our priority to ensure that charity begins at home.

There are so many ways to show our appreciation to our husbands, but here are a few ideas to help you get started. Some are so simple that we don't think of them often, and some require a little more effort, but all of them will be worth it:

• Greet your husband with a hug when he arrives home
• Get up early and pack his breakfast/lunch with a love note
• Send him a text/note during the day with an appropriate affirmation
• Schedule a date night and wear his favorite outfit
• Set up a romantic night for the two of you
• Cook his favorite dinner 
• Give him a back and/or foot massage
• Text him a cute pic of you with a spicy message
• Buy his favorite snacks, treats, etc.

Spice these up however you would like, but know that these simple acts will have lasting effects on your marriage. 

Let me know which of these you will try this week or add to the list in the comments! 

Monday's Marriage Moment - Play Dress Up!

As a loving deer and a graceful doe,
Let her breasts satisfy you at all times;
And always be enraptured with her love.
-Proverbs 5:19

When I was a child I liked to watch cartoons. One of the characters was Wile E. Coyote. This coyote spent his entire life chasing a character called Road Runner. For years, I watched Wile E. have anvils dropped on his head, get blown up, and fall off of cliffs chasing Road Runner. Then one day to my surprise, Wile E. Coyote caught the Road Runner. You would think that he would have planned what to do once he caught him, but instead he held up a sign that said, "Now What". It's comical as a cartoon, but this happens all of the time in our lives, especially our marriages.

When we are dating we dress nice, smell good, and put our best foot forward. We keep our hair and nails done, and we speak so kindly to our potential spouse. Then we "get" our husbands, and like Wile E., we wonder now what? We think marriage is the finish line when actuality it is a journey. We get settled and stop doing the things that catch their attention and keep them excited about being with us. This is a cause of lots of stress and issues in marriages, and it is so preventable.

My husband called me the other night on his way home, and we were just talking in general. However, before he hung up he said, "Hey! Be dressed like you have a husband when I get home". Now, I could have gotten offended, but I didn't. I heard what he said. He wasn't asking to see me in my professional clothes or dressed to go to a formal event. He was asking me not to have on my old pajama bottoms and t-shirts that don't match. He wanted me to have something on that appealed to him, and I should want that too.

He doesn't necessarily want me to have on the pair of 3 inch heels and my birthday suit everyday when he comes on (actually, he probably does), but he doesn't want to come home to a bonnet and a moo moo everyday either. Let's not forget that our spouses are attracted to what they see. Give them something to look at. Don't just dress up for them - the people that you see at work, church, and out with your friends -- dress up for him!

I want my husband to be attracted to me, and I am sure that you want your spouse to be attracted to you too. Whether you are a size 2 or 22 isn't the issue. Your husband likes you. He likes how you look, and he definitely wants to look at you. Men are typically are appealed to visually so give him something to look at!

Monday's Marriage Moment - Shut it Down!

Keep your heart with all diligence,
For out of it spring the issues of life.
Proverbs 4:23

Unplug it. Turn it off. Walk away from it. Close the door. I know that we love open doors and connectivity, but we must be serious about eliminating and removing anything that distracts us from our purpose, anything that creates chaos and confusion, and anything that creatives negativity and stress. I know as wives that there are lots of things that vie for our attention, but as gatekeepers and women on the front lines, we must guard our hearts and lives from anything that pulls us from purpose.

A few weeks ago I went into the grocery store, shopped, paid for my items, and left the store. The issue with that is that I left all of my groceries in the store. I paid for them and left them. Who does that? Someone whose mind is too occupied. Someone who is carrying too much. Someone who needed a mental break before she had a mental break. Don't find yourself in my situation. Free your mind from all that consumes it.

You role as a wife makes you to some degree a doctor, a therapist, a household manager, the budget manager, the schedule keeper and so much more. With all those duties, you don't have time for energy wasters and time sucks. You just don't. You can't occupy your mind with things that cause you fatigue and stress. You have to be your best to be effective in your role. You have to free your mind to hear what God instructs for your family. You can't be so full of other stuff that you are forgetful of the things that matter.

• Shut down negative conversations
• Shut down things that waste your time
• Shut down whatever threatens your peace
• Shut down the things that threaten your marriage.

God has made you the steward of your life. It's your responsibility to guard it well. Are you establishing boundaries? Are you doing the things that really matter? Are you a woman of wisdom?

Take a good look at your schedule. Take a good look at how you spend your time. What needs to be eliminated? What are you investing in that has no return? What relationships cause more problems than get solved? You have an amazing role, but it requires that you are at your best to fulfill it. I encourage you to go through your schedule, and anything that is pulling more from you than it is giving - SHUT IT DOWN!

Monday's Marriage Moment - Yes, I'm A Believer!

So they rose early in the morning and went out into the Wilderness of Tekoa; and as they went out, Jehoshaphat stood and said, “Hear me, O Judah and you inhabitants of Jerusalem: Believe in the Lord your God, and you shall be established; believe His prophets, and you shall prosper.”
2 Chronicles 20:20

I believe God. See, "I am a believing wife" is not just a cute hashtag or catchy phrase. It's a declaration of who I am, and it is what I invite wives to be. The main focus of that statement is "believing". We must be wholehearted believers in God and His word. We can't be governed by our feelings, our thoughts, or even past experiences. Our marriages - our lives - must be founded on belief in God. That is how we are established and unshakeable when situations come our way.

You must believe that God can do anything. ANYTHING.

• He can save marriages. 
• He can heal bodies. 
• He can soften hard hearts. 
• He can provide. 
• He can create opportunities. 
• He can turn situations completely around.

I know He can, but long before I saw it happen I believed that it would. Long before John accepted Christ as his savior, I believed that God would save him. Long before our marriage got where it is today, I had to believe that it would get better. I had to believe that God would do just what He said when I had no physical evidence to support it. After all, I am a believer - not just when I am in church, not just when things are going well, not just when my feelings support it. I am a believer at all times.

Believe God, Dear Wife. Believe His word. Believe His promises are for you. Believe His word is true. Be a believing wife and refuse to let anything make you doubt God...not what you see, what your husband says or does, not outside circumstances.

I am a Believing Wife, but more importantly, I am a believer in Jesus the Christ. Will you believe Him today? Will you believe that He can change the most impossible of situations? Will you trust Hmi with your heart? Will you trust Him with your marriage? 

Are you a believing wife?

Monday's Marriage Moment - Petty or Powerful?

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.
Romans 12:2

Petty Crocker. Petty Labelle. Petty and Pretty. Saved and Petty. We have come up with cute, trendy sayings to normalize being petty. We glorify pettiness as if achieving grand levels makes us special. The truth is it makes us pitiful. Pettiness is the opposite of powerful, and it is sabotaging relationships left and right.

Pettiness shows up in our marriages in various ways, but the results are the same - destruction and separation. We play the petty game by giving our spouses the silent treatment, playing "keep away" with intimacy, and trying to keep score with activites - I cooked dinner last night so you cook tonight, or you went out last weekend so I am going out this weekend. Our attempts at being petty cause chaos, confusion, and distance in our relationships. It's time to stop.

Stop glorifying being petty. Stop giving it a place in your marriage. Stop stooping to low levels to win at a game that causes both parties to lose. Stop it. Choose to overlook offenses. Decide to love even when your spouse is on your nerves. Determine that you will not give your spouse the silent treatment because you didn't get your way. Marriage isn't a game to be played. It's a journey to be taken together. You win together, or you lose together.

Petty really means childish. It means trivial and of little importance. Is that what we want to focus on in our marriages...being childish and trivial? The world's standards do not work for godly marriages. Allow God to transform your mind.You can't be the queen of petty and have a solid marriage. You are going to be petty or powerful, but you can't be both. Which do you choose?

It's time to go from petty to powerful. It's time to rise up and be the wife that God designed you to be. You can be a believing wife, but that requires you to live a believing life. Get out of agreement with petty, and get into agreement with God.

What one thing will you do to go from petty to powerful in your marriage?

Monday's Marriage Moment - I Didn't Realize What I Had!

as His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by glory and virtue
2 Peter 1:3

I didn't realize what I had. My back tire has a slow leak, and for the past couple of weeks I have been putting air in it once a week (John is more than happy to do it for me, but I drive the truck and have more of an opportunity to do so - and I am a country girl, so I don't mind). We plan to buy a set of tires for the truck this week, and for a truck my size they are pretty expensive. Anyway, I was putting air in the tire last week, and just when I had finished I noticed something under my truck. Guess what it was? A tire! Not a spare tire or a used tire...an actual new tire for my truck secured under the trunk just waiting to be used.

I had been putting air in a old tire when I could have simply used the new tire. I didn't know what I had! How many of us have been providing life support to something old when we actually have something new already? Many of us have new clothes with tags on them hanging in our closets, but we keep wearing the same things. We have new opportunities, but we keep repeating the same patterns. We have scriptures that promise us newness, but we are content to hang on to the old.
I see the act of me pumping air into that tire as "dead works". Yeah, it would sustain me for a while, but it would need "life" breathed into it again. It would need refill after refill, and it really isn't that stable. Now, just to be clear, I'm not saying that your marriage or your husband is lifeless. I'm saying that some of our patterns are. Are you trying to repair and "make do" with a defective thing when God has given you something new.

For example, are you still trying to solve problems with your words? Are you still trying to "make" your husband act, be, or do certain things? Are you complaining, fussing, and fighting rather than using the "new" strategies God has given you. He has placed inside of you love, joy, and peace. Did you forget you had it? He has given you His Holy Spirit which comes with wisdom, knowledge, and understanding. Have you forgotten? You have power living on the inside of you. Do you realize that? You don't have to fight like others because God delights in fighting for you! You don't have to manipulate or control. Simply rely on God to show you the way and grant you peace.

And let me add this. It's often easy to forget the great things in your spouse because you see the issues. Don't miss these qualities. Write a list if you have to. Spend some time intently focusing on the things that drew you to them in the first place. So many people lose the 80% they have looking for the 20% they are missing. I encourage you today to realize what you have. Take inventory. It could save you lots of time and energy. Realize what you have!

Monday's Marriage Moment - It Will Work Out...Just Probably Not Like You Planned

I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through [Christ who strengthens me.
Philippians 4:12-13

I like lists and schedules. I like plans and agendas. So, as usual, I had a plan for my day. I worked out as usual, and then I planned to be super domestic: I was cooking some homemade chicken and dumplings (with actual homemade dumplings - rolled out the dough and everything), and I had shucked some ears of corn. You have to be from the south to understand shucking corn! My daughter was making some homemade brownies, and I fully intended to eat and lounge for the remainder of the day. Then my plans changed. An emergency phone call cancelled those plans and sent me out of town.

As I reflect on the day, I realize that even though the emergency wasn't in my plan it was in God's. The events didn't catch Him by surprise. They didn't interfere with His schedule or agenda at all. He knew what was going to happen, and in subtle ways, He put things in place. My son had a ride to practice. Dinner was done. My husband was able to go with me to attend to the situation. We were able to provide love, support, and assistance to those who needed us.

So, I want to encourage you today that things will work out. They just won't typically work out as you plan them, and that is okay. I have seen that not just in today, but in the last few months and years. I had a plan for where I would be at this age. I had a plan for my family and friends. I had a plan for my career and finances. None of those things are exactly as I planned them, but many of them have worked out better. I had to learn to accept a better plan. As Paul indicates in our scripture, we have to be flexible enough to handle whatever comes. It's okay to have a plan, but we can't hold onto it so tightly that there is no room for God. Be flexible, Dear Friend! There will be interruptions, emergencies, and unexpected events. Know that God always has a plan - even when it's not a part of your plan!

Monday's Marriage Moment - Stick to the Script!

Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.
2 Timothy 2:15

Stick to the script, Dear Sister! Stick to the script! No actor becomes successful by showing up to the movie set without knowing the lines. They spend months studying and reviewing the provided script. They familiarize themselves with it knowing that the day is coming when the director will yell, "action", and they must be prepared for that moment. Can I suggest to you today that you need to do the same thing? You need to spend time studying the script! What's the script you ask? Well, Sis, it's the Word of God!

He has a script prepared for you so that you know exactly what to say when life yells, "Action"! He has laid out line by line what you need to say, how you need to reply, and even what you should express when the pressure is on and all lights are on you!

Don't you dare wait until the moment to try to come up with your own response. Don't try to wing it when the pressures of life invade your space. Spend some time right now reviewing the script, familiarizing yourself with what it says, and even memorizing your lines.

When you and your spouse are not on the same page - go back to the script.
When you and your spouse are encountering financial or emotional challenges - go back to the script.
When your children are not living up to their potential - go back to the script.
When you need to encourage and speak life to your spouse - go back to the script!

No matter what you are facing, God has laid out a perfect script for you to follow. He doesn't ask you to learn anyone else's lines. He just wants you to focus on your own. As the director, He knows the role that everyone needs to play in order for their to be an effective finished product. Your role is simply to spend time with the script and then stick to it when the time comes.

The cameras will roll. The curtain will come up. Will you be ready when He yells, "ACTION"?

Monday's Marriage Moment - Can You See Clearly?

Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense. 
-Proverbs 19:11

No one can offend you like your spouse can. After all, they are the one that is closest to you.They see you at your best and at your worst. So, even though they are the person you love the most, they are also the one that is capable of causing the most harm. I know that they don't often mean to offend. Sometimes they are just telling the truth or maybe they make a callous statement that hits too close to home. Either way, an offense can be caused.

Your role is not to let the offense take root in your heart. See, offense can fester and grow. It can cause things to be blown out of proportion. Offense can blind you. It can cause you to only see what happened to hurt you and not all the good things that the other person did. Offense causes you to see what the person did to you, but it blinds you to what you may have done to the other person. Offense causes you to only see things through a lens of hurt and pain rather than objectively and clearly. Matthew 7:3-5 tells us to focus on our own shortcomings and then we can see clearly to help others. Make sure that you can see clearly.

Great people have ended good marriages over a bad moment. They focused more on the offense than the good times, God's great plan, and their future. So, we must deal with offense quickly. It comes to destroy. It separates. It poisons. It kills.

Overlook the offense if you can. Refuse to be offended. It is challenging, but you can do it. If your spouse has offended you I encourage you to clear the air. Spend some time with God to heal your heart. Be honest about your feelings with Him, and ask Him to keep you from bitterness, anger, and unforgiveness. Talk to your spouse about it, and do what you need to do to have a clear conscience. Act quickly. Reconcile. Move forward in power and unity.

Monday's Marriage Moment - I Almost Messed Up!

The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace.

Exodus 14:14

Sisters! I almost messed up! Whew! I mean...I really almost messed up. I was hurt. I was offended. I was angry, and I almost responded in that anger. I almost gave someone "a piece of my mind". I almost forgot who I was.

Yeah, I almost messed up! Almost - very nearly, all but, just short of - but I didn't. I am so glad that I can use the word "almost" today because there have been times in the past when I couldn't. There were times when I went all the way and rendered eveil for evil; that I met people right where they were. I wouldn't cuss or disrespect them, but I would come down to their level and give them what I felt was a necessary response.

Today, however, I realize that it is not necessary to respond. It is not necessary to make a list of points to prove how right I am. It is not necessary to defend. What is necessary is peace, and I will lose a lot more of that if I respond.

So, I am taking comfort in silence today. I would be lying if I told you that I don't want to respond because I really do...but I won't. I love God more than I love getting my way. I love His approval of me more than I do getting it off my chest. I love peace with Him more than giving someone a piece of my mind.

I remember who I am. I belong to God, and He has promised to vindicate me. I choose to let Him fight my battles. I encourage you today to do the same. No more arguing. No more making your case or trying to convince people that you are justified. No more meeting them where they are. No more.

God has you covered. He has promised to perfect all that concerns you. He will vindicate you. Remember who you are. Remember whose you are. Take your seat of authority and refuse to move. It's ok if you almost messed up...just don't go all the way!

Monday's Marriage Moment - He's Calling You Back

“Now, therefore,” says the Lord,
“Turn to Me with all your heart,
With fasting, with weeping, and with mourning.”
So rend your heart, and not your garments;
Return to the Lord your God,
For He is gracious and merciful,
Slow to anger, and of great kindness;
And He relents from doing harm.
-Joel 2:12-13

I saw a meme yesterday that said, "if I say I'm calling you back just go ahead and enjoy the rest of your day". It made me laugh because sometimes I am guilty of that. I have good intentions to call you back, but I can get busy with other things and forget. Unlike me, God does not forget, and I believe that He is calling you back even now. Obviously, He is not making a phone call to you, but I believe that He is calling you back to a place in Him that you may have wandered from. He is calling you back to your position of prayer and peace. He is calling you back to spend time with Him away from all the noise and distractions.

As a wife, I know the pressures and responsibilities that we face. I know how easy it is to become focused on so many things that you aren't really focused on anything. I know what it is to get busy doing things and forget why you are doing them. So, I am sharing with you the message that God shared with me: I'm calling you back - back to His presence, back to His way of doing things, back to caring more about what He thinks and less about what others think. He is calling you back to His plan for your life and marriage.

Listen, God - the Creator of the universe - wants you. He sent Jesus to the cross in order to redeem you back to Himself. Yes, He wants your marriage to be successful. Yes, He wants your ministry to be successful. He wants your career, business, and life to be successful, but more than any of that He simply wants you. And if you really want to be successful, you should want Him more than anything else.

So, He is calling you back. Will you answer?

Monday's Marriage Moment - So Many Responsibilities!

No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he’ll never let you be pushed past your limit; he’ll always be there to help you come through it.
-1 Corinthians 10:13 (MSG)

I love being a wife, but it is not all that I am. I am a mother. I am a daughter and a sister. I am a minister and an author. I am a friend. I am an educator and a mentor. I am all of that and then some. I don't say that to boast. Chances are you have similar roles in your life, and you could probably add a few that I left out. I am pointing this out today because if I am not careful I can get out of balance.

I had a startling reality with one of my children this weekend that reminded me of my need to order all of my responsibilities. As much as I love teaching, ministering, and writing, I fully believe that my family comes first. However, sometimes my actions don't reflect this belief. That was hard to type!
It's not that I intentionally put other things first. It's actually very subtle, but if I am not focused other things can creep there way to to the top of my list. I can get caught up in ministering to wives, writing, or teaching and neglect the very people I hold so dear. I am guessing that perhaps you can too. Sometimes I think that they can handle things themselves or they will be fine, and I take care of things that I think need my attention, but the truth is that my family needs my attention. Maybe you get caught up serving in ministry or helping your friends. Maybe, for you, it's working on your business, launching a ministy, or working at your place of employment. Whatever it might be, I encourage you to take a harsh look at what is really important.

I never want to get so caught up in the public ministry that God has assigned me that I don't steward well the ministry He has given me at home. It's a delicate balance. Actually, it's a very clear order:

1. God - Let's be clear. God is first. Not church. Not ministry. Not the things that go along with serving God, but God Himself is first. If we don't settle this we will overextend ourselves doing godly things without God's approval.
2. Family - Our first ministry is our family. After God created Adam He created a wife and family for him. This should show us the significance of family in God's eyes. 
3. Everything else - Yep...everything else comes after God and family. 

As I was presenting my requests to God, asking Him how to keep my life in right order with so many responsibilities, He gave me a very clear answer: trust Me. He reminded me that I was never designed to do it alone. Yes, I have an amazing husband that helps me more than I deserve, but I have almighty God walking this journey right beside me. Many times I don't rely on His strength until I have tried it all on my own, but I am declaring an end to that today. I'm asking Him for strategies and steps to handle all that He has put into my care, and I believe that He is going to show me exactly what to do. He already gave me the first step - trust Him. I encourage you to do the same. 

Monday's Marriage Moment - You're Married to God

For your Maker is your husband,
The Lord of hosts is His name;
And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel;
He is called the God of the whole earth.
-Isaiah 54:5

A few months ago, I hosted my first ever Believing Wives Retreat. This time away was for wives only. My 10-year old daughter wanted badly to come away with us, but I kept telling her it was for wives only. In her frustration one day, she exclaimed, "I don't see why I can't come. I am married to God". At the time, her response caused me to laugh, but for some reason this morning God brought her exclamation back to my mind. I was praying about being a better wife, and He said this to me, "If you want to be a better wife to John, you need to be a better wife to Me". Ouch! Those words hit me like a ton of bricks.

God reminded me that before I am John's wife I am His. The day I walked to the altar and received Him as my personal savior was our wedding day. I am in covenant with God, and therefore, His wife. As God's wife, I need to do more than be faithful (just like I need to do more than just be faithful to John). If I want my union with God to be powerful and lasting, I need to prioritize Him.

• I need to make sure that we are communicating effectively. Seeing as how communication is one of the major "marriage killers", I need to make sure that my communication with God is open and honest. Do I talk to him often? Do I listen when He talks? Do I unload all of my stuff on Him without stopping to hear what is on His mind? Do I seek His approval and opinion before I seek any other opinion?
• I need to make sure that we spend time together. Do I talk to Him before I start my day? when I end my day? throughout the day? Do I spend regular quality time with Him. Do I show Him how much I value that time?
• I need to make sure that we are intimate. No marriage will remain whole if intimacy is not present. I need to be intimate with God by being open and honest with Him. I can pour out my heart to Him. I can trust Him with everything. There can be no hiding and no secrets in our relationship.

There is a direct correlation between our marriage to God and our marriage to our spouse. If we want to be better wives to our husbands, we need to be better wives to God.

Monday's Marriage Moment - What Are You Praying For?

Then Joshua spoke to the Lord in the day when the Lord delivered up the Amorites before the children of Israel, and he said in the sight of Israel:
“Sun, stand still over Gibeon;
And Moon, in the Valley of Aijalon.”
So the sun stood still,
And the moon stopped,
Till the people had revenge
Upon their enemies.
-Joshua 10:12-13

Joshua prayed and the sun stood still. Wow! The sun - the one that rises and sets - stood still in the sky. I read that verse of scripture, and it challenged and convicted me. Am I praying on this level? Am I praying for the miraculous to happen in my life (and actually believing that it will happen)? Or am I praying run of the mill, "Lord bless them", prayers?

As I reflect, men and women in the bible prayed bold, faith-filled prayers. Joshua prayed that the sun stand still. Elijah prayed that it would not rain. Hannah prayed for a son. Do you know what happened in every case? The sun stood still. It didn't rain for three years. Hannah conceived a son. Their request was granted. Their prayers were answered. So, what are we praying for?

When we pray for our marriages are we praying minimal and basic prayers or bold, audacious, out of our reach prayers? Are we praying for something that we can make happen or something only God can make happen?

When we pray for our husbands are we praying generic prayers or are we praying "sun stand still prayers"?

If we aren't praying boldly, why not? Do we believe that we can pray boldly? Do we believe that God can answer? that He will answer? Why aren't we praying like Elijah, Joshua, and so many others that are examples in our bibles? We have the power of the Holy Spirit residing in us! We have the supernatural ability to pray for the miraculous and see it happen.

I challenge you this week to pray boldy! Pray for things that only God can do! Pray "sun stand still" prayers and watch God work!

Monday's Marriage Moment - You've Got The Power!

Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives
1 Peter 3:1

You aren't just a wife. You aren't just a mother. You aren't JUST anything! So many times we use the word "just" to describe who we are and what we do, but the word "just" means "barely or by a narrow margin" according to the dictionary. You aren't barely or narrowly anything! You are a daughter of the King! Stop minimizing who you are! Perhaps, we minimize ourselves - our gifts and abilities - to make others feel better. Maybe we do it because we have some insecurities about them. Maybe we do it because we have been taught to, but today I would like to remind you, Believing Wife,  who you are, and I want you to own every bit of it!

Godly wives - Believing Wives - are powerful! In the bible, it was a wife named Deborah that ruled and governed based on God's word. It was a wife named Sarah, that embodied faithfulness and stood with Abraham even when he was tripping. It was a wife named Mary that stood on the truth of God's word and became pregnant with Christ, even when her husband wanted to put her away and society would have desired to stone her. It was a wife named Abigail that interceded for her husband (clearly a fool) when his actions could have cost them all their lives. It was a wife, we know her as the Shunnamite Woman, who made a room for the prophet of God to stay and thus brought blessing to her home and husband because of it!

This is the power that we have been given by God as wives! This is the role to which we have been called. Do you not know, dear wife, that you can win your husband without saying a word (1 Peter 3:1)? Do you not know that you have the power of influence that can be used for either good or evil (remember Eve influenced Adam to eat the apple and Delilah influence Samson to reveal the source of his strength)? Do you not know that you can set atmospheres and shift climates? Do you know that you can pray and things change? Do you know that you have power?

Do you know who you are? If not, today is a good day to get acquainted with the wife God has called you to be! He has called you to be powerful, skillful, and sharp! He has called you to discern and detect what is happening both in and to your spouse and to war on his behalf! You don't even have to open your mouth! Your actions and conduct can call things to order! Take your rightful place, Believing Wife! You have power. Use it well!

Monday's Marriage Moment - Make Room for God!

And she said to her husband, “Look now, I know that this is a holy man of God, who passes by us regularly. Please, let us make a small upper room on the wall; and let us put a bed for him there, and a table and a chair and a lampstand; so it will be, whenever he comes to us, he can turn in there.”

2 Kings 4:9-10

Dear Wife, make room for God. Set aside time for him. Set aside a location where you can fellowship. Set aside yourself to hear what He wants to say. I know – you probably have a solid relationship with God already. You probably regularly attend worship service and fellowship with other believers. I am sure that you have a regular devotion and prayer time. I guess that you are pretty solid, but I believe that there are some ways that even you can make more room for God:

• Maybe you can make room for God to speak to your husband rather than trying to convince Him yourself?
• Maybe you can make room for peace to reign in your home?
• Maybe you can make room for God in your schedule?

Yeah, there are plenty of ways that we need to make room for God. In our passage for today, this woman watched Elijah pass by time after time. She knew he was a man of God, and she decided that she didn’t just want him to pass by. She didn’t just want him to visit. She wanted to provide a place for him to dwell. She recognized the greatness that was in his life, and she wanted that in her home.

Have you seen the greatness of God? Have you seen what He can do? Have you seen His power in your life? Don’t you want that in your home? I encourage you to make room for him.

Note that this wife didn’t wait for her husband to suggest that they build a room. She took it upon herself to do so. There will be times that you will have to do it first. You may have to initiate spiritual activities. I know it can be frustrating, but if you do it with a pure heart you will see great rewards! So, if you have to make room for God by initiating prayer do it! If you have to make room for God by initiating church fellowship do it! If you have to make room for God by initiating bible study do it! Make room for God!

Clear your schedule if you must, but by all means make room for God.

Monday's Marriage Moment - So Tired I Could Cry

And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
-2 Corinthians 12:9

Have you ever been so tired that you could cry? That was how I felt Saturday morning. I was attending/volunteering for an amazing conference. I had been on my feet serving for over 12 hours for the last couple of days. I was standing in worship at 6:00am prayer, and I was tired. I wanted to lift my hands and tell God how amazing He is. I wanted to bow down and worship Him. I wanted to exclaim how great He is, but all I could do is stand there and let the tears fall. I had no words - no eloquent earthly or heavenly language. Like Hannah in the book of Samule I made no noise. All I had was tears.

I spent my time in worship allowing my tears to fall freely. I knew that God understood them. I knew that He was not upset with me or disappointed in me. I believe that He appreciated my raw honesty before Him. He knew that my schedule was full for the rest of the day - minister at another conference, return to this conference, ensure that my children got where they needed to go. He knew that I would unexpectedly have to minister the next day. So I believe that He welcomed my tears.

I was reminded of the verse that I have listed for today. His grace is sufficient. It is enough. Why? Because His strength is made perfect in our weakness. I was definitely weak, but His strength carried me through that day and the next. He allowed me to minister effectively, parent effectively, and be a wife effectively. God is showing me that He wants to do that for me every day - not just on the days when I feel that I can't handle it. He wants to consistently be my strength. So, I have to consistently come to Him and make that exchange - my weakness for His strength.

Are you tired? Are you overwhelmed with the responsibilities that you have? Take a few minutes to let God strengthen you. He is okay if you just sit in His presence and let the tears fall. He is fine if you can't quite find the words to say. He just wants you to come to Him. I assure you that you will leave your time together refreshed and renewed.