Monday's Marriage Moment -- In Everything? Yes, In Everything!

in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you
1 Thessalonians 5:18

We are approaching my favorite time of the year -- Thanksgiving! I know many people love Christmas, and I do as well, but Thanksgiving is my favorite. It's the time that loved ones from near and far gather to give thanks. It is a time that is typically filled with laughter, love, and reminiscing on good times.

From what I have witnessed in the world, locally and globally, we need to be more intentional with our thanksgiving. There is so much to complain about -- politics, violence, hate -- but there is so much to be thankful for. The issue is that sometimes we lose sight of the positive because the negative is so readily available.

So, I want to challenge you this November to be thankful. Yeah, I know that you have a lot going on. I know that there are some things that you want and don't have. I know there is some hurt in your life. I know that everything may not be perfect in your marriage, but you can still be thankful. The bible says in everything give thanks. Note that it doesn't say for everything. I may not be thankful for this headache right now, but I am thankful even while I have it. I am thankful that I have a quiet place that I can relax. I am thankful that I can flip the light switch off. I am thankful that I have a family that will give me a moment to get through it. I am thankful that I can afford pain medicine. Do you get the picture?

I want you to find a way every day in the month of November to be intentionally thankful at home! After all, the bible tells us that charity (love) begins there. Can you find a way every day to be thankful for your marriage? thankful for your spouse? I am challenging you to find 30 ways for 30 days to show your appreciation for the one who may often be taken for granted. It is so easy to assume that our spouse knows how much we love them, yet often they feel the most neglected. I know everything may not be perfect between you but be thankful. Your financial situation may not be where you would like it to be but be thankful. You may disagree on some things but still be thankful. Remember, we are told IN EVERYTHING give thanks.

Here are some ideas to get you started:

• a thank you note
• a piece of his favorite candy
• his favorite meal
• a date night
• hold his/her hand
• a cute pic of yourself sent to his phone
• a just because gift

Watch how your life changes as you show your appreciation!

Monday's Marriage Moment -- Rest is a Weapon!

Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it; unless the Lord guards the city,
the watchman stays awake in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows; for so He gives His beloved sleep.
Psalm 27:1 – 2

Am I the only one who has a lot to do? Of course, I am not. Our schedules are full. We get up early, and we stay up late. We work at our jobs or at our businesses, we run errands, we visit friends and family, we serve in our community, and we participate in our church activities. Just look at the agenda for your week ahead. Is there something on almost everyday? There is for me.

We are busy, and we are tired. Think about it. Have you heard yourself say those very words over the last week -- I am tired? Most of us can admit that we have said them multiple times. We have said them because they are true. By the time we get home from one thing it is time to leave home for another thing. Even when our bodies are at rest our minds are not. We are tired.

I don't think God is pleased with our busyness. Actually, I know that He isn't. We are buying into our culture's hype -- we have to "grind" and "hustle". Yet, God didn't design us to do that. Yes, we have to work, but we also have to rest. See, the enemy is using our busyness to render us ineffective. He can't take our salvation, but he can wear us out and frustrate us so that we don't reap or walk in the benefits of that salvation. When we are tired we are unable to think clearly. We make decisions based on feelings. We are easily upset or offended. When we are fatigued we often don't display Christian attitudes and behaviors.

So, God's word for us today is rest because rest is a weapon. It is a strategic, offensive weapon that we must wield very carefully. We must know how to rest and when to rest. Our bodies need rest so that it can heal itself. Our minds need rest so that we can think rationally. Rest is just as important as activity. We have to stop working ourselves to the point of exhaustion and thinking someone should give us a gold star for doing so. You want to be a better wife? Take a few moments to rest. You want to be a better husband? Take the time to rest. You want to be more effective in ministry? Rest. Rest. Rest. Jesus Himself took the time to get away from the crowd and rest.

So, receive this permission today to rest. Sit back and close your eyes. Quiet your mind. Take a nap if you need to. Say no if you have to. Psalm 127:2 says God gives His beloved sleep. Whatever you do, take the time to rest. Rest is a weapon. Use it well!

Monday's Marriage Moment -- Are You Accountable?

Only be careful that this liberty of yours [this power to choose] does not somehow become a stumbling block [that is, a temptation to sin] to the [weak in conscience].
1 Corinthians 8:9 (AMP)

We are not always right. Occasionally, we need the input and expertise of someone who knows a little more than we do and has experienced a little more. We like the support as long as the people in our circle are agreeing with us and cheering us on, but it becomes a problem when they check us or correct us. We love the cheers, but struggle with the chastisement.

So, we often shut down voices that are contrary to what we believe. We run from accountability. After all, we are free, right? Other people's opinions don't matter, do they? Who cares what they think? We are grown, right? These are the attitudes that seem predominant in our world. Yes, we are grown. Yes, we are free. However, God designed us to live in community. If you review the lives of Moses, Joshua, Paul, and Jesus you will find that they were not only accountable to God, but they were accountable to others as well. God designed us to care for each other, and if we care for each other there must be some level of accountability.

So, what does this have to do with marriage? Everything! We must be accountable to our spouses before we seek accountability elsewhere. We must be accountable for how we steward our children, our finances, and even our time together. Before we are accountable to friends, supervisors, or church leadership we must be accountable at home. We can't just leave home without letting our spouse know that we are gone. We can't spend all the money in the account and not discuss how it was spent. We can't have extramarital relationships. You are free to do all those things, but you are not free from the consequences of doing those things. Remain accountable.

Your spouse should hold you accountable, and you should hold your spouse accountable. You are in this together. Discuss the parameters of your relationship and hold each other to them. Don't fly off the handle if you are corrected or redirected. Choose the relationship over being offended, especially if you are wrong. As I mentioned earlier, we are not always right. Receive correction from your spouse who loves you and has committed to living life with you, raising children with you, and loving you unconditionally. Be accountable!

Monday's Marriage Moment -- Pray Together!

Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven.
-Matthew 18:19

Grab your spouse's hand. Look them in the eye and PRAY. That's right. PRAY! I know a teach often about praying for your spouse, and that is necessary and beneficial, but this morning I need to encourage you to pray with your spouse. Come together as one in that beautiful union that God created and pray! Our world needs our prayers. Our children need our prayers. Our families, finances, and future need our prayers. We can not reserve prayer to a corporate activity that we simply respond, "amen" too. It can't be only individual either. There is power in agreement, and who better to agree with than your spouse?

Why is it that some of us pray with people that we fellowship with more than we do with our spouse? Why do we ask for prayer from our friends, our pastors, and sometimes strangers, but not our spouse?
Why do we get up early or stay up late to make prayer calls, but we don't make the time to pray with the person that is laying right beside us?

We see the best in each other. We see the areas that need improvement. We literally see each other naked and unashamed. We see it all, and we still have the power and ability to stand together in agreement. This is the image that God is looking for in His church -- oneness. Use that full power and authority in oneness and pray! It doesn't have to be eloquent. It doesn't have a specified amount of time. The requirement is simply that it is sincere and directed to God.

Don't offer excuses about how spiritual you think your spouse is. Don't make judgments about their ability or desire to do so. Simply ask them to come together with you and pray. Chances are they will not refuse. Then celebrate the work that God is doing in both of you as you seek to advance His kingdom together.

Pray, Saints! Pray for our nation! Pray for the body of Christ, and its members! Pray that His Kingdom come and His will be done! Pray fervently, passionately, and on purpose! Make it your lifestyle!

Pray together!

Monday's Marriage Moment -- Stop Shadow Boxing!!!

Therefore I run thus: not with uncertainty. Thus I fight: not as one who beats the air.
- 1 Corinthians 9:26

I've made my mind up. I am no longer going to fight unnecessary battles. Nope. Done. No more. I am going to save my energy for the ones that are necessary because there are some that are necessary. It is necessary that I fight for my family, my marriage, and the promises that God has for us. It is not necessary that I fight over opinions, thoughts, or beliefs.

I am learning not to fight unnecessary battles, but I am also learning that I can't fight aimlessly either. I have to fight strategically. In the words of Paul, I can't find as one "who beats the air". The amplified version says "just shadow boxing". In shadow boxing you are throwing punches at no one in particular. You haven't taken aim. You are simply exerting energy.

Anytime that you aim at a person -- your spouse, your coworker, your spiritual brothers or sisters -- you are shadow boxing. You aren't in the ring against your real opponent. You are using them as target practice. The real opponent, Satan, is watching you waste the energy that should be used to defeat him. He is watching us wear ourselves out fighting the wrong person -- shadow boxing.

Stop it. Stop it now. Don't throw another punch. Don't launch another verbal attack. Don't shoot another missile unless you are aiming at the right target. Fight with precision. Fight strategically. If the issue is mistrust deal with the mistrust. If the issue is anger deal with the anger. Use the weapons of your warfare to take the fight where it belongs and make sure that you are aiming at the right target!

Stop shadow boxing!