Monday's Marriage Moment - Shut it Down!

Keep your heart with all diligence,
For out of it spring the issues of life.
Proverbs 4:23

Unplug it. Turn it off. Walk away from it. Close the door. I know that we love open doors and connectivity, but we must be serious about eliminating and removing anything that distracts us from our purpose, anything that creates chaos and confusion, and anything that creatives negativity and stress. I know as wives that there are lots of things that vie for our attention, but as gatekeepers and women on the front lines, we must guard our hearts and lives from anything that pulls us from purpose.

A few weeks ago I went into the grocery store, shopped, paid for my items, and left the store. The issue with that is that I left all of my groceries in the store. I paid for them and left them. Who does that? Someone whose mind is too occupied. Someone who is carrying too much. Someone who needed a mental break before she had a mental break. Don't find yourself in my situation. Free your mind from all that consumes it.

You role as a wife makes you to some degree a doctor, a therapist, a household manager, the budget manager, the schedule keeper and so much more. With all those duties, you don't have time for energy wasters and time sucks. You just don't. You can't occupy your mind with things that cause you fatigue and stress. You have to be your best to be effective in your role. You have to free your mind to hear what God instructs for your family. You can't be so full of other stuff that you are forgetful of the things that matter.

• Shut down negative conversations
• Shut down things that waste your time
• Shut down whatever threatens your peace
• Shut down the things that threaten your marriage.

God has made you the steward of your life. It's your responsibility to guard it well. Are you establishing boundaries? Are you doing the things that really matter? Are you a woman of wisdom?

Take a good look at your schedule. Take a good look at how you spend your time. What needs to be eliminated? What are you investing in that has no return? What relationships cause more problems than get solved? You have an amazing role, but it requires that you are at your best to fulfill it. I encourage you to go through your schedule, and anything that is pulling more from you than it is giving - SHUT IT DOWN!

Monday's Marriage Moment - Yes, I'm A Believer!

So they rose early in the morning and went out into the Wilderness of Tekoa; and as they went out, Jehoshaphat stood and said, “Hear me, O Judah and you inhabitants of Jerusalem: Believe in the Lord your God, and you shall be established; believe His prophets, and you shall prosper.”
2 Chronicles 20:20

I believe God. See, "I am a believing wife" is not just a cute hashtag or catchy phrase. It's a declaration of who I am, and it is what I invite wives to be. The main focus of that statement is "believing". We must be wholehearted believers in God and His word. We can't be governed by our feelings, our thoughts, or even past experiences. Our marriages - our lives - must be founded on belief in God. That is how we are established and unshakeable when situations come our way.

You must believe that God can do anything. ANYTHING.

• He can save marriages. 
• He can heal bodies. 
• He can soften hard hearts. 
• He can provide. 
• He can create opportunities. 
• He can turn situations completely around.

I know He can, but long before I saw it happen I believed that it would. Long before John accepted Christ as his savior, I believed that God would save him. Long before our marriage got where it is today, I had to believe that it would get better. I had to believe that God would do just what He said when I had no physical evidence to support it. After all, I am a believer - not just when I am in church, not just when things are going well, not just when my feelings support it. I am a believer at all times.

Believe God, Dear Wife. Believe His word. Believe His promises are for you. Believe His word is true. Be a believing wife and refuse to let anything make you doubt God...not what you see, what your husband says or does, not outside circumstances.

I am a Believing Wife, but more importantly, I am a believer in Jesus the Christ. Will you believe Him today? Will you believe that He can change the most impossible of situations? Will you trust Hmi with your heart? Will you trust Him with your marriage? 

Are you a believing wife?

Monday's Marriage Moment - Petty or Powerful?

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.
Romans 12:2

Petty Crocker. Petty Labelle. Petty and Pretty. Saved and Petty. We have come up with cute, trendy sayings to normalize being petty. We glorify pettiness as if achieving grand levels makes us special. The truth is it makes us pitiful. Pettiness is the opposite of powerful, and it is sabotaging relationships left and right.

Pettiness shows up in our marriages in various ways, but the results are the same - destruction and separation. We play the petty game by giving our spouses the silent treatment, playing "keep away" with intimacy, and trying to keep score with activites - I cooked dinner last night so you cook tonight, or you went out last weekend so I am going out this weekend. Our attempts at being petty cause chaos, confusion, and distance in our relationships. It's time to stop.

Stop glorifying being petty. Stop giving it a place in your marriage. Stop stooping to low levels to win at a game that causes both parties to lose. Stop it. Choose to overlook offenses. Decide to love even when your spouse is on your nerves. Determine that you will not give your spouse the silent treatment because you didn't get your way. Marriage isn't a game to be played. It's a journey to be taken together. You win together, or you lose together.

Petty really means childish. It means trivial and of little importance. Is that what we want to focus on in our marriages...being childish and trivial? The world's standards do not work for godly marriages. Allow God to transform your mind.You can't be the queen of petty and have a solid marriage. You are going to be petty or powerful, but you can't be both. Which do you choose?

It's time to go from petty to powerful. It's time to rise up and be the wife that God designed you to be. You can be a believing wife, but that requires you to live a believing life. Get out of agreement with petty, and get into agreement with God.

What one thing will you do to go from petty to powerful in your marriage?

Monday's Marriage Moment - I Didn't Realize What I Had!

as His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by glory and virtue
2 Peter 1:3

I didn't realize what I had. My back tire has a slow leak, and for the past couple of weeks I have been putting air in it once a week (John is more than happy to do it for me, but I drive the truck and have more of an opportunity to do so - and I am a country girl, so I don't mind). We plan to buy a set of tires for the truck this week, and for a truck my size they are pretty expensive. Anyway, I was putting air in the tire last week, and just when I had finished I noticed something under my truck. Guess what it was? A tire! Not a spare tire or a used tire...an actual new tire for my truck secured under the trunk just waiting to be used.

I had been putting air in a old tire when I could have simply used the new tire. I didn't know what I had! How many of us have been providing life support to something old when we actually have something new already? Many of us have new clothes with tags on them hanging in our closets, but we keep wearing the same things. We have new opportunities, but we keep repeating the same patterns. We have scriptures that promise us newness, but we are content to hang on to the old.
I see the act of me pumping air into that tire as "dead works". Yeah, it would sustain me for a while, but it would need "life" breathed into it again. It would need refill after refill, and it really isn't that stable. Now, just to be clear, I'm not saying that your marriage or your husband is lifeless. I'm saying that some of our patterns are. Are you trying to repair and "make do" with a defective thing when God has given you something new.

For example, are you still trying to solve problems with your words? Are you still trying to "make" your husband act, be, or do certain things? Are you complaining, fussing, and fighting rather than using the "new" strategies God has given you. He has placed inside of you love, joy, and peace. Did you forget you had it? He has given you His Holy Spirit which comes with wisdom, knowledge, and understanding. Have you forgotten? You have power living on the inside of you. Do you realize that? You don't have to fight like others because God delights in fighting for you! You don't have to manipulate or control. Simply rely on God to show you the way and grant you peace.

And let me add this. It's often easy to forget the great things in your spouse because you see the issues. Don't miss these qualities. Write a list if you have to. Spend some time intently focusing on the things that drew you to them in the first place. So many people lose the 80% they have looking for the 20% they are missing. I encourage you today to realize what you have. Take inventory. It could save you lots of time and energy. Realize what you have!

Monday's Marriage Moment - It Will Work Out...Just Probably Not Like You Planned

I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through [Christ who strengthens me.
Philippians 4:12-13

I like lists and schedules. I like plans and agendas. So, as usual, I had a plan for my day. I worked out as usual, and then I planned to be super domestic: I was cooking some homemade chicken and dumplings (with actual homemade dumplings - rolled out the dough and everything), and I had shucked some ears of corn. You have to be from the south to understand shucking corn! My daughter was making some homemade brownies, and I fully intended to eat and lounge for the remainder of the day. Then my plans changed. An emergency phone call cancelled those plans and sent me out of town.

As I reflect on the day, I realize that even though the emergency wasn't in my plan it was in God's. The events didn't catch Him by surprise. They didn't interfere with His schedule or agenda at all. He knew what was going to happen, and in subtle ways, He put things in place. My son had a ride to practice. Dinner was done. My husband was able to go with me to attend to the situation. We were able to provide love, support, and assistance to those who needed us.

So, I want to encourage you today that things will work out. They just won't typically work out as you plan them, and that is okay. I have seen that not just in today, but in the last few months and years. I had a plan for where I would be at this age. I had a plan for my family and friends. I had a plan for my career and finances. None of those things are exactly as I planned them, but many of them have worked out better. I had to learn to accept a better plan. As Paul indicates in our scripture, we have to be flexible enough to handle whatever comes. It's okay to have a plan, but we can't hold onto it so tightly that there is no room for God. Be flexible, Dear Friend! There will be interruptions, emergencies, and unexpected events. Know that God always has a plan - even when it's not a part of your plan!

Monday's Marriage Moment - Stick to the Script!

Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.
2 Timothy 2:15

Stick to the script, Dear Sister! Stick to the script! No actor becomes successful by showing up to the movie set without knowing the lines. They spend months studying and reviewing the provided script. They familiarize themselves with it knowing that the day is coming when the director will yell, "action", and they must be prepared for that moment. Can I suggest to you today that you need to do the same thing? You need to spend time studying the script! What's the script you ask? Well, Sis, it's the Word of God!

He has a script prepared for you so that you know exactly what to say when life yells, "Action"! He has laid out line by line what you need to say, how you need to reply, and even what you should express when the pressure is on and all lights are on you!

Don't you dare wait until the moment to try to come up with your own response. Don't try to wing it when the pressures of life invade your space. Spend some time right now reviewing the script, familiarizing yourself with what it says, and even memorizing your lines.

When you and your spouse are not on the same page - go back to the script.
When you and your spouse are encountering financial or emotional challenges - go back to the script.
When your children are not living up to their potential - go back to the script.
When you need to encourage and speak life to your spouse - go back to the script!

No matter what you are facing, God has laid out a perfect script for you to follow. He doesn't ask you to learn anyone else's lines. He just wants you to focus on your own. As the director, He knows the role that everyone needs to play in order for their to be an effective finished product. Your role is simply to spend time with the script and then stick to it when the time comes.

The cameras will roll. The curtain will come up. Will you be ready when He yells, "ACTION"?

Monday's Marriage Moment - Can You See Clearly?

Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense. 
-Proverbs 19:11

No one can offend you like your spouse can. After all, they are the one that is closest to you.They see you at your best and at your worst. So, even though they are the person you love the most, they are also the one that is capable of causing the most harm. I know that they don't often mean to offend. Sometimes they are just telling the truth or maybe they make a callous statement that hits too close to home. Either way, an offense can be caused.

Your role is not to let the offense take root in your heart. See, offense can fester and grow. It can cause things to be blown out of proportion. Offense can blind you. It can cause you to only see what happened to hurt you and not all the good things that the other person did. Offense causes you to see what the person did to you, but it blinds you to what you may have done to the other person. Offense causes you to only see things through a lens of hurt and pain rather than objectively and clearly. Matthew 7:3-5 tells us to focus on our own shortcomings and then we can see clearly to help others. Make sure that you can see clearly.

Great people have ended good marriages over a bad moment. They focused more on the offense than the good times, God's great plan, and their future. So, we must deal with offense quickly. It comes to destroy. It separates. It poisons. It kills.

Overlook the offense if you can. Refuse to be offended. It is challenging, but you can do it. If your spouse has offended you I encourage you to clear the air. Spend some time with God to heal your heart. Be honest about your feelings with Him, and ask Him to keep you from bitterness, anger, and unforgiveness. Talk to your spouse about it, and do what you need to do to have a clear conscience. Act quickly. Reconcile. Move forward in power and unity.