Monday's Marriage Moment -- This is Our Year of Agreement!

You will also declare a thing,

And it will be established for you;

So light will shine on your ways.

-Job 22:28

I am beginning this year's blog post with decrees and declarations. The bible tells us in the scripture above that we can decree things and see them established on the earth. I want to see God's will and purpose established in the life of every individual and every couple I encounter so I am standing on this promise for all of us today! 

So, I decree that this is our year of agreement! I know that may not sound exciting to you, but it has me in eager anticipation! Agreement means alignment, unity, and harmony -- it's the state when people or groups are on one accord. It seems obvious that our marriages should be harmonious and filled with agreement, but that is not always the case. I believe we lack agreement with our spouses because we are not in total agreement with God. But this is the year that all of that changes.

I decree that this is the year that you will agree with God completely! This is the year that you will agree with what He says about you! This is the year that you will agree with what He says about your marriage. This is the year that you will fully accept your role as wife or as husband, and this is the year that you will live out the biblical expectations of that role! This is the year that you will agree with your spouse in prayer! This is the year that you will agree with your spouse in purpose. As a matter of fact, you will accept your role to push your spouse into purpose. If they have a business or ministry, you will sow your time, energy, and resources into making it prosperous and blessed. Realize that as they are blessed you are blessed and stand in agreement with that! This is the year that you walk as one as God ordained! This is the year that you realize that your covenant has power and purpose!

This is the year that you agree with God's plan for your life! Even though this agreement with God may sometimes cause distance from people, I decree that you will agree with God anyway! May God grant you the strength and tenacity to remain faithful to what He says no matter what! This is the year that your agreement with God is going to take you further faster but because you agree with Him you will be prepared! 

I decree that no matter how unreachable the goals seem, scary the step feels, or out of your comfort zone the call looks, this is the year that you agree with God about it and move forward boldly. This is the year! 

Will you agree with me? 

Monday's Marriage Moment -- It's Not Under the Tree

“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal.  For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
-Matthew 6:19 - 21

I am sure that Christ was not born on December 25, but I also am sure that it doesn't matter what day He was born on. What really matters is that He was born. Jesus truly is the reason for the season. This is a time for us to acknowledge the gift He is to us. It is a time of love and celebration.

Though this is a time of love and celebration, I recognize that there are some that are experiencing grief, hurt, and pain. I have loved ones that are experiencing pain that there are no words for, and my heart is truly with them -- not just my heart, but my words, my presence, and my care is right there for them and with them. That's what family is about.

See, this is what I think God envisioned as I celebrate Christmas. I think He saw families drawn together by bonds of love. I believe He saw people who cover each other, love each other, and look past each other's faults. I believe this was His idea of marriage and, ultimately, family. He wanted people joined together as one who would produce others like them in an unending lineage of love.

I believe He saw that there would be both joys and pains, and He knew that we needed others to help us through those difficult times and celebrate the great ones with us. He wanted interdependence and community, and as I get older so do I.

So, my treasure was not under a tree this year. My treasure is in the comfort of a savior who loves me enough to desire relationship with me and who blesses me with so many good things:

• the amazing family that He has given me natural and acquired -- people who call just to say hi, rub your shoulders and try to make you laugh when you are hurt, and those who you enjoy so much you hate to leave them; 
• the car ride with John where we talk about our future, hold hands, and remember where God has brought us from;talks with the Cheek babies, laughing at them while they laugh at me, and being their listening ear and advocate. 
• an amazing opportunity to minister His goodness to others who challenge and grow me as much as I challenge and grow them

My treasure is not material. It can not rust or decay, but it is certainly priceless. Take the time today to squeeze your loved ones a little tighter and hug them a little longer. God has given you amazing gifts in your spouse, your children, and your family. Celebrate them!

Monday's Marriage Moment -- Have You Lingered Too Long?

When the morning dawned, the angels urged Lot to hurry, saying, “Arise, take your wife and your two daughters who are here, lest you be consumed in the punishment of the city.” And while he lingered, the men took hold of his hand, his wife’s hand, and the hands of his two daughters, the Lord being merciful to him, and they brought him out and set him outside the city.
-Genesis 19:15-16

I have heard and read the account of Lot and the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah more times than I can name. Many times the speaker highlights Lot's wife - how she looked back and was turned into a pillar of salt. That is a huge part of the account, but I was reading this passage over the weekend and something new jumped out at me. Look at verse 16: And while he lingered, the men took hold of his hand, his wife’s hand, and the hands of his two daughters, the Lord being merciful to him, and they brought him out and set him outside the city.

The very first part of that passage leaped off the page: and while he lingered. Lot lingered. He did not want to leave. Linger is defined as "to remain or stay on in a place longer than is usual or expected, as if from reluctance to leave" (dictionary.com). Lot did not want to leave. This place was filled with perversion and wickedness, but Lot did not want to leave it. The angel has told him that God is about to destroy the city, but Lot still lingers. He lingers to the point that the angel has to grab him by the hand and pull him and his family out. He is literally drug out of the city he knows is about to be destroyed.

Could it be, dear friend, that you have lingered to long in a place that God is trying to snatch you out of? It could be a physical place like a job or a church, but I want to speak more specifically to mental and spiritual places. Could it be that you have been stuck in a destructive mindset that God is trying to deliver you from? Are you stuck in past hurts and rejections? Are you lingering in offense? Sometimes things happen in our marriages that cause us to linger. You can recognize it with phrases such as "remember when" or "the last time this happened". Sometimes things happen that we can't seem to move from without divine assistance -- abuse, betrayal, lost opportunities, grief. These are the things that cause our guard to come up or cause us to build walls to defend ourselves. We think we are saving ourselves, but we are really trapping ourselves.

Lot lingered, but God was so merciful that He still saved him. I think God wants to do the same for us. Perhaps you can view this blog today as God's lovingkindness highlighting an area that you have lingered in for too long. Something may have happened to you this year that caused you to get stuck. It may have hurt so bad that it paralyzed you. Maybe now you look at everything through the lens of that hurt. Today is a good day to realize that you have stayed in that place too long. God is sending me today to tell you to get out of that place, that mindset, before it destroys you, your relationships, or your family. That's what happened to Lot's family. Lot lingered, but his wife was stuck. She was turned into a pillar of salt, and it caused her family to have to move on without her. This led to incest between the father and daughters, and many other destructive habits down the family line. All of this could have been avoided if Lot and his wife would have moved on from Sodom and Gomorrah in unity...if they would have left that place willingly...if they would not have lingered too long.

I pray as this year closes that God will show you where you have lingered too long, and may He give you the strength you need to move forward. May He send diving help to snatch you out of what has been set up to destroy you. Don't linger! What God has for you is always going to be better than what you left.

Monday's Marriage Moment - Plot Twist!

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord.
-Isaiah 55:8

John and I like to watch action and suspense movies together. Just when you think you know what is going to happen in these movies a new element is introduced or someone does something unexpected. It is at this point that John yells out, "plot twist!" He has even carried that phrase into every day life. If we encounter an unexpected surprise or blessing or if someone does something unexpected he yells out, "plot twist!" It has become a source of comedy for us. As I reflect on this year, this is the phrase that comes to mind. God has orchestrated some real plot twists in my life this year. Some of them have been great, and some of them have challenged me and stretched me.

God, as a master author -- the perfect creator, knows how to work out the plot twists in our lives. He knows exactly what we need to be who He has called us to be. He gives us a vision for our lives, but He doesn't show us every detail. He gives us the big rocks, and then He expects us to walk closely to Him as the plan unfolds. When we encounter the unexpected it is a "plot twist" for us, but He saw it the whole time. There are several instances in the bible where God mastered plot twists:

• Lazarus was dead. Actually, he was dead for 3 days, but then PLOT TWIST -- Jesus resurrects him!
• The widow woman was prepared for both her son and herself to die, but PLOT TWIST -- God uses Elisha and she has more than enough
• The Shunnamite woman's son was dead in an upper chamber, but PLOT TWIST -- God uses Elijah to bring him back to life
• Saul tried to kill David multiple times. He had him backed into corners over and over, but PLOT TWIST David survives and becomes the king
• Jesus Himself was crucified on the cross. They buried Him in a borrowed tomb, but PLOT TWIST -- He was raised with all power!

I bet you can list some instances in which God manufactured a plot twist in your life. Some of you are married because of a plot twist! Some of you have the jobs you have because of a plot twist! Some of you are ministering the gospel because of a plot twist!

It may have looked bleak before the story took a turn, but God worked out the plot twist so well that it overshadowed what happened before. He will do the same for your story!

Yeah, God is the master of plot twists! So, whatever situation you may face in your life and marriage today know that God has a plot twist in store for you.

• If you and your spouse are not on the same page, expect a PLOT TWIST!
• If your finances are not in the best shape...expect a PLOT TWIST!
• If your friendships or relationships are in shambles...expect a PLOT TWIST!

Seek God today! Serve Him and expect Him to introduce a plot twist to your story! 

Monday's Marriage Moment -- The Trees Are Showing Us How Beautiful Change Can Be!

I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit. 
John 15:1-2

Just because something has always been this way doesn't mean it always has to be this way. I know we have regimens, traditions, and habits, but change is good. Just look at the trees. Each year, they show us how beautiful it is to change seasons. Each year, they realize there are times they must let things go in order to grow stronger and flourish.

I walked into work this morning through a field of leaves. They were brown and brittle, and they covered the ground. I began to wonder why leaves must fall. Why can't trees just stay green all year long? I literally came into my office and began to research. I found out something quite interesting. Leaves don't fall off. The trees push them off. Yep, I thought the wind caused them to simply fall. That's why we have named the season "fall", right? 

When the days get shorter, and the temperature drops trees cut their own leaves off -- literally. They produce cells called "abscission" cells. The root for abscission literally means to cut off. These cells create a boundary that cause the trees to slowly push the leaves away from the stem. You see this happening when the leaves change color. It's beautiful to see, but what we are watching is the process of cutting. The tree begins to prune itself. Why? Because if it kept the leaves, it would die. The leaves hold water, and that water would freeze during the winter. This would cause not just the leaves to die, but the entire tree.

So, Dear Wife/Dear Husband, it is time for you to prune your own life. Don't wait for the winds of adversity to force things off of you. Decide now that you have it in you to cut things back. You have it in you to trim away. Are you misusing your time? Prune it! Are you carelessly using your words? Prune them? Are your friendships crossing barriers? Cut them back! It is in your power to take your relationship to the next level, but there may be areas that you have to cut off.

In the spring we see the benefits of this process - beautiful foliage, breathtaking blossoms, and fragrant bouquets, but there must be a cutting away first. My prayer is that you will develop spiritual "abscission cells" and the strength needed to push off anything God shows you needs to go!

Monday's Marriage Moment -- Leave It Right Here!

I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back.
Philippians 3:12-14 (MSG)

My 2017 has been a whirlwind of emotion. It's been amazing, eye-opening, breathtaking, and painful. I wish I could say that it has been all good, but the truth is that it hasn't. There have been some hard things, some hurtful things that I have experienced along the way. I have had my feelings hurt. I have been rejected. I have been lied on. I have lived life with some of the same things that you have, but I am determined that I'm leaving the hurt in 2017.

God has been healing my heart for several months in an area, but over the weekend He instructed me to leave the hurt behind. I want to pass that truth to you. Yes, I know this is a marriage ministry, but I am convinced that if you as an individual don't heal your marriage will struggle to heal. You will project your hurt, your frustrations, and your pain onto your spouse. Or maybe it was your spouse that hurt or offended you. If you have decided to move on together, you must leave the offense right here. You can't take it with you! It's too heavy. It costs too much. It will prevent you from flying high. Don't take it one day further.

How? I'm glad you asked!

You have to make a decision. You have to choose. Do you want to continue cycling through your emotions or do you want to be free. Every great deliverance starts with a choice. Just like Joshua told the children of Israel in Joshua 24:15 you have to make a choice TODAY. Will you serve God wholeheartedly or will you continue to bow to the idols of your feelings and emotions? If you choose God and His way, you will cross over into His promises. If you choose your way, you will remain where you are.

God is calling you out of hurt and pain this year, into a place of joy and freedom. Will you respond? Will you decide that your feelings will not rule? If you are going to be all that God has called you to be, if you are going to do all that He has called you to do, you can not take these feelings into your next place, your new year. It will not be easy. Like Paul said, you are going to have to reach out and keep your eye on the goal (or as the NKJV says, PRESS). I assure you, however, that it will be worth it. I want you to be off and running toward your destiny! That means you can't take this with you!!!

Monday's Marriage Moment -- What Do You Have Left?

A certain woman of the wives of the sons of the prophets cried out to Elisha, saying, “Your servant my husband is dead, and you know that your servant feared the Lord. And the creditor is coming to take my two sons to be his slaves.” So Elisha said to her, “What shall I do for you? Tell me, what do you have in the house?” And she said, “Your maidservant has nothing in the house but a jar of oil.”
-2 Kings 4:1 -2

I know that many of us are already thinking about 2018, and that is not a bad thing. It is important to plan ahead. There are great things that we want to accomplish, and there are great things in store. However, I don't want you to get so busy thinking about next year that you forget there is still time left in 2017. There are 41 days left to work on the vision God gave you for this year. There are 41 days left to create a new habit or break an old one. There are 41 days left to give finish strong.

Many times we don't think what we have left is significant. Maybe we are in a rough place in our marriage. Perhaps, you feel as if you have given your energy and strength, and you just have a little bit left. Maybe you or your spouse is facing a health challenge. It may feel that you have given all you have to press through this time or maintain a sense of normalcy where there has been chaos.
It's been tough, and you feel like giving up.

I imagine that is how the widow woman in our text felt. She has lost her husband, and she can't afford to take care of her sons. They are in danger of being taken away, and she feels like all hope is lost. She encounters Elisha, and he asks her an odd question: What do you have in the house? It's interesting because he switches the conversation from what she is missing to what she has. She almost discounts it herself. Note her response: nothing but a jar of oil. She doesn't see the possibilities and potential in the little that she has, but Elisha does. Her little bit is all that she needs to be blessed. Her little bit is all the she needs to start an "oil business". Her little bit is all that she needs to take care of her family.

Maybe you have lost a lot this year. Maybe it seems that you are under pressure. My question to you is the same one that Elisha asked the widow woman: What do you have in your house? What's in your spiritual house? Do you have a little faith? Do you have a little courage? Is there a little love in there? If so, that's all you need to take your marriage to the next level. Just a little bit of discipline is all you need to be the spouse God called you to be. Just a little bit of strength is all you need to get through this challenging time. Just a few more days, 41 to be exact, is all you need to finish this year strong.

I believe that you have more left than you think you do. Assess what you have left. Then use it for the glory of God!