Monday's Marriage Moment - The Purge!

But in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and of silver, but also of wood and of earth; and some to honour, and some to dishonour. If a man therefore purge himself from these, he shall be a vessel unto honour, sanctified, and meet for the master's use, and prepared unto every good work.
2 Timothy 2:20-21

I took too much stuff. I promised myself that I wouldn't but I did. Every time I have moved since being an adult I have taken too much stuff. The same thing happened to me the last time I moved. I still have boxes that I haven't unpacked and stuff I haven't gone through. You know how it is: after you have been packing for days you stop going through every item and start just throwing things in boxes. That inevitably leads to taking too much stuff.

We don't just do this when packing for a move we also do it as we navigate life. We take too much stuff to the next place - the next relationship, the next assignment, the next thing. We take our old mindset into our new relationship. We take past hurts into our new adventure. We take things that have gotten too small or are too worn - things that no longer fit - into our new place and wonder why we don't have room in our closets.

Some of us are making our current husbands pay for what previous men did. Some of us have never really addressed things that did in fact happen with our current husbands. Others of us are carrying hurts and self-esteem issues from our childhood. We never really dealt with the stuff we were holding on to and so it's taking up space - sitting unopened smack dab in the middle of our homes. It takes a lot of time and energy to open those boxes and examine each piece. It takes a lot of courage to make objective decisions about the things we have carried when our feelings want to run away from them.

Our scripture reminds us that even when the house is "great" there are vessels there that don't belong. No matter how wonderful your marriage, how successful you are, how many things you have accomplished there are things that God wants to remove from your life so that you can grow. Actually, He wants you to remove them (note the scriptures says "if a man purge himself") so you can grow. I think it is time for some spring cleaning. Take inventory this week to see what things - what traits, qualities, issues, and concerns - God wants you to purge. Is there unforgiveness? bitterness? anger? low self-esteem? rejection? pride? What vessels of dishonor is God speaking to you about? Will you be brave enough to sit down and begin to go through it? He is right there with you ready to replace the things you purge with so much more!

Monday's Marriage Moment - Crown Your King!

An excellent wife is the crown of her husband,
But she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones.
Proverbs 12:4

I grew up playing checkers with my dad. Normally, he would win as he had more experience than I did, but I still loved to play with him. Even though I rarely, if ever, won I remember the highlight being when I somehow made it to the opposite end of the checkerboard. I would boldly declare, "king me"! I loved it when he put that other checker on top of mine in the act of "crowning me". See, making it to the other side didn't make me win the game, but I knew when he crowned me I would be afforded more freedom. I could move in different ways than I could before the crown. I could jump more pieces. That crown guaranteed that I had more opportunity and more power.

What does that have to do with marriage, you ask? Everything! You have the amazing responsibility of crowning your husband! You get to bring out the king in him. You get to afford him the opportunity to move and advance to more places with less effort! Girl, you better crown your king!
He has worked hard to make it to whatever place he is currently. The battle is not over, and there is more to do, but when you crown him you give him more freedom, authority, and access to be all that God has called him to be.

The natural question, then, is how do I crown him? I'm glad you asked. First, you live a life that is pleasing to God. You live in a way that brings God honor AND your husband honor. You represent the kingdom AND your husband well. Then you bring out the king in him. That means that you speak to him like he is God's child - because he is. You ensure that your words are grace seasoned with salt - not nagging, complaining, or being contentious. You make sure that he feels loved and appreciated. You make your home and place that he is glad to come home to. You take care of your man. I know that sounds outdated and antiquated, but I believe that it is God's desire that we take care of our husbands. I don't mean that we are slaves or that they sit home while we work and do everything, but I do believe that it means that we take care of their needs and make their jobs as head of our homes easier.

Bottom line - you are the crown! You are a symbol of the power and authority that he possesses. Will you adorn him with beauty or shame? Will you rise to the occasion, excellent wife? Will you bring out the king in your husband?

Monday's Marriage Moment - It's Time for a Tune Up!

Be diligent to know the state of your flocks,
And attend to your herds
Proverbs 23:27

No one waits until their car breaks down to get a tune up. Actually, at that point it is too late. Most of us understand that if we want our car to perform at optimum capacity we need regular maintenance. We can't simply put gas in the car and expect it to run forever. We must have the oil changed, spark plugs replaced, and tires rotated. We need regular maintenance to ensure that our cars run smoothly and effectively for a long time.

In the same way, we schedule regular check-ups with the doctor. We typically go every six months simply to have our blood pressure checked or have our glucose or iron levels monitored. The doctor uses his stethoscope to check our heart rate and monitor our breathing. We don't have these visits because something is wrong. We schedule these visits to prevent something from going wrong and catch any problems that may be present, but not obvious, before they become something major.

If we have our cars tuned up, and we have check-ups to maintain our health, why is it so foreign to have regular check-ups for our marriage? Why is it that we don't look into preventative maintenance to ensure that our marriages our running smoothly? We think that attending a marriage conference or seminar is indicative of a problem in our marriage when really it is a tune-up! We think that our marriage is going to thrive as we go about our normal routines and rituals when it actuality it is doing the opposite - becoming mundane and lifeless. Just like you can't maintain a car by only putting gas in it you can't maintain a marriage with rituals and routines.

Our bodies and cars experience normal wear and tear. It's just the way life its. If we want to get the most out of them we are going to need to check on them every now and then. Your marriage is no different. When is the last time you and your spouse checked in with each other to see how things were going? When is the last time you check in to see if you both were happy or satisfied with your communication? your love life? your finances? Have you put these things on auto-pilot? If so, I encourage you to schedule a tune - up. Maybe you need a date night, a vacation, or something spontaneous and exciting.

Take some time this week to check in for a check up with your spouse. You may find that like my older Expedition your "service engine soon" light is on. No worries! All you need is a tune up! Schedule it immediately!

Monday's Marriage Moment - Tell Them I'm Coming Back!

But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you.
Romans 8:11

Tell them I'm coming back! These words have been ringing in my spirit since Saturday! John and I were at a workship this weekend, and an image bearing those words was shown on the screen. Those words are now imprinted in my heart: Tell them I'm coming back! Of course, they make me think of Jesus. This is the week that we observe and remember the resurrection of our Lord and Savior. This is the week that we reflect on His sacrifice for us. This is the week that we celebrate His victory over death, hell, and the grave. No doubt, Satan thought Jesus was defeated when he hung His head and died, but not so! Yeah, we celebrate the biggest comeback ever this week!

Maybe you have forgotten, however, that His comeback also guarantees your comeback! Did you hear me? Your comeback is guaranteed! Because He rose from what seemed like defeat you can too! See a comeback is defined by Merriam - Webster in this way: a return to a former position or condition (as of success or prosperity) : recovery, revival. Jesus was returned to His former position (seated with the Father with all power). He recovered all! He did it so that you could be returned to your former position with Him as well.

Life happens. We get distracted. People hurt us, and sometimes we hurt other people. We experience loss and grief, and there are times where we feel as if we are defeated, but I declare unto you today that you are coming back! You are coming back from shame! You are coming back from low self-esteem. You are coming back from feeling rejected and lonely! Your marriage is coming back to the place that God called it to be! Your husband is coming back to his rightful place as the king and priest of your home! You are coming back to the wife of great character and wisdom! You ought to declare out loud, "I'm coming back"!

As you reflect this week on the greatest comeback ever told be reminded that you are coming back as well! The things the enemy sent to defeat you are being defeated themselves! You took some hard punches. You might have even fallen down a few times, but the match is not over! There is still time on the clock, and it looks to me like you are about to come out swinging! You are coming back!

Monday's Marriage Moment - What Do You Think?

There we saw the giants (the descendants of Anak came from the giants); and we were like grasshoppers in our own sight, and so we were in their sight.
Numbers 13:33

Do you think that you can accomplish what God has put in your heart? Do you think that your marriage will prosper and succeed? Do you think that you can start a business? What you think matters.You can think your way into success or failure. You can think your way into prosperity or lack. You can think your way into winning or losing. So, what do you think?

Take the account of the 12 spies in the book of Numbers. God had already promised the children of Israel that Canaan was theirs. He promised it, so it was a done deal. All they had to do was take ownership of it. Nonetheless, Moses sent twelve spies into the land to check it out and report back what they found. They all come back and confirm that it is in fact "a land flowing with milk and honey" just like God said. It would have been great if they stopped right there, but 10 of them didn't. They went on to report that they saw giants there, and because of that they saw themselves as grasshoppers.

Did you get that last sentence? They saw themselves as grasshoppers. The giants didn't see them that way. Moses didn't see them that way. God definitely didn't see them that way. That is how they saw themselves after seeing the giants and because of that they didn't think they could do it. So, they didn't. They wandered around for 40 more years because of what they thought about themselves.

Sometimes our perspectives of ourselves change because of how we see someone else. That is the problem with comparison. It's not that anything about you changed. It's just that when you see someone else (what they have, what they can do, how they live, etc.) you begin to measure yourself. It is a subtle trick of the enemy to cause us to minimize or even discount what God has said. It gets us off track and off focus, and we have to stop.

Listen, if God has faith in you, and He does, then you need to have faith in yourself. He knows that you can accomplish everything He has put in your hands to do. You just have to believe it for yourself! The same way He promised the children of Israel a land flowing with milk and honey, He has made some promises to you. Don't you let what you see cause you to doubt what He said! Don't see yourself as a grasshopper. You are a giant! Stop seeing yourself as not educated enough, not popular enough, not talented enough, and the list goes on and on. No! You are more than a conquerer. At least, that is what I think.

The question is what do you think?

Monday's Marriage Moment - What's In Your Hands?

Then Jael Heber's wife took a nail of the tent, and took an hammer in her hand, and went softly unto him, and smote the nail into his temples, and fastened it into the ground: for he was fast asleep and weary. So he died.
Judges 4:21

Don't tell me that you are just a wife! Don't you dare minimize the power and authority that you possess! You can make a dollar out of fifteen cents. You can fix dinner, wash clothes, return calls, plan a meeting, and plan a trip all in an afternoon. You can sense when things are not right with your spouse or children. You are powerful and beautiful, and you have what it takes!

I know that you might not always feel powerful, but let me encourage you today that you are. I know you have bigger vision than where you are now, and that is wonderful, but don't minimize where you are on the way to where you are going. Don't minimize what you have in search of what you want. Take Jael in our text. I am sure that she started her day in a normal fashion. She was a wife just like we are, so there was much to do, but this day was different. This day, the captain of the enemy army, Sisera, found himself at her tent. He was fleeing from the Israelite army and thought he had found safety with this woman. He was sadly mistaken. Being a noble wife, she seized the opportunity to protect not just her family but to strike a blow for Israel as well.

She lulled Sisera into a position of rest; so much so that he went to sleep. Then she used what she had nearby - a hammer and nail - and she killed Sisera. She didn't have a master plan for victory that day. She didn't have time to strategize, form a meeting of local wives, or research the best way to defeat army captains. She had to think on her feet. So, she used what she had to accomplish what an entire army could not.

What do you have in your hand, Dear Wife? What thing(s) has God given you to defeat the enemy? Has He given you words to write in a book or blog? Has He given you the ability to make beautiful decorations out of everyday things and minister love while you do it? Has He brought you through something to use those testimonies to help others? Has He given you the gift of song? What is it that you don't have to shop for or manufacture that He wants to use for His glory?

Whatever it is use it! It doesn't take years of training and the approval of man! All that is required is God's yes and whatever He has right at your fingertips! God has given you great and precious gifts. What's in your hands?!!!

Monday's Marriage Moment - You Can Walk on Water!

“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water. Come,” he said. 

Matthew 14:28-29

This week I will celebrate one year of serving as the leader of Believing Wives! I am filled with lots of emotion, but what I feel the most is gratitude. I am thankful that God chose me. I am thankful that He equipped me. I am thankful that He has given me people, resources, and strength to do it. I realize that none of this would have happened if I would not have said yes. I didn’t have the full picture. No one called me into an office and laid out a plan for starting a ministry. No one took me by the hand and said, “do this”. I didn’t have the resources. I didn’t have a place to hold meetings. I didn’t even know who would come. I stepped out in faith onto nothing. Well, nothing except God’s word to go, and that was enough. A year later I see that it was more than enough. 

You may not realize it, but when you said "I do" to your spouse you stepped out onto the water. You didn't know what your marriage would be like. You had no idea what the future would hold. You didn't have the full plan or picture, and no one sat you down and told you everything you needed to know. You just knew that this was the person God had for you to do it with. There are ups and there are downs, but every day that you get up and live out your vows you are taking a step out of the boat. 

Every time that an attack comes your way and you don't quit you are walking further out onto the sea. Every time that you obey God in honoring your spouse, you are taking a step closer to your destiny! The enemy has designed the attacks to drown you and cause you to go under, but you just keep walking on the water!

I know we like plans and order. I know we want the full picture before we commit, but that is not faith. Faith is taking a step even when you don't really know where your foot may land. It's trusting God even when you are not sure that you can trust people. It's getting up another day to live out the life that you have been called to live. That's faith! And, just as a reminder, God honors your faith, and it pleases Him. Remember, He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him (Hebrews 11:6).

I encourage you today to step out with nothing other than His word. It is enough. As you go forward in faith God will provide everything that you need. He will send the resources. He will send a word right when you need it. He will send the people to help. If you have been waiting for a word let this be it for you! Go! Launch! Move! Build! Write! Dream! Try! You don’t have to see the full picture. Just continue to see Him. He will bring it to pass. He will uphold you. His word does not return void!