Monday's Marriage Moment - Have You Thought About Him?

The wise woman builds her house,
But the foolish pulls it down with her hands.
Proverbs 14:1

Who doesn't love a good back rub or foot massage? What about being surprised with your favorite gift or or a night on the town? We certainly love when we come home and dinner is prepared and the kids are taken care of, right? Guess what? Our husbands do too. So often we expect them to take care of our needs, treat us like queens, and roll out the red carpet for us, but we don't always do the same.

Last week, I wrote about looking good for your husband, and that is important, but the bigger issue is showing him that you care enough to do so. They want to know that we value their feelings and opinions. They want to know that they are worth the effort...and we should let them know that they are.

A wise wife knows that she must pray AND apply what the bible says to build a lasting marriage. We need to cover our husbands and marriages in prayer, but we must also employ practical steps to have an effective marriage. One of those practical steps is to do things that build and not tear down. Our husbands need to be encouraged and affirmed; they need to be built up . They need to feel special just like we do, and they need us to do it. They go out into a world that doesn't always value and appreciate them. They face struggles and tests throughout the day, and they look forward to coming home to a welcoming, safe environment in which they are loved and appreciated. This is the perfect opportunity for us to build them and in turn build our marriage.

Let's make it our business to ensure that we provide that environment. Let's make it our business to let them know how valuable they are. Let's make it our priority to ensure that charity begins at home.

There are so many ways to show our appreciation to our husbands, but here are a few ideas to help you get started. Some are so simple that we don't think of them often, and some require a little more effort, but all of them will be worth it:

• Greet your husband with a hug when he arrives home
• Get up early and pack his breakfast/lunch with a love note
• Send him a text/note during the day with an appropriate affirmation
• Schedule a date night and wear his favorite outfit
• Set up a romantic night for the two of you
• Cook his favorite dinner 
• Give him a back and/or foot massage
• Text him a cute pic of you with a spicy message
• Buy his favorite snacks, treats, etc.

Spice these up however you would like, but know that these simple acts will have lasting effects on your marriage. 

Let me know which of these you will try this week or add to the list in the comments! 

Monday's Marriage Moment - Play Dress Up!

As a loving deer and a graceful doe,
Let her breasts satisfy you at all times;
And always be enraptured with her love.
-Proverbs 5:19

When I was a child I liked to watch cartoons. One of the characters was Wile E. Coyote. This coyote spent his entire life chasing a character called Road Runner. For years, I watched Wile E. have anvils dropped on his head, get blown up, and fall off of cliffs chasing Road Runner. Then one day to my surprise, Wile E. Coyote caught the Road Runner. You would think that he would have planned what to do once he caught him, but instead he held up a sign that said, "Now What". It's comical as a cartoon, but this happens all of the time in our lives, especially our marriages.

When we are dating we dress nice, smell good, and put our best foot forward. We keep our hair and nails done, and we speak so kindly to our potential spouse. Then we "get" our husbands, and like Wile E., we wonder now what? We think marriage is the finish line when actuality it is a journey. We get settled and stop doing the things that catch their attention and keep them excited about being with us. This is a cause of lots of stress and issues in marriages, and it is so preventable.

My husband called me the other night on his way home, and we were just talking in general. However, before he hung up he said, "Hey! Be dressed like you have a husband when I get home". Now, I could have gotten offended, but I didn't. I heard what he said. He wasn't asking to see me in my professional clothes or dressed to go to a formal event. He was asking me not to have on my old pajama bottoms and t-shirts that don't match. He wanted me to have something on that appealed to him, and I should want that too.

He doesn't necessarily want me to have on the pair of 3 inch heels and my birthday suit everyday when he comes on (actually, he probably does), but he doesn't want to come home to a bonnet and a moo moo everyday either. Let's not forget that our spouses are attracted to what they see. Give them something to look at. Don't just dress up for them - the people that you see at work, church, and out with your friends -- dress up for him!

I want my husband to be attracted to me, and I am sure that you want your spouse to be attracted to you too. Whether you are a size 2 or 22 isn't the issue. Your husband likes you. He likes how you look, and he definitely wants to look at you. Men are typically are appealed to visually so give him something to look at!

Monday's Marriage Moment - Shut it Down!

Keep your heart with all diligence,
For out of it spring the issues of life.
Proverbs 4:23

Unplug it. Turn it off. Walk away from it. Close the door. I know that we love open doors and connectivity, but we must be serious about eliminating and removing anything that distracts us from our purpose, anything that creates chaos and confusion, and anything that creatives negativity and stress. I know as wives that there are lots of things that vie for our attention, but as gatekeepers and women on the front lines, we must guard our hearts and lives from anything that pulls us from purpose.

A few weeks ago I went into the grocery store, shopped, paid for my items, and left the store. The issue with that is that I left all of my groceries in the store. I paid for them and left them. Who does that? Someone whose mind is too occupied. Someone who is carrying too much. Someone who needed a mental break before she had a mental break. Don't find yourself in my situation. Free your mind from all that consumes it.

You role as a wife makes you to some degree a doctor, a therapist, a household manager, the budget manager, the schedule keeper and so much more. With all those duties, you don't have time for energy wasters and time sucks. You just don't. You can't occupy your mind with things that cause you fatigue and stress. You have to be your best to be effective in your role. You have to free your mind to hear what God instructs for your family. You can't be so full of other stuff that you are forgetful of the things that matter.

• Shut down negative conversations
• Shut down things that waste your time
• Shut down whatever threatens your peace
• Shut down the things that threaten your marriage.

God has made you the steward of your life. It's your responsibility to guard it well. Are you establishing boundaries? Are you doing the things that really matter? Are you a woman of wisdom?

Take a good look at your schedule. Take a good look at how you spend your time. What needs to be eliminated? What are you investing in that has no return? What relationships cause more problems than get solved? You have an amazing role, but it requires that you are at your best to fulfill it. I encourage you to go through your schedule, and anything that is pulling more from you than it is giving - SHUT IT DOWN!

Monday's Marriage Moment - Yes, I'm A Believer!

So they rose early in the morning and went out into the Wilderness of Tekoa; and as they went out, Jehoshaphat stood and said, “Hear me, O Judah and you inhabitants of Jerusalem: Believe in the Lord your God, and you shall be established; believe His prophets, and you shall prosper.”
2 Chronicles 20:20

I believe God. See, "I am a believing wife" is not just a cute hashtag or catchy phrase. It's a declaration of who I am, and it is what I invite wives to be. The main focus of that statement is "believing". We must be wholehearted believers in God and His word. We can't be governed by our feelings, our thoughts, or even past experiences. Our marriages - our lives - must be founded on belief in God. That is how we are established and unshakeable when situations come our way.

You must believe that God can do anything. ANYTHING.

• He can save marriages. 
• He can heal bodies. 
• He can soften hard hearts. 
• He can provide. 
• He can create opportunities. 
• He can turn situations completely around.

I know He can, but long before I saw it happen I believed that it would. Long before John accepted Christ as his savior, I believed that God would save him. Long before our marriage got where it is today, I had to believe that it would get better. I had to believe that God would do just what He said when I had no physical evidence to support it. After all, I am a believer - not just when I am in church, not just when things are going well, not just when my feelings support it. I am a believer at all times.

Believe God, Dear Wife. Believe His word. Believe His promises are for you. Believe His word is true. Be a believing wife and refuse to let anything make you doubt God...not what you see, what your husband says or does, not outside circumstances.

I am a Believing Wife, but more importantly, I am a believer in Jesus the Christ. Will you believe Him today? Will you believe that He can change the most impossible of situations? Will you trust Hmi with your heart? Will you trust Him with your marriage? 

Are you a believing wife?