Monday's Marriage Moment - Can You See Clearly?

Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense. 
-Proverbs 19:11

No one can offend you like your spouse can. After all, they are the one that is closest to you.They see you at your best and at your worst. So, even though they are the person you love the most, they are also the one that is capable of causing the most harm. I know that they don't often mean to offend. Sometimes they are just telling the truth or maybe they make a callous statement that hits too close to home. Either way, an offense can be caused.

Your role is not to let the offense take root in your heart. See, offense can fester and grow. It can cause things to be blown out of proportion. Offense can blind you. It can cause you to only see what happened to hurt you and not all the good things that the other person did. Offense causes you to see what the person did to you, but it blinds you to what you may have done to the other person. Offense causes you to only see things through a lens of hurt and pain rather than objectively and clearly. Matthew 7:3-5 tells us to focus on our own shortcomings and then we can see clearly to help others. Make sure that you can see clearly.

Great people have ended good marriages over a bad moment. They focused more on the offense than the good times, God's great plan, and their future. So, we must deal with offense quickly. It comes to destroy. It separates. It poisons. It kills.

Overlook the offense if you can. Refuse to be offended. It is challenging, but you can do it. If your spouse has offended you I encourage you to clear the air. Spend some time with God to heal your heart. Be honest about your feelings with Him, and ask Him to keep you from bitterness, anger, and unforgiveness. Talk to your spouse about it, and do what you need to do to have a clear conscience. Act quickly. Reconcile. Move forward in power and unity.

Monday's Marriage Moment - I Almost Messed Up!

The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace.

Exodus 14:14

Sisters! I almost messed up! Whew! I mean...I really almost messed up. I was hurt. I was offended. I was angry, and I almost responded in that anger. I almost gave someone "a piece of my mind". I almost forgot who I was.

Yeah, I almost messed up! Almost - very nearly, all but, just short of - but I didn't. I am so glad that I can use the word "almost" today because there have been times in the past when I couldn't. There were times when I went all the way and rendered eveil for evil; that I met people right where they were. I wouldn't cuss or disrespect them, but I would come down to their level and give them what I felt was a necessary response.

Today, however, I realize that it is not necessary to respond. It is not necessary to make a list of points to prove how right I am. It is not necessary to defend. What is necessary is peace, and I will lose a lot more of that if I respond.

So, I am taking comfort in silence today. I would be lying if I told you that I don't want to respond because I really do...but I won't. I love God more than I love getting my way. I love His approval of me more than I do getting it off my chest. I love peace with Him more than giving someone a piece of my mind.

I remember who I am. I belong to God, and He has promised to vindicate me. I choose to let Him fight my battles. I encourage you today to do the same. No more arguing. No more making your case or trying to convince people that you are justified. No more meeting them where they are. No more.

God has you covered. He has promised to perfect all that concerns you. He will vindicate you. Remember who you are. Remember whose you are. Take your seat of authority and refuse to move. It's ok if you almost messed up...just don't go all the way!

Monday's Marriage Moment - He's Calling You Back

“Now, therefore,” says the Lord,
“Turn to Me with all your heart,
With fasting, with weeping, and with mourning.”
So rend your heart, and not your garments;
Return to the Lord your God,
For He is gracious and merciful,
Slow to anger, and of great kindness;
And He relents from doing harm.
-Joel 2:12-13

I saw a meme yesterday that said, "if I say I'm calling you back just go ahead and enjoy the rest of your day". It made me laugh because sometimes I am guilty of that. I have good intentions to call you back, but I can get busy with other things and forget. Unlike me, God does not forget, and I believe that He is calling you back even now. Obviously, He is not making a phone call to you, but I believe that He is calling you back to a place in Him that you may have wandered from. He is calling you back to your position of prayer and peace. He is calling you back to spend time with Him away from all the noise and distractions.

As a wife, I know the pressures and responsibilities that we face. I know how easy it is to become focused on so many things that you aren't really focused on anything. I know what it is to get busy doing things and forget why you are doing them. So, I am sharing with you the message that God shared with me: I'm calling you back - back to His presence, back to His way of doing things, back to caring more about what He thinks and less about what others think. He is calling you back to His plan for your life and marriage.

Listen, God - the Creator of the universe - wants you. He sent Jesus to the cross in order to redeem you back to Himself. Yes, He wants your marriage to be successful. Yes, He wants your ministry to be successful. He wants your career, business, and life to be successful, but more than any of that He simply wants you. And if you really want to be successful, you should want Him more than anything else.

So, He is calling you back. Will you answer?

Monday's Marriage Moment - So Many Responsibilities!

No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he’ll never let you be pushed past your limit; he’ll always be there to help you come through it.
-1 Corinthians 10:13 (MSG)

I love being a wife, but it is not all that I am. I am a mother. I am a daughter and a sister. I am a minister and an author. I am a friend. I am an educator and a mentor. I am all of that and then some. I don't say that to boast. Chances are you have similar roles in your life, and you could probably add a few that I left out. I am pointing this out today because if I am not careful I can get out of balance.

I had a startling reality with one of my children this weekend that reminded me of my need to order all of my responsibilities. As much as I love teaching, ministering, and writing, I fully believe that my family comes first. However, sometimes my actions don't reflect this belief. That was hard to type!
It's not that I intentionally put other things first. It's actually very subtle, but if I am not focused other things can creep there way to to the top of my list. I can get caught up in ministering to wives, writing, or teaching and neglect the very people I hold so dear. I am guessing that perhaps you can too. Sometimes I think that they can handle things themselves or they will be fine, and I take care of things that I think need my attention, but the truth is that my family needs my attention. Maybe you get caught up serving in ministry or helping your friends. Maybe, for you, it's working on your business, launching a ministy, or working at your place of employment. Whatever it might be, I encourage you to take a harsh look at what is really important.

I never want to get so caught up in the public ministry that God has assigned me that I don't steward well the ministry He has given me at home. It's a delicate balance. Actually, it's a very clear order:

1. God - Let's be clear. God is first. Not church. Not ministry. Not the things that go along with serving God, but God Himself is first. If we don't settle this we will overextend ourselves doing godly things without God's approval.
2. Family - Our first ministry is our family. After God created Adam He created a wife and family for him. This should show us the significance of family in God's eyes. 
3. Everything else - Yep...everything else comes after God and family. 

As I was presenting my requests to God, asking Him how to keep my life in right order with so many responsibilities, He gave me a very clear answer: trust Me. He reminded me that I was never designed to do it alone. Yes, I have an amazing husband that helps me more than I deserve, but I have almighty God walking this journey right beside me. Many times I don't rely on His strength until I have tried it all on my own, but I am declaring an end to that today. I'm asking Him for strategies and steps to handle all that He has put into my care, and I believe that He is going to show me exactly what to do. He already gave me the first step - trust Him. I encourage you to do the same. 

Monday's Marriage Moment - You're Married to God

For your Maker is your husband,
The Lord of hosts is His name;
And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel;
He is called the God of the whole earth.
-Isaiah 54:5

A few months ago, I hosted my first ever Believing Wives Retreat. This time away was for wives only. My 10-year old daughter wanted badly to come away with us, but I kept telling her it was for wives only. In her frustration one day, she exclaimed, "I don't see why I can't come. I am married to God". At the time, her response caused me to laugh, but for some reason this morning God brought her exclamation back to my mind. I was praying about being a better wife, and He said this to me, "If you want to be a better wife to John, you need to be a better wife to Me". Ouch! Those words hit me like a ton of bricks.

God reminded me that before I am John's wife I am His. The day I walked to the altar and received Him as my personal savior was our wedding day. I am in covenant with God, and therefore, His wife. As God's wife, I need to do more than be faithful (just like I need to do more than just be faithful to John). If I want my union with God to be powerful and lasting, I need to prioritize Him.

• I need to make sure that we are communicating effectively. Seeing as how communication is one of the major "marriage killers", I need to make sure that my communication with God is open and honest. Do I talk to him often? Do I listen when He talks? Do I unload all of my stuff on Him without stopping to hear what is on His mind? Do I seek His approval and opinion before I seek any other opinion?
• I need to make sure that we spend time together. Do I talk to Him before I start my day? when I end my day? throughout the day? Do I spend regular quality time with Him. Do I show Him how much I value that time?
• I need to make sure that we are intimate. No marriage will remain whole if intimacy is not present. I need to be intimate with God by being open and honest with Him. I can pour out my heart to Him. I can trust Him with everything. There can be no hiding and no secrets in our relationship.

There is a direct correlation between our marriage to God and our marriage to our spouse. If we want to be better wives to our husbands, we need to be better wives to God.

Monday's Marriage Moment - What Are You Praying For?

Then Joshua spoke to the Lord in the day when the Lord delivered up the Amorites before the children of Israel, and he said in the sight of Israel:
“Sun, stand still over Gibeon;
And Moon, in the Valley of Aijalon.”
So the sun stood still,
And the moon stopped,
Till the people had revenge
Upon their enemies.
-Joshua 10:12-13

Joshua prayed and the sun stood still. Wow! The sun - the one that rises and sets - stood still in the sky. I read that verse of scripture, and it challenged and convicted me. Am I praying on this level? Am I praying for the miraculous to happen in my life (and actually believing that it will happen)? Or am I praying run of the mill, "Lord bless them", prayers?

As I reflect, men and women in the bible prayed bold, faith-filled prayers. Joshua prayed that the sun stand still. Elijah prayed that it would not rain. Hannah prayed for a son. Do you know what happened in every case? The sun stood still. It didn't rain for three years. Hannah conceived a son. Their request was granted. Their prayers were answered. So, what are we praying for?

When we pray for our marriages are we praying minimal and basic prayers or bold, audacious, out of our reach prayers? Are we praying for something that we can make happen or something only God can make happen?

When we pray for our husbands are we praying generic prayers or are we praying "sun stand still prayers"?

If we aren't praying boldly, why not? Do we believe that we can pray boldly? Do we believe that God can answer? that He will answer? Why aren't we praying like Elijah, Joshua, and so many others that are examples in our bibles? We have the power of the Holy Spirit residing in us! We have the supernatural ability to pray for the miraculous and see it happen.

I challenge you this week to pray boldy! Pray for things that only God can do! Pray "sun stand still" prayers and watch God work!

Monday's Marriage Moment - You've Got The Power!

Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives
1 Peter 3:1

You aren't just a wife. You aren't just a mother. You aren't JUST anything! So many times we use the word "just" to describe who we are and what we do, but the word "just" means "barely or by a narrow margin" according to the dictionary. You aren't barely or narrowly anything! You are a daughter of the King! Stop minimizing who you are! Perhaps, we minimize ourselves - our gifts and abilities - to make others feel better. Maybe we do it because we have some insecurities about them. Maybe we do it because we have been taught to, but today I would like to remind you, Believing Wife,  who you are, and I want you to own every bit of it!

Godly wives - Believing Wives - are powerful! In the bible, it was a wife named Deborah that ruled and governed based on God's word. It was a wife named Sarah, that embodied faithfulness and stood with Abraham even when he was tripping. It was a wife named Mary that stood on the truth of God's word and became pregnant with Christ, even when her husband wanted to put her away and society would have desired to stone her. It was a wife named Abigail that interceded for her husband (clearly a fool) when his actions could have cost them all their lives. It was a wife, we know her as the Shunnamite Woman, who made a room for the prophet of God to stay and thus brought blessing to her home and husband because of it!

This is the power that we have been given by God as wives! This is the role to which we have been called. Do you not know, dear wife, that you can win your husband without saying a word (1 Peter 3:1)? Do you not know that you have the power of influence that can be used for either good or evil (remember Eve influenced Adam to eat the apple and Delilah influence Samson to reveal the source of his strength)? Do you not know that you can set atmospheres and shift climates? Do you know that you can pray and things change? Do you know that you have power?

Do you know who you are? If not, today is a good day to get acquainted with the wife God has called you to be! He has called you to be powerful, skillful, and sharp! He has called you to discern and detect what is happening both in and to your spouse and to war on his behalf! You don't even have to open your mouth! Your actions and conduct can call things to order! Take your rightful place, Believing Wife! You have power. Use it well!