Monday's Marriage Moment -- Buried Treasure

“Thus says the Lord to His anointed, to Cyrus, whose right hand I have held—to subdue nations before him and loose the armor of kings, to open before him the double doors, so that the gates will not be shut: ‘I will go before you and make the crooked places straight; I will break in pieces the gates of bronze and cut the bars of iron. I will give you the treasures of darkness and hidden riches of secret places, that you may know that I, the Lord, Who call you by your name, Am the God of Israel.
Isaiah 45:1 - 3

I have had my share of dark times. I am sure that you have too. It is hard to see beauty and purpose in those times when your biggest questions are "how" and "why". I have felt like those seasons have lasted too long and been too intense, but I can tell you that God knows how to work all of those things together for good.  You must remain hopeful that God is on your side.

I am noticing that lots of people are losing hope. They are giving up on dreams, plans, and their marriage. They feel as if there is no hope of change so there is no need to try. That, my friends, is a lie. There is always hope. God is always at work, and He shines light on even the darkest of situations. Notice in Isaiah 45:3 that God doesn't say that He is going to light up the darkness (that would certainly be my preference). He says He will give you treasures of darkness. What kind of treasures are there in darkness? I am glad you asked. Let me tell you the treasures that He showed me during the dark times in my marriage:

• strength
• wisdom
• peace
• His perfect love
• patience
• forgiveness
• His presence
• Hosts of people who love and support me

These are just a few of the treasures born from times of adversity. Today, I have the treasure of a husband who ministers with me -- who allows me to be who God called me to be. I have the treasure of a clearer vision of who I am. 

There are treasures in those dark times, but you have to look for them. God is giving you hidden riches of secret places. You may have to dig a little bit, but I assure you that they are there!

Monday's Marriage Moment -- A Heart Like His!

Then I will give them one heart, and I will put a new spirit within them, and take the stony heart out of their flesh, and give them a heart of flesh
-Ezekiel 11:13

I count it a privilege and an honor to share with you each week. I get amazing reports of how the words I share and my life experiences bless people.  I will say, however, that I wish I would not have had to go through some of them. Nonetheless, I am grateful that God hasn't wasted one tear or one disappointment. All things have truly worked together for my good.

This weekend, God allowed me to experience some heartache. Thankfully, it wasn't between me and my husband, but I think it applies so I will share it. Saturday morning, I attended a powerful class at my church. I mean the presence of God was tangible and overwhelming. I remember praying during this time, "God give me your heart. Give me a heart like yours -- a heart that loves, a heart that forgives". I said that over and over for a while. Honestly, it stuck out to me afterward, not because I don't desire God's heart but the intensity and urgency of that prayer was great. Later that afternoon, I found out that I had been betrayed by someone. Ouch! Now, I don't know if you have experienced betrayal before, but it is the kind of pain that really hits you in the chest. It knocks the breath out of you. If you are not careful, it can send you into a whirlwind of emotion. It is especially potent if it is from someone close to you like a spouse, family member, or dear friend.

I contemplated all types of actions: confrontation, withdrawal, a full on fit, but do you know what I did? I prayed the same prayer that I had prayed earlier that morning: God give me your heart. I prayed it over and over again. I prayed it until I felt the anger subside. I prayed it until I knew that I wouldn't act crazy when I saw the person again.

How does this apply to marriage? I'm glad you asked. People often get hurt and betrayed in marriage. I have before. Many of the ladies God allows me to share with have. Many of you may have. That pain is real. The confusion and desire to close yourself off that come with that hurt is real, but you have an alternative. You can ask God to heal your heart. You can ask Him to give you a heart like His. This is bigger than wanting a marriage or relationship to work. This is about wanting to represent God well. You have to ask Him to remove anger, bitterness, revenge, and rejection from your heart. You have to read scriptures that address these topics. You have to talk with trusted people who will tell you what you need (not just what you want) to hear. This is a process that sometimes takes a little time, but if you are committed God will heal you. You will be able to love those who have hurt you and pray for them with sincerity. You will be able to speak to them as if nothing happened. You will no longer want revenge for their actions. You will have the mind of Christ at work in you.

Perhaps there is something in your hear toward you spouse today. Maybe you are holding on to something that hurt you even though you decided to stay together and love each other. Will you pray today that God will give you His heart? Will you ask Him to remove any negativity so that you can move forward in a way that pleases Him? He is waiting to heal every area of your life!

Monday's Marriage Moment -- It's Your Choice

Multitudes, multitudes in the valley of decision! For the day of the Lord is near in the valley of decision.
-Joel 3:14

In the ministry God has given me with wives, I spend a lot of time talking about choices. Often ladies want to spend a great deal of time talking about what has happened in their marriages or how a choice their spouse made impacted them. These things are definitely valuable. However, God only holds us accountable for our choices. Regardless of what your spouse did or did not do God is expecting you to respond well. Responding well has nothing to do with agreeing. Quite the contrary, you can disagree and respond well. Responding well means responding in such a way that God is pleased with you. Were you forgiving? That is responding well. Were you loving? That is responding well. Were you patient? That is responding well.

Some of us are waiting on our husbands or wives to "do right" before we "do right". We want things to be fair or equal. We wonder why we have to be patient and loving even when they may not be. Listen, this is hard to understand and apply, but it is true: you must choose to do what is right because you love God and want Him to be pleased with you. This is your choice. You must make the choice to love and obey God whether your spouse chooses to do the same or not. Can you make that choice?

This is the valley of decision. It is a place where you make a hard choice. Will you move forward with God or will you stay in the valley? Will you play be disobedient to God because things don't seem fair or will you trust and obey? Will you be the believing spouse God told you to be or will you be a hindrance to your spouse's salvation?

Today is a good day to choose wisely. Trust God beyond what you see and feel. The Lord is near to you as you make your choice!

Monday's Marriage Moment -- Drive Out Your Enemies!

“Speak to the children of Israel, and say to them: ‘When you have crossed the Jordan into the land of Canaan, then you shall drive out all the inhabitants of the land from before you, destroy all their engraved stones, destroy all their molded images, and demolish all their high places; you shall dispossess the inhabitants of the land and dwell in it, for I have given you the land to possess. 
Numbers 33:51-53

If you have been a Christian for a while, you have heard about God leading the children of Israel to the Promised Land -- Canaan. The children of Israel had been in bondage and slavery for hundreds of years. They had been oppressed and dehumanized, and God saw them. Not only did He see them, He used Moses to deliver them. For forty years, they were on their way to the Promised Land. In Numbers 33, we find that they are on the edge of crossing over. It is here that God has some interesting instructions for them. He tells them that they are about to possess the land He has promised, but they have to drive out those who are there. Wait a minute...what? If it is mine, there shouldn't be occupants, right? Not only are there people who live there, they don't recognize that the land no longer belongs to them. The children of Israel have to do the work of driving out the people, destroying their images of worship, and taking over the territory. It seems like God could have done all of that before they arrived. Actually, I know He could have, but He didn't.

For some of us, getting married is our Canaan. It is what we prayed, hoped, and waited for. When God allows us to exchange our vows and become man and wife, we think we have entered our Promised Land. Maybe we have. However, life does not end when you enter the Promised Land. There is still a role that you have to play. Just like the children of Israel had to drive out enemies and tear down idols, you will also. When two imperfect people join to become one there are certain to be some heart issues that can become enemies of your union. Therefore, you have to drive out anything that would come against your marriage. Actually, you have to drive out and destroy them. What enemies try to possess your land? I'm glad you asked: unforgiveness, bitterness, disrespect, taking each other for granted, carelessness, busyness, anger, strife, lack of communication to name a few. We must be just as vigilant about driving out the things in our Promised Land as the children of Israel needed to be.

Listen to the warning God gave them in the next few verses: But if you do not drive out the inhabitants of the land from before you, then it shall be that those whom you let remain shall be irritants in your eyes and thorns in your sides, and they shall harass you in the land where you dwell. If you don't drive out these things as you enter, they will continually be an issue for you. I can tell you personally this is true. There are some enemies that John and I faced that should have been eradicated very early on in our marriage. There were some enemies we just didn't deal with. There were some we just addressed casually. There were some that we let go far too long, and there were some that we annihilated. What about you? Are there still some enemies in your marriage that need to be dispossessed? The good news is that it is not too late. You can kick out anger and bitterness today! You can forgive and move forward! You can spend time with each other and stop taking each other for granted. You can fully possess your promised land.

Make today your day to drive out your enemies!

Monday's Marriage Moment -- Don't Forget to Remember!

Remember the former things of old, for I am God, and there is none like Me, declaring the end from the beginning, and from ancient times things that are not yet done, saying, "My counsel shall stand, and I will do all My pleasure".
-Isaiah 46:9

Happy Memorial Day! Today is the day that we honor the sacrifice of those who died in the line of duty. We celebrate those who believed in their cause enough to lay down their lives to defend it. Today we remember.

We hear so many messages this day and time on moving on and letting go that we forget the power of remembering. Yet, there are many times in the bible that God told His people to remember. In Deuteronomy 8, He commands the children of Israel to remember that it was God who delivered them from Egypt and into the Canaan. In Exodus 20, we are commanded to remember the Sabbath day and to keep it holy. In 1 Corinthians 11, we are told that as often as we partake in communion we are remember Jesus and His sacrifice.

Remember, according to dictionary.com, means "to recall to the mind by an act or effort of memory; to think of again". It may take effort to remember some things, but it is well worth it. What does any of this have to do with marriage? I am glad that you asked. Today, can you recall to your mind the sacrifices that your spouse made for you and your marriage. While you are celebrating those who sacrificed their very lives, today celebrate the one God gave you that is still here. Have they sacrificed their time for you? Have they sacrificed their own preferences and desires for your marriage? Have they sacrificed themselves in some way for you? If so, celebrate them. Intentionally bring those things to your mind. It is easy to think of times when they didn't but don't make that your focus this week. Focus on the things they have done to be the spouse that God called them to be.

Personally, I can reflect on how John sacrificed so that I could go back to school and get my master's degree. Many times he had to be both mother and father. There were times when he could have gone home and relaxed after catering events that he chose to come support me with Believing Wives. He has done so many things even though he didn't necessarily want to in order to push me into being who God called me to be.

As you think of the sacrifice of the fallen, and the ultimate sacrifice of our Lord and Savior, think of the many times that your spouse has laid down their time, energy, and desires for you. Celebrate them today!

Monday's Marriage Moment -- Lessons from My Lost Phone

“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
-Matthew 19:20

So, I lost my phone yesterday. Yeah, you can imagine the frustration that I felt. There are pictures, notes, and all sorts of important information in that phone. Then there is the cost of the phone itself and the complexities of getting another one. I lost my phone, but I learned some lessons. Here are a few that I think are worth sharing:

I use my phone too much
Though I don't spend hours each day on my phone, I realize that I spend too much time on it. I know this because I got quite a bit done yesterday afternoon without it. I accomplished things that I had put off for several days. I realized that I have more time than I think I do. I just don't appropriate that time as wisely as I should. That hurt me to admit, but it is true. Then came the icing on the cake: John said, "You will find some other device to get on. You can't just be here without it". Ouch! That means he sees me with my phone in my hand too much. So, I needed this time without it. Perhaps, you do too. Are you spending quality with your spouse or do they see you spending more time with your device than with them? Has anything become more of a focus for you than they are? Honestly evaluate yourself and make whatever change is necessary.

Have it before you need it
Boy, was I thankful that I had insurance on my phone. It seems like such an unnecessary expense until you need it, but when you need it you will be so glad that you have it. You can't purchase fire insurance after a house fire. You can't prepare for a financial emergency after you have one. Much the same, you can't wait until there is a major issue in your marriage to get prepared. So often, we think fighting is for when something major happens, but many times it is too late then. I encourage you to insure your marriage with kind words, actions, and deeds. Insure your marriage with great communication and intimacy. Insure your marriage by covering it in prayer and seeking God's will above your own. Do it before you find yourself in dire need of it. It would have been very costly for me if I would not have had the insurance. If we don't prepare now, it could be very costly for our marriages later.

Don't sweat the small stuff
It didn't feel small, but it was small. After all, it was just a phone. It is easy in the moment to make something this small seem gigantic, but we have to resist the temptation. While I was looking for my phone I could feel frustration and anger rise in me. I knew that there was no one to blame and no need to get bent out of shape, but I felt the anxiety anyway.  I had to constantly remind myself that it was just a phone. There are issues in our marriages that can seem so big in the moment, but we need to remind ourselves to keep things in perspective. Did your husband leave his clothes next to the hamper instead of putting them in the hamper? They are just clothes. Did your wife forget to close a cabinet door? It was just a door. Don't make a mountain out of a mole hill. The enemy would love for you to lose fellowship over something so small. Determine what is worth a discussion and what is not. My phone could be replaced. Relationships are not so easy to replace. Choose wisely!

Monday's Marriage Moment -- How Dare You!

 So when they had eaten breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of Jonah, do you love Me more than these?” He said to Him, “Yes, Lord; You know that I love You.” He said to him, “Feed My lambs.” He said to him again a second time, “Simon, son of Jonah, do you love Me?” He said to Him, “Yes, Lord; You know that I love You.” He said to him, “Tend My sheep.” He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of Jonah, do you love Me?” Peter was grieved because He said to him the third time, “Do you love Me?” And he said to Him, “Lord, You know all things; You know that I love You.” Jesus said to him, “Feed My sheep.

John 21:15-17

God is in the restoration business. He knows that we are fallen humans, and that we are prone to messing up. He sees it, and He loves us anyway. Take Peter, for example. Jesus told Peter that he was going to deny Him. He knew that Peter was going to mess up, but He loved him anyway. He loved him and restored him to his rightful position. In our text for today, we see that Jesus still wanted Peter to "feed His sheep". He still had work for him to do. He didn't allow his failure to disqualify Him from a greater purpose. We read that, but I wonder if we believe the same restoration He has for Peter is available to us. 

See, that is the problem. We believe that God can restore Peter, who denied him -- multiple times -- but we don't believe He can restore us from our shortcomings. We believe that He gave Abraham and Sarah their promise even in their old age, but we think that it is too late for us to receive ours. We believe that Jesus cast out demons and destroyed yokes of bondage, yet we think we will suffer with ours forever. How dare we! How dare we believe that God created the world from nothing and then doubt that He can change our world! How dare we believe that God created man in His image and likeness but doubt that He can ever change us! How dare we believe that He raised Lazarus from the dead but doubt that He can breathe life into our marriages, finances, and ministries! How dare we! This is a time in which we can no longer read the bible as if it a story. We must read it as truth that is applicable to our lives. God really did the things that are written. He really healed, restored, and set free! He allowed them to be written so that we would have an example on which to base our faith. 

"How dare you" is a phrase that implies shock, belief, or indignation. I believe that is how God feels about our lack of belief today. He wants us to trust Him completely, and it is insulting to Him when we don't. Either we believe the word of God is true, or it isn't. Put your faith into action this week and believe that God is going to do exactly what He promised. Make it personal. Believe Him for something specific in your life. Find a scripture that supports it and refuse to be shaken. We will no longer operate in fear and doubt, but we will stand boldly, firmly, and confidently in our beliefs!