Monday's Marriage Moment - Slow Down! You're Moving Too Fast!

So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.
James 1:19-20

Our culture applauds quick comebacks and witty replies! We celebrate them, make them memes, and re-tweet them. We anger quickly, and we are always - ALWAYS - ready to "get" someone before they "get" us. Our marriages are not exempt from this trend. We don't want to look weak or like we are being taken advantage of, so we must have a comeback locked and loaded just in case.

Here's the thing. God's Word tells us to do the exact opposite. He says through James, "be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath". That means we should ready to listen but slow to respond. Can you imagine what our marriages would be like if we took this advice?

What if we paused to think before we responded? 

What if we paused to pray before we responded? 

What if we didn't respond when it wasn't needed? 

What if we weren't so easily angered?

This beautiful season that we are about to enter can cause us to be hurried and rushed. Our schedules are full, and our patience can become almost non-existent. In our irritation and frustration, we can lash out with our words, and normally those closest to us get the brunt of it. This creates unnecessary tension, chaos, and division.

My advice to you - slow down. I'll say that again. SLOW DOWN!

• Slow down in the mornings. Give yourself ample time to pray and read God's word before you start your day. You'll be amazed at the level of peace you take with you from your prayer time. Your responses will be much more Christ-like, if you have spent time with Him before you start your day.
• Slow down before you say yes. All of the events and activities of the season sound great, but you can overextend yourself by agreeing to every thing. Slow down, weigh your decision, and consult with your spouse before you obligate yourself and your family to attend one more party, service, or event. Check your calendar and check your heart before you say yes to one more thing. These added events create unnecessary pressure, and they can be one more thing that create anger and frustration. Just say no.
• Slow down before you spend unnecessary money. Take a moment before you swipe your card or pull out that cash; why are you purchasing that item? Do you already have something like it? Will it cause financial strain? Should you really buy it? Will this be an argument later?
• Slow down before you let that the long line or the rude person irritate you. Slow down before you snap back at someone. Slow down before you lash out in frustration. Pause. Breathe. Slow down!

Or culture wants everything fast and super efficient, but God is encouraging us to slow down. We must stop and embrace the beauty of this life that He has given us!

What will you do this week to slow down? Let me know in the comments. I'll be in agreement with you!

Monday's Marriage Moment - Marriage - The Great Revealer!

For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy.

1 Corinthians 7:14

Here is a truth for you: marriage is a great revealer! Whether you are a perfect husband or wife or not (none of us are), being married presents lots of opportunities for you to grow and mature. It presents lots of opportunities for you to be selfish or generous, loving or not so loving, compassionate or cold. It provides lots of opportunities for growth. The choice is yours!

See, being married will reveal what is in your heart. It will reveal what your motives really are. It will reveal your character flaws and your strengths. Marriage will show you who you really are.

God designed it that way. He knew that sharing your life with someone would help peel away the facade of who you pretend to be, and expose who you really are - the beauty and the flaws. He knew that being married would cause you to take a good, hard look at yourself. 

There is nothing like living with someone everyday and having to adjust to will reveal how patient you are, how loving you are, or how kind you are (or are not).

There is nothing like having a disagreement with someone who sees the real you and hearing the words that come out of your own mouth - are they edifying and reconciling? peaceful and calming?

What is your marriage revealing about you? Are you as nice as you thought you were? Are you as prayerful and spiritual as you project to others? 

Yes, our marriage is doing what it is supposed to do - revealing things to us about us so that we can be conformed to the image of Christ. That's why I believe God used marriage as a parable for His relationship with the church. He knew that as we become one with our spouse that things would come up that have to come out. He knew that attitudes and issues would need to be addressed, just like He knows that as we become one with Him things will come up and out and have to be addressed. 

He also knew that we needed the help of our spouse to become who He has called us to be. He knew that when we work together, to help perfect each other, people will see His image and His handiwork. He knew that our union, perfectly imperfect, would bring Him ultimate glory.

Perhaps instead of being frustrated, angry, and resentful, we should be more reflective and thankful that God gave us what we needed. 

What has your marriage revealed about you? I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

Monday's Marriage Moment - The Problem with Greater

Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.
-John 15:13

God has something greater in store for you. He has a great plan for your marriage, for your spouse, and for your life. It's so great, in fact, that it is better than any plan that you could possibly come up with.

Greater than your wildest dreams.
Greater than what you are experiencing right now.
Greater than you could even imagine.

The problem with greater is that you have to let go of the things that are lesser. They just don't seem like they are lesser at the time. In order to receive the greatness that God has designed for your marriage, you have to let go of how great it is to get your way. You have to let go of how great it feels to have the last word. You have to let go of thinking only of your needs and wants. You have to let go of the great plan that you had for your own life - where you thought you would be, what you thought you would be doing, who you thought you would be doing it with. Get the picture?

It may feel good at the time to do things your way, but that is hindering you from the great life of peace and joy that God has designed for you. We have to make an exchange. We must give up one thing to receive another.

We must exchange individuality for union and togetherness, we must exchange "my" for "ours", "I" for "we", and "me" for "us". We must exchange something that may seem good for what God assures us is great.

Take an honest look at yourself this week - not your husband. What is God trying to elevate to greatness in you? What is He asking you to lay down so that you can ascend to the greater that He has called you to? Is it an attitude? a behavior? the words that you speak? Is there something in your heart that He is asking you to let go of so that He can grow you and your marriage?

Make the exchange today. Lay down the lesser things so that you can fully access the greater plan God has for your life.

Let me know what you will be laying down in the comments. I am praying with you!

Monday's Marriage Moment - It Didn't Just Happen To Me. It Happened FOR Me. Thank You!

But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive.
-Genesis 50:20

Can you consider the possibility that the hard things you have had to face in marriage (and in life) produced something great in you? I know. Those things hurt like nobody's business, but I want you to shift your perspective for just a minute. Take your focus off of the pain, and put it on what it produced.

Your marriage, and your husband, has helped you to become the person that you are today. If you are anything like me, your marriage has taught you how to pray more sincerely. Your husband has highlighted some issues in your heart that you would have preferred not to face. Being married has made you less selfish and more selfless. It has taught you to see the big picture, to care about someone else's feelings and not just your own, to see that you actions affect more than just you.

See, the devil meant for those issues, those challenges, those heartbreaks, and those setbacks to destroy you. He meant for them to end your marriage, and for some of you, end your life, but today we can stand in victory declaring that we made it through everyone of them...and we have come out better!

So, it didn't just happen to me. It happened for me. Every challenge I've faced and overcome has made me better, stronger, and wiser! Now, I can help someone else. Now, I can show someone else the way. Now, I can lead someone else through the valley of the shadow of death.

Now, I can say thank you. I had a hard time saying it when the tears were streaming down my face. I had a hard time saying it when I wondered if my marriage was going to work. I had a hard time saying it when it seemed like we never had enough, but today I can say it with passion! The tears that stream today aren't flowing because of sadness, but they are flowing because of joy.

God used every obstacle, and for that I say thank you!

Can you think of obstacles that you overcame in marriage? Will you take a moment and thank God for His ability to grow us in even the darkest of places?