Then the men of David said to him, “This is the day of which the Lord said to you, ‘Behold, I will deliver your enemy into your hand, that you may do to him as it seems good to you.’” And David arose and secretly cut off a corner of Saul’s robe. Now it happened afterward that David’s heart troubled him because he had cut Saul’s robe. And he said to his men, “The Lord forbid that I should do this thing to my master, the Lord’s anointed, to stretch out my hand against him, seeing he is the anointed of the Lord.” So David restrained his servants with these words, and did not allow them to rise against Saul. And Saul got up from the cave and went on his way.
1 Samuel 24:4-7
Sometimes your spouse is wrong. It might look like I miss that fact when I minister to wives, but trust me I know it to be true. Sometimes they are just dead wrong. Sometimes they say something they should not say or do something they should not do, and it is wrong. It hurts you, or it offends you. Your first response could be to lash out or do something wrong as well. After all, we have been conditioned to retaliate. We hurt so we want other to hurt, but can I challenge you today to do something different? Can you stay right even when the situation is wrong?
Like you, I have been on the receiving end of hurt, offense, and betrayal. I am not telling you what I have heard. I know firsthand the ups and downs in marriage. I know the joys of marriage when things are great, and I know the challenges of marriage when they aren't. There have been times that John has said or done something that is wrong or offensive to me. It is at that point that I have a choice. I can respond based on my human nature or the nature of Christ. Many times I have made the wrong choice, but I have learned over time that my response effects me more than it does him.
David had a similar choice to make in 1 Samuel 24. Saul had hurt, offended, and betrayed him too. Saul took it to a totally different level -- he actually tried to kill David. It would be pretty bad if I said he tried to kill David once, but Saul tried to kill David multiple times. What makes it even worse is David was trying to help and comfort Saul all the while. David has had to flee his home, hide in caves, and behave like a crazy man just to survive another day. Finally, David is presented with the chance to get Saul back. He finds Saul lying in a cave asleep, and this is the perfect opportunity to kill Saul. The men who were with him encouraged him to kill him. They even said that God had set this exact opportunity up for him. I'm sure every fiber of David's being wanted Saul dead. No doubt he wanted the madness to end, but do you know what David did? He cut off a corner of Saul's robe and walked away. Yes, you read it correctly...he walked away. See, David realized that he was not accountable to Saul. He was accountable to God. He also realized that God is an amazing vindicator. He will fight our battles for us...if we let Him! Do you realize that? Will you let God fight for you?
Saul was wrong in how he treated David, but David left Saul's judgment up to God. He didn't take matters into his own hands. He didn't render evil for evil. He didn't try to get even. He remained in right position with God. Let me encourage you today. God will take care of you. If you release bitterness, anger, resentment, and wanting to see people pay God will fix the situation. David not only walked away, but he covered Saul. I know that is a foreign concept in this day and age of exposure and everything posted or videoed, but we still need to cover our spouses. That doesn't mean we excuse their wrongs, it means that we don't rise up against them nor do we allow others to do so. Note in the verses above, David restrained his men from rising against Saul. Maybe you aren't tempted to physically kill your spouse (I sure hope not), but your words could be doing a good job of assassinating their character or killing their spirit. Restrain yourself and others.
You will be presented with opportunities to practice this. Determine now that you will stay right in a wrong situation!
Monday, November 13, 2017
Monday, November 6, 2017
Mondays Marriage Moment -- Yes, You Do Need Them!
As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.
Proverbs 27:17
I know. Our culture says things like: I can do bad by myself. I don't need anybody but Jesus. I am good alone. I have heard all of these phrases before. I've even said a few of them myself. I am great at forgiving, but I am also great at cutting people off. When I am done -- I am done. I can love you, forgive you, and be a blessing to you and still opt out of relationship with you. That sounds good to my flesh (maybe yours too). Yet, as I mature I realize that God designed us to live in community. He designed us to need other people. Yes, Dear Friend...need.
As always, this starts at home. You need your spouse. God has given you an amazing person to love, but that person also is there to sharpen you and you are to sharpen them. Yes, God uses the person that you stood before family and friends and promised your love to as a tool to sand off your rough edges. You don't believe me? Have they ever told you something that really annoyed you but later you had to admit they were right? Have they ever casually mentioned a flaw in your character that offended you until you realized there was some truth to it?
I have. John Cheek has told me some hard truths over these last 18 years. Honestly, I didn't always respond well (my response revealed so much about me than it did him, but that is another blog post). Sometimes I lashed out in anger. Sometimes I shut down. As I grow, I am learning to receive the truth even when I don't like it and make necessary changes. You know why? Because he is sharpening me. He is making me a better wife, mother, friend...a better person. God is using John to perfect me. He is using John to prepare me to minister to other women. He is using John in amazing ways.
So, I have determined that I am going to respond well. I am thankful for John, and I am glad that he loves me enough to tell me the truth. I am glad that he can tell me some hard truths so that I can do better. I encourage you to appreciate the spouse that God has given you. Listen for the truths that they are trying to share with you and make necessary changes.
Proverbs 27:17
I know. Our culture says things like: I can do bad by myself. I don't need anybody but Jesus. I am good alone. I have heard all of these phrases before. I've even said a few of them myself. I am great at forgiving, but I am also great at cutting people off. When I am done -- I am done. I can love you, forgive you, and be a blessing to you and still opt out of relationship with you. That sounds good to my flesh (maybe yours too). Yet, as I mature I realize that God designed us to live in community. He designed us to need other people. Yes, Dear Friend...need.
As always, this starts at home. You need your spouse. God has given you an amazing person to love, but that person also is there to sharpen you and you are to sharpen them. Yes, God uses the person that you stood before family and friends and promised your love to as a tool to sand off your rough edges. You don't believe me? Have they ever told you something that really annoyed you but later you had to admit they were right? Have they ever casually mentioned a flaw in your character that offended you until you realized there was some truth to it?
I have. John Cheek has told me some hard truths over these last 18 years. Honestly, I didn't always respond well (my response revealed so much about me than it did him, but that is another blog post). Sometimes I lashed out in anger. Sometimes I shut down. As I grow, I am learning to receive the truth even when I don't like it and make necessary changes. You know why? Because he is sharpening me. He is making me a better wife, mother, friend...a better person. God is using John to perfect me. He is using John to prepare me to minister to other women. He is using John in amazing ways.
So, I have determined that I am going to respond well. I am thankful for John, and I am glad that he loves me enough to tell me the truth. I am glad that he can tell me some hard truths so that I can do better. I encourage you to appreciate the spouse that God has given you. Listen for the truths that they are trying to share with you and make necessary changes.
Monday, October 30, 2017
Monday's Marriage Moment -- In Everything? Yes, In Everything!
in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you
1 Thessalonians 5:18
We are approaching my favorite time of the year -- Thanksgiving! I know many people love Christmas, and I do as well, but Thanksgiving is my favorite. It's the time that loved ones from near and far gather to give thanks. It is a time that is typically filled with laughter, love, and reminiscing on good times.
From what I have witnessed in the world, locally and globally, we need to be more intentional with our thanksgiving. There is so much to complain about -- politics, violence, hate -- but there is so much to be thankful for. The issue is that sometimes we lose sight of the positive because the negative is so readily available.
So, I want to challenge you this November to be thankful. Yeah, I know that you have a lot going on. I know that there are some things that you want and don't have. I know there is some hurt in your life. I know that everything may not be perfect in your marriage, but you can still be thankful. The bible says in everything give thanks. Note that it doesn't say for everything. I may not be thankful for this headache right now, but I am thankful even while I have it. I am thankful that I have a quiet place that I can relax. I am thankful that I can flip the light switch off. I am thankful that I have a family that will give me a moment to get through it. I am thankful that I can afford pain medicine. Do you get the picture?
I want you to find a way every day in the month of November to be intentionally thankful at home! After all, the bible tells us that charity (love) begins there. Can you find a way every day to be thankful for your marriage? thankful for your spouse? I am challenging you to find 30 ways for 30 days to show your appreciation for the one who may often be taken for granted. It is so easy to assume that our spouse knows how much we love them, yet often they feel the most neglected. I know everything may not be perfect between you but be thankful. Your financial situation may not be where you would like it to be but be thankful. You may disagree on some things but still be thankful. Remember, we are told IN EVERYTHING give thanks.
Here are some ideas to get you started:
1 Thessalonians 5:18
We are approaching my favorite time of the year -- Thanksgiving! I know many people love Christmas, and I do as well, but Thanksgiving is my favorite. It's the time that loved ones from near and far gather to give thanks. It is a time that is typically filled with laughter, love, and reminiscing on good times.
From what I have witnessed in the world, locally and globally, we need to be more intentional with our thanksgiving. There is so much to complain about -- politics, violence, hate -- but there is so much to be thankful for. The issue is that sometimes we lose sight of the positive because the negative is so readily available.
So, I want to challenge you this November to be thankful. Yeah, I know that you have a lot going on. I know that there are some things that you want and don't have. I know there is some hurt in your life. I know that everything may not be perfect in your marriage, but you can still be thankful. The bible says in everything give thanks. Note that it doesn't say for everything. I may not be thankful for this headache right now, but I am thankful even while I have it. I am thankful that I have a quiet place that I can relax. I am thankful that I can flip the light switch off. I am thankful that I have a family that will give me a moment to get through it. I am thankful that I can afford pain medicine. Do you get the picture?
I want you to find a way every day in the month of November to be intentionally thankful at home! After all, the bible tells us that charity (love) begins there. Can you find a way every day to be thankful for your marriage? thankful for your spouse? I am challenging you to find 30 ways for 30 days to show your appreciation for the one who may often be taken for granted. It is so easy to assume that our spouse knows how much we love them, yet often they feel the most neglected. I know everything may not be perfect between you but be thankful. Your financial situation may not be where you would like it to be but be thankful. You may disagree on some things but still be thankful. Remember, we are told IN EVERYTHING give thanks.
Here are some ideas to get you started:
- a thank you note
- a piece of his favorite candy
- his favorite meal
- a date night
- hold his/her hand
- a cute pic of yourself sent to his phone
- a just because gift
Watch how your life changes as you show your appreciation!
Monday, October 23, 2017
Monday's Marriage Moment -- Rest is a Weapon!
Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it; unless the Lord guards the city,
the watchman stays awake in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows; for so He gives His beloved sleep.
Psalm 27:1 – 2
Am I the only one who has a lot to do? Of course, I am not. Our schedules are full. We get up early, and we stay up late. We work at our jobs or at our businesses, we run errands, we visit friends and family, we serve in our community, and we participate in our church activities. Just look at the agenda for your week ahead. Is there something on almost everyday? There is for me.
We are busy, and we are tired. Think about it. Have you heard yourself say those very words over the last week -- I am tired? Most of us can admit that we have said them multiple times. We have said them because they are true. By the time we get home from one thing it is time to leave home for another thing. Even when our bodies are at rest our minds are not. We are tired.
I don't think God is pleased with our busyness. Actually, I know that He isn't. We are buying into our culture's hype -- we have to "grind" and "hustle". Yet, God didn't design us to do that. Yes, we have to work, but we also have to rest. See, the enemy is using our busyness to render us ineffective. He can't take our salvation, but he can wear us out and frustrate us so that we don't reap or walk in the benefits of that salvation. When we are tired we are unable to think clearly. We make decisions based on feelings. We are easily upset or offended. When we are fatigued we often don't display Christian attitudes and behaviors.
So, God's word for us today is rest because rest is a weapon. It is a strategic, offensive weapon that we must wield very carefully. We must know how to rest and when to rest. Our bodies need rest so that it can heal itself. Our minds need rest so that we can think rationally. Rest is just as important as activity. We have to stop working ourselves to the point of exhaustion and thinking someone should give us a gold star for doing so. You want to be a better wife? Take a few moments to rest. You want to be a better husband? Take the time to rest. You want to be more effective in ministry? Rest. Rest. Rest. Jesus Himself took the time to get away from the crowd and rest.
So, receive this permission today to rest. Sit back and close your eyes. Quiet your mind. Take a nap if you need to. Say no if you have to. Psalm 127:2 says God gives His beloved sleep. Whatever you do, take the time to rest. Rest is a weapon. Use it well!
the watchman stays awake in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows; for so He gives His beloved sleep.
Psalm 27:1 – 2
Am I the only one who has a lot to do? Of course, I am not. Our schedules are full. We get up early, and we stay up late. We work at our jobs or at our businesses, we run errands, we visit friends and family, we serve in our community, and we participate in our church activities. Just look at the agenda for your week ahead. Is there something on almost everyday? There is for me.
We are busy, and we are tired. Think about it. Have you heard yourself say those very words over the last week -- I am tired? Most of us can admit that we have said them multiple times. We have said them because they are true. By the time we get home from one thing it is time to leave home for another thing. Even when our bodies are at rest our minds are not. We are tired.
I don't think God is pleased with our busyness. Actually, I know that He isn't. We are buying into our culture's hype -- we have to "grind" and "hustle". Yet, God didn't design us to do that. Yes, we have to work, but we also have to rest. See, the enemy is using our busyness to render us ineffective. He can't take our salvation, but he can wear us out and frustrate us so that we don't reap or walk in the benefits of that salvation. When we are tired we are unable to think clearly. We make decisions based on feelings. We are easily upset or offended. When we are fatigued we often don't display Christian attitudes and behaviors.
So, God's word for us today is rest because rest is a weapon. It is a strategic, offensive weapon that we must wield very carefully. We must know how to rest and when to rest. Our bodies need rest so that it can heal itself. Our minds need rest so that we can think rationally. Rest is just as important as activity. We have to stop working ourselves to the point of exhaustion and thinking someone should give us a gold star for doing so. You want to be a better wife? Take a few moments to rest. You want to be a better husband? Take the time to rest. You want to be more effective in ministry? Rest. Rest. Rest. Jesus Himself took the time to get away from the crowd and rest.
So, receive this permission today to rest. Sit back and close your eyes. Quiet your mind. Take a nap if you need to. Say no if you have to. Psalm 127:2 says God gives His beloved sleep. Whatever you do, take the time to rest. Rest is a weapon. Use it well!
Monday, October 16, 2017
Monday's Marriage Moment -- Are You Accountable?
Only be careful that this liberty of yours [this power to choose] does not somehow become a stumbling block [that is, a temptation to sin] to the [weak in conscience].
1 Corinthians 8:9 (AMP)
We are not always right. Occasionally, we need the input and expertise of someone who knows a little more than we do and has experienced a little more. We like the support as long as the people in our circle are agreeing with us and cheering us on, but it becomes a problem when they check us or correct us. We love the cheers, but struggle with the chastisement.
So, we often shut down voices that are contrary to what we believe. We run from accountability. After all, we are free, right? Other people's opinions don't matter, do they? Who cares what they think? We are grown, right? These are the attitudes that seem predominant in our world. Yes, we are grown. Yes, we are free. However, God designed us to live in community. If you review the lives of Moses, Joshua, Paul, and Jesus you will find that they were not only accountable to God, but they were accountable to others as well. God designed us to care for each other, and if we care for each other there must be some level of accountability.
So, what does this have to do with marriage? Everything! We must be accountable to our spouses before we seek accountability elsewhere. We must be accountable for how we steward our children, our finances, and even our time together. Before we are accountable to friends, supervisors, or church leadership we must be accountable at home. We can't just leave home without letting our spouse know that we are gone. We can't spend all the money in the account and not discuss how it was spent. We can't have extramarital relationships. You are free to do all those things, but you are not free from the consequences of doing those things. Remain accountable.
Your spouse should hold you accountable, and you should hold your spouse accountable. You are in this together. Discuss the parameters of your relationship and hold each other to them. Don't fly off the handle if you are corrected or redirected. Choose the relationship over being offended, especially if you are wrong. As I mentioned earlier, we are not always right. Receive correction from your spouse who loves you and has committed to living life with you, raising children with you, and loving you unconditionally. Be accountable!
Monday, October 9, 2017
Monday's Marriage Moment -- Pray Together!
Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven.
-Matthew 18:19
Grab your spouse's hand. Look them in the eye and PRAY. That's right. PRAY! I know a teach often about praying for your spouse, and that is necessary and beneficial, but this morning I need to encourage you to pray with your spouse. Come together as one in that beautiful union that God created and pray! Our world needs our prayers. Our children need our prayers. Our families, finances, and future need our prayers. We can not reserve prayer to a corporate activity that we simply respond, "amen" too. It can't be only individual either. There is power in agreement, and who better to agree with than your spouse?
Why is it that some of us pray with people that we fellowship with more than we do with our spouse? Why do we ask for prayer from our friends, our pastors, and sometimes strangers, but not our spouse?
Why do we get up early or stay up late to make prayer calls, but we don't make the time to pray with the person that is laying right beside us?
We see the best in each other. We see the areas that need improvement. We literally see each other naked and unashamed. We see it all, and we still have the power and ability to stand together in agreement. This is the image that God is looking for in His church -- oneness. Use that full power and authority in oneness and pray! It doesn't have to be eloquent. It doesn't have a specified amount of time. The requirement is simply that it is sincere and directed to God.
Don't offer excuses about how spiritual you think your spouse is. Don't make judgments about their ability or desire to do so. Simply ask them to come together with you and pray. Chances are they will not refuse. Then celebrate the work that God is doing in both of you as you seek to advance His kingdom together.
Pray, Saints! Pray for our nation! Pray for the body of Christ, and its members! Pray that His Kingdom come and His will be done! Pray fervently, passionately, and on purpose! Make it your lifestyle!
Pray together!
-Matthew 18:19
Grab your spouse's hand. Look them in the eye and PRAY. That's right. PRAY! I know a teach often about praying for your spouse, and that is necessary and beneficial, but this morning I need to encourage you to pray with your spouse. Come together as one in that beautiful union that God created and pray! Our world needs our prayers. Our children need our prayers. Our families, finances, and future need our prayers. We can not reserve prayer to a corporate activity that we simply respond, "amen" too. It can't be only individual either. There is power in agreement, and who better to agree with than your spouse?
Why is it that some of us pray with people that we fellowship with more than we do with our spouse? Why do we ask for prayer from our friends, our pastors, and sometimes strangers, but not our spouse?
Why do we get up early or stay up late to make prayer calls, but we don't make the time to pray with the person that is laying right beside us?
We see the best in each other. We see the areas that need improvement. We literally see each other naked and unashamed. We see it all, and we still have the power and ability to stand together in agreement. This is the image that God is looking for in His church -- oneness. Use that full power and authority in oneness and pray! It doesn't have to be eloquent. It doesn't have a specified amount of time. The requirement is simply that it is sincere and directed to God.
Don't offer excuses about how spiritual you think your spouse is. Don't make judgments about their ability or desire to do so. Simply ask them to come together with you and pray. Chances are they will not refuse. Then celebrate the work that God is doing in both of you as you seek to advance His kingdom together.
Pray, Saints! Pray for our nation! Pray for the body of Christ, and its members! Pray that His Kingdom come and His will be done! Pray fervently, passionately, and on purpose! Make it your lifestyle!
Pray together!
Monday, October 2, 2017
Monday's Marriage Moment -- Stop Shadow Boxing!!!
Therefore I run thus: not with uncertainty. Thus I fight: not as one who beats the air.
- 1 Corinthians 9:26
I've made my mind up. I am no longer going to fight unnecessary battles. Nope. Done. No more. I am going to save my energy for the ones that are necessary because there are some that are necessary. It is necessary that I fight for my family, my marriage, and the promises that God has for us. It is not necessary that I fight over opinions, thoughts, or beliefs.
I am learning not to fight unnecessary battles, but I am also learning that I can't fight aimlessly either. I have to fight strategically. In the words of Paul, I can't find as one "who beats the air". The amplified version says "just shadow boxing". In shadow boxing you are throwing punches at no one in particular. You haven't taken aim. You are simply exerting energy.
Anytime that you aim at a person -- your spouse, your coworker, your spiritual brothers or sisters -- you are shadow boxing. You aren't in the ring against your real opponent. You are using them as target practice. The real opponent, Satan, is watching you waste the energy that should be used to defeat him. He is watching us wear ourselves out fighting the wrong person -- shadow boxing.
Stop it. Stop it now. Don't throw another punch. Don't launch another verbal attack. Don't shoot another missile unless you are aiming at the right target. Fight with precision. Fight strategically. If the issue is mistrust deal with the mistrust. If the issue is anger deal with the anger. Use the weapons of your warfare to take the fight where it belongs and make sure that you are aiming at the right target!
Stop shadow boxing!
- 1 Corinthians 9:26
I've made my mind up. I am no longer going to fight unnecessary battles. Nope. Done. No more. I am going to save my energy for the ones that are necessary because there are some that are necessary. It is necessary that I fight for my family, my marriage, and the promises that God has for us. It is not necessary that I fight over opinions, thoughts, or beliefs.
I am learning not to fight unnecessary battles, but I am also learning that I can't fight aimlessly either. I have to fight strategically. In the words of Paul, I can't find as one "who beats the air". The amplified version says "just shadow boxing". In shadow boxing you are throwing punches at no one in particular. You haven't taken aim. You are simply exerting energy.
Anytime that you aim at a person -- your spouse, your coworker, your spiritual brothers or sisters -- you are shadow boxing. You aren't in the ring against your real opponent. You are using them as target practice. The real opponent, Satan, is watching you waste the energy that should be used to defeat him. He is watching us wear ourselves out fighting the wrong person -- shadow boxing.
Stop it. Stop it now. Don't throw another punch. Don't launch another verbal attack. Don't shoot another missile unless you are aiming at the right target. Fight with precision. Fight strategically. If the issue is mistrust deal with the mistrust. If the issue is anger deal with the anger. Use the weapons of your warfare to take the fight where it belongs and make sure that you are aiming at the right target!
Stop shadow boxing!
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