Monday's Marriage Moment -- Out of Order?

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55: 8 - 10

 

The dictionary defines "out of order" as: not working properly or at all. When something is not functioning as it should we determine that it is out of order. We have all seen these signs on soda machines and other equipment. Many times these signs bring us frustration. You want to get a cold drink, but the machine is out of order. You want a milkshake from your favorite restaurant, but the mixer is out of order. You want to make copies, but the copier is out of order. There is nothing like expecting something to function and produce only to find out that it doesn't produce in the way that you wanted it to. Many times in the body of Christ we use the term out of order to describe someone who is not functioning the way we think they should. Maybe they didn't follow the proper protocols and procedures. Or maybe they did something without consulting the "proper authorities". After all, we like things to fit in nice, neat little packages. Could it be that sometimes when we are saying things (or people) are out of order it's really just user error? I have seen it happen numerous times. Someone says the copier in the office is broken, but it turns out the person didn't use it correctly. Maybe they didn't recognize that it was simply out of paper or the toner needed to be replaced. They didn't know how to fix it, so it was easier to say that it was out of order than to consult the manual and actually find out how to repair it. That would take time and effort. Might I suggest that instead of slapping "out of order" signs on things (and people) that we consult with the manufacturer. If you feel that your relationship is out of order, perhaps you need to consult the ultimate manual, your bible, to determine how to best repair it. There are tons of scriptures on friendships, family relationships, and marriage. Before you determine that the relationship is broken beyond repair, find out what God says about it. His ways and thoughts are higher than ours. He sees from a much wider perspective than we do. Maybe what seems out of order to you is a work in progress to Him. Friendships, relationships, for that matter people in general, take a lot of time and investment in order to be fruitful. Be willing to invest that time before you call it broken and walk away. There could be a simple fix.

Monday's Marriage Moment -- Adapt!

I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
-Philippians 4:12 - 13

Charles Darwin is often incorrectly credited with this quote: It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one most adaptable to change. I don't ascribe to Darwin's theories of evolution by any means, but I certainly believe there is merit to this quote (whether he actually said it or not). As someone who loves consistency and predictably, I find it challenging to write these words. Nevertheless, if we want successful marriages, or relationships in general, we must be adaptable. Your spouse today is not the same person you married years ago. Prayerfully, they have grown and changed for the better. That means that we must do likewise if we want to maintain a great relationship. John and I have been married for 17 years. In that time, we have had more children, job changes, home changes, and church changes. We have moved cities and gained and lost acquaintances. The way our marriage looks today is drastically different than it looked 17 years ago. I don't know if we would have made it without either of us adapting. God has consistently been showing me areas that need me to adapt even more. Adapt doesn't mean that I give up who I am for someone else. It means to become adjusted to new conditions. When John had a career change I had to become adjusted to new conditions. When I had a career change, John had to become adjusted to new conditions. Neither of us can say we refuse to adjust if we want the marriage to work. We can't say I am going this far, but I will not change anything else ever. No, that is not marriage. Nor is it a good reflection of Christ's relationship with us. Yes, He is the God who changes not, but He is perfect and, therefore, has no need to change. You and I, dear sister and brother, have lots of room to change. We have to be flexible and adaptable. The apostle Paul wasn't married, but in the scripture above, he offers us great advice. He said he knew how to be abased and how to abound. He knew how to be full and hungry, to have what he needed and to lack some things. What is he really saying? He knows how to adapt to the situation. In our marriages there will be great times and challenging times. There will be times when the husbands are leading beautifully and times when they need support. There will be times when the wives are effective in their roles and times when they need support. We have to adapt to all of those times knowing that we can do it as God gives us strength. Charles Darwin's premise was that if an organism doesn't adapt to changing conditions they would end up extinct -- adapt or die. Our marriages are living organisms that must respond to changing conditions. Whatever area the Lord is asking you to adapt or be flexible in I implore you to listen. The health, the very life of your marriage, may depend on it. Blessings!

Monday's Marriage Moment -- Radical Surgery

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. -- Ezekiel 36:26

Surgery is a radical process. It doesn't matter if you are having a wisdom tooth or a gall bladder removed -- both are radical processes. It requires both "prep" time and recovery time. If we are going to be all that God has called us to be we will experience some radical surgery. He will remove some things from our lives. Some of them are bad things; things that would slowly kill us if left unchecked. Cancerous things like bitterness, anger, and unforgiveness. Some things are not deadly in and of themselves, but they don't need to stay -- warts, bunions, and unsightly hair. These are things that just aren't good for you: procrastination, slothfulness, and wanting things your own way. It is my belief that God is performing some radical surgeries in our individual lives so that we can be more productive and effective in our marriages, our careers, and in our lives in our general. Perhaps you are in pre-op: this is the time when you meet with your doctors to discuss your condition. Maybe God has been talking to you about what He is getting ready to remove. Maybe He has been discussing your "condition" with you, and telling you the dangers if surgery does not take place. Maybe He has been telling you to fast before surgery like most doctors do. You have to have an empty stomach before surgery so that you don't vomit during surgery which could be lethal. Maybe you are in the operating room and the anesthesia is being given. Anesthesia is used so that you won't feel the pain of the cutting and removal. Has he numbed you in some way to your environment or surroundings? Has what used to irritate and bother stopped frustrating you? Have you stopped fretting over stuff that used to send you into a tirade for days? It could be a local anesthetic that just affects a centralized area or a general anesthetic that affects your entire life. What area is He about to perform surgery on? Maybe the surgery has already taken place and you are in recovery. We often think that when the surgery is over we are 100%. Not so! Immediately after surgery you are wheeled into a recovery room. Sometimes patients feel groggy after surgery. They may be unaware of what happened. Others may still feel some tenderness in certain areas, but the issue still has been removed. Sometimes patients need days or weeks of rest to be able to return to normal duties. Whether you are in pre-op, surgery, or post-op, I encourage you to follow the directions of your Primary Doctor -- Jesus. He alone knows the specifics of your needs. Determine where you are in the process and follow His orders to the letter. He is giving you newness. He is replacing all that is old, hardened, and useless. Be careful not to reject what He has given you!