Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word - Ephesians 5:22 - 26
In case you haven't figured it out by now, I love being married. I love being able to share the ups and downs of life with my husband. I love that I can lean and depend on him. As much as I love it, I am the first to admit that it is not easy. I wish that someone would have pulled me to the side before I said "I do" and told me the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. I was not prepared. I have faced many bumps and bruises along the way because I went into marriage naively and selfishly. I don't know that there is a class or a series of counseling sessions that will prepare you to be a wife, but I believe that knowledge is power. So, this morning, I write this letter to my single self in hopes that it will encourage a single person and remind a married person of what God's idea of marriage really is.
Dear Single Me,
I will be the first to tell you that marriage is great. God certainly knew what He was doing when he created two people to become "one flesh". There is great joy in oneness. As you anticipate the joy and wonder of being united with your spouse, you should also prepare yourself for all that comes with it. See, Christ chose marriage to reflect His relationship with mankind because it is a living metaphor for sacrificial love. All of those wonderful attributes you read in 1 Corinthians 13 must be played out between a husband and wife on a daily basis. Long after the wedding dress has been put away and the ceremony has ended, the love you feel for your spouse must endure. You think that love is that warm, fuzzy feeling that you get when you hold hands or look into each others eyes. Love is more than that. Paul describes love as patient, kind, forgiving, and sacrificial. Love believes the best. Love esteems others higher than yourself.
Single Me, God's order is very clear -- God, spouse, family, then everything else. You must love God first. He has to be the priority in your life. Why? Because your relationship with Him determines how you will relate with others. If you haven't solidified your relationship with Christ please take the time to do that before you try to build a life with someone else. Your boo can not be your god. Your job can not be your god. Abba Father, God Almighty, is the only one who can have that role. Choose now to make Him Lord of your life and determine that no one will take His place. Next in order is your spouse -- not your mom, not your best friend, but your spouse. He/She must be the next priority in your life. They have to know that they are important to you. This will require you to make some hard choices. You can't choose your friends over your spouse. You can't choose church over your spouse. You can't choose work over your spouse. Single Me, it has taken me years to get this principle right. Please don't make the mistakes that I did. Trust God's order. You and your spouse must be a team. You must support each other. You have to be on the same page. If you can't see yourself living out Ephesians 5:22-26 you may want to wait before marriage.
Single Me, this last one is pretty big: don't live life based on your feelings. You will be madly in love one minute and wanting to physically harm someone the next. Love is so much more than a feeling. It is a choice. You must choose to love sometimes without the feelings to back it up. You may not feel like cooking dinner, but if that is what is needed you have to do it. You choose to do things because you love your spouse not because of emotions. So, when you get angry or frustrated don't lash out based on those emotions. Respond in love. When you want things to change, act in love. Remain patient. Remain kind. Don't lash out or have a fit. Don't keep score. Choose to love and believe the best.
Single Me, I have seen the other side. I know that God has a good plan. It doesn't mean that you won't experience challenges or trials, but it does mean that every victory outweighs every struggle. I want you to choose God's way now. Don't waste days, months, or even years trying to do it your way. His way produces peace. Enjoy your marriage, and enjoy your life!
Lovingly,
Happily Married Me
Monday, February 27, 2017
Monday, February 20, 2017
Monday's Marriage Moment - Prioritize!
the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.
Titus 2:3-5
Have you ever been confronted with truth to the point that it hurt your feelings? I mean it hit you so hard that it knocked the wind out of you? I have. I was reflecting this morning on a time a few years ago that I experienced that "knock you down" kind of truth. I thought things were going well, but then my husband said this to me, "Babe, you don't prioritize me". He then began to cite for me a list of supporting facts for his case. I was devastated. My first response was defense: what do you mean I don't prioritize you? I listed all of the stuff that I did as a wife and mother. Yet, when the conversation ended my thoughts kept going. John was right. It hurts to acknowledge that even now. See, I was preaching and teaching the gospel. I know what the word says about wives. That's my niche. That's my thing. I know that "the sanctified wife sanctifies the husband", but I didn't realize that I wasn't with mine enough to have the desired effect. I stayed at home every night, but I wasn't giving him the time and attention that I should have. My calendar and schedule was full -- work, bible study, meetings, practices, and the list goes on and on. Go to dinner with this friend. Spend some time with this couple. Write the book. By the time I finished all that I needed to do all I wanted to do was go to bed. I was presenting John with what was left. I literally cringed when I wrote that last line, but it is the truth. I found that I was sharing things with my friends that I wasn't sharing with him. I was more involved with myself than I was with him. So, God loved me enough to confront me with truth, and he used my husband to do it. Sometimes, we can hear truth from everyone but the one that is closest to us, but I had to hear it straight from him. Instead of him leaving me or shutting me down he told me the truth, and I love him for it. Today, I am much better because of it. There are still times that I struggle with balance, but I have come a long way. I still minister and serve in the kingdom. God is even leading me to move forward with a regular teaching assignment, but I will not let it cost me my marriage. I will follow God's order: God, husband, family, and then everything else. Sometimes that means that I have to say no to some good things: meetings, conferences, etc. Yet, ultimately, I am saying yes to God every time. I am determined that I am going to please God with my life and my service. I am going to live the principles that He has set forth in His word. These choices may garner some raised eyebrows and side eyes from others, but if it gets a smile from God it is well worth it. Choose wisely, friends! Listen to your spouse. Really listen. Hear both what they are saying and what they aren't saying. Spend time with them. Look at your calendar and your schedule. Think about how you spend your time. Does it demonstrate that your spouse is a priority? If not, what can you do?
Monday, February 13, 2017
Monday's Marriage Moment -- Mind Your Own Business!
And that ye study to be quiet, and to do your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you
-1 Thessalonians 4:11
I know that the title for today's Marriage Moment sounds a little rude, but if you know me, you know that it is not. I am not telling you this as the mean kid on the playground or the sassy lady with an attitude. I am telling you one sister to another -- mind your own business! If you want peace, a sound mind, and more energy to do what matters -- mind your own business! God reminded me of this great peace of wisdom just this morning. I woke up twirling something over and over in my mind. I noticed an issue yesterday with someone who I love and respect greatly. I reached out, but I got a response that caused me even more concern. The person wasn't rude to me or anything, but I know where this road leads. I see the warning signs and flashing lights that say "stop" and "danger". I wanted to offer my opinion about the matter. I wanted to offer well-meaning advice. Yet, as I lay in my bed rolling the whole thing over in my mind I clearly heard God say that it was none of my business. He was right (as always). It really isn't. The issue that I saw really doesn't concern me directly. It involves other adults making decisions that they feel is best for something that belongs to them -- not me. I have to be careful because I will get so involved that the issue will get into my heart and affect how I see people. It will affect my thoughts about those people. It will affect how I treat people. I can't afford to let that happen. So, why would I get involved? Why do I have an opinion that I think needs to be shared? Yes, we must care for each other and help our loved ones to avoid pitfalls. However, that doesn't mean that we take on the care of others or prevent them from growing through their own challenges. It is in my nature to defend those who I think need defending or speak for those who I think have no voice, but is every battle really mine? I am a wife, mother, writer, minister, educator, friend, sister,etc., etc., etc. Do I really have the time and energy to take on things that do not belong to me? Maybe I am so busy being "every woman" and "superwoman" that I am not being the woman God created me to be. Every issue is not your issue. Your friends stuff is not your stuff. Your husbands stuff is not your stuff. Listen to them. Love on them. But don't internalize it and make it yours. Devote your energy to what God has put in your hands -- your spouse, your children, your ministry, your career. So, when something comes up at church or at work that doesn't concern you directly -- that's not your business. When you see something crazy that isn't personal -- that's not your business. Imagine all the time and freedom you are going to have when you focus only on the things that God tells you to! My quote for today: that's none of my business!
-1 Thessalonians 4:11
I know that the title for today's Marriage Moment sounds a little rude, but if you know me, you know that it is not. I am not telling you this as the mean kid on the playground or the sassy lady with an attitude. I am telling you one sister to another -- mind your own business! If you want peace, a sound mind, and more energy to do what matters -- mind your own business! God reminded me of this great peace of wisdom just this morning. I woke up twirling something over and over in my mind. I noticed an issue yesterday with someone who I love and respect greatly. I reached out, but I got a response that caused me even more concern. The person wasn't rude to me or anything, but I know where this road leads. I see the warning signs and flashing lights that say "stop" and "danger". I wanted to offer my opinion about the matter. I wanted to offer well-meaning advice. Yet, as I lay in my bed rolling the whole thing over in my mind I clearly heard God say that it was none of my business. He was right (as always). It really isn't. The issue that I saw really doesn't concern me directly. It involves other adults making decisions that they feel is best for something that belongs to them -- not me. I have to be careful because I will get so involved that the issue will get into my heart and affect how I see people. It will affect my thoughts about those people. It will affect how I treat people. I can't afford to let that happen. So, why would I get involved? Why do I have an opinion that I think needs to be shared? Yes, we must care for each other and help our loved ones to avoid pitfalls. However, that doesn't mean that we take on the care of others or prevent them from growing through their own challenges. It is in my nature to defend those who I think need defending or speak for those who I think have no voice, but is every battle really mine? I am a wife, mother, writer, minister, educator, friend, sister,etc., etc., etc. Do I really have the time and energy to take on things that do not belong to me? Maybe I am so busy being "every woman" and "superwoman" that I am not being the woman God created me to be. Every issue is not your issue. Your friends stuff is not your stuff. Your husbands stuff is not your stuff. Listen to them. Love on them. But don't internalize it and make it yours. Devote your energy to what God has put in your hands -- your spouse, your children, your ministry, your career. So, when something comes up at church or at work that doesn't concern you directly -- that's not your business. When you see something crazy that isn't personal -- that's not your business. Imagine all the time and freedom you are going to have when you focus only on the things that God tells you to! My quote for today: that's none of my business!
Monday, February 6, 2017
Monday's Marriage Moment -- Right or Righteous?
If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. - Romans 12:18
As a math teacher, I am trained to identify what is right and to correct what is wrong. It is in my nature. To be honest, I like it. That's the beauty of math: it is either right or wrong. There is none of that shady gray area stuff like in Language Arts. The thought of choosing the best answer always bothered me. I wanted a clear right or wrong. I had no idea why the author wrote the poem or what he was feeling when he did. Just let me solve for x and go on with my day. In many ways, I have carried that ability to identify and correct right and wrong into every area of my life. I often think I know not only what is right, but what is best for me and everyone involved. I take pride in it sometimes, actually. However, my being right does not always lead to righteousness. Sometimes it leads to strife. I have held onto what I think was right, or how others were wrong, and let it cause division, bitterness, and loss of fellowship. God has impressed upon me for the last couple of weeks that holding on to being right over demonstrating his love and righteousness is just wrong. If someone mistreats you, your assessment of the situation could very well be right. Maybe it is true that they lied on you. It could be true that they stole something from you. It could be true that they damaged your relationship. You would be right in your assessment of the situation, but could your response be wrong? Is your response one of bitterness, anger, or resentment? Do you speak negatively of them? Do you have a reaction when someone speaks positively about them? Do you simply not want to hear about them at all? Is there anything in your heart that does not wish them well? Seriously, let God evaluate the state of your heart. In Romans 12:18, we are admonished to live at peace with one another. The precursor for that statement is "as much as depends on you". That means we have to do our part. We have to reach out to those who we would rather avoid. We have to try to mend fences that our natural selves would rather leave broken. Do you know how many times I have had to humble myself and reach out to someone who I knew did not have my best interest in mind? I have had to conduct some serious heart checks over the past few weeks, and I have determined that I am going to love God and His people. Truly, friends, we can not say we love God and not love His people. So, I am going to treat people right even when they don't do the same to me. I am not going to hide behind the fact that I don't see them every day or have to deal with them. I am going to honestly assess my heart, and cooperate with God to do my part. That looks different in different situations, but here are a couple of examples: 1) if you have forgiven your spouse, you have to stop bringing it up -- do your part to live at peace 2) if someone hurt you, address the issue -- do your part to live at peace 3) if the mention of someone's name or their success causes a response from you, ask God to reveal what is in your heart and take whatever steps he tells you do -- do your part to live at peace. I know it is hard, but before we get into "Cheek, you don't know what they did to me", take a look at Jesus, your Lord and Savior. He is our example, right? As a matter of fact, He is the ultimate example. He was totally right in every way. When they led Him to the cross, for a crime He did not commit, they were wrong. When they yelled, "crucify Him", they were wrong. They beat Him. They mocked Him. They nailed His hands and feet. They put a crown of thorns on His head. All of their actions were wrong. You know what He did in response? Luke 23:34: "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do". He prayed to God for their forgiveness. Since He and the Father are one, that means He forgave them as well. Today needs to be the day that you forgive some people. Maybe you just start with praying for them. I am not asking you to "let go" or "move on". That often sounds great, and it is a wonderful message, but the truth is sometimes you have to work through. Work through whatever is in your heart, and choose righteousness over being right. You have too much at stake. God has a great plan for your life. Don't forfeit it by holding on to what they did to you or how it made you feel. Don't hold on to "they are not right". It's just not worth it.
As a math teacher, I am trained to identify what is right and to correct what is wrong. It is in my nature. To be honest, I like it. That's the beauty of math: it is either right or wrong. There is none of that shady gray area stuff like in Language Arts. The thought of choosing the best answer always bothered me. I wanted a clear right or wrong. I had no idea why the author wrote the poem or what he was feeling when he did. Just let me solve for x and go on with my day. In many ways, I have carried that ability to identify and correct right and wrong into every area of my life. I often think I know not only what is right, but what is best for me and everyone involved. I take pride in it sometimes, actually. However, my being right does not always lead to righteousness. Sometimes it leads to strife. I have held onto what I think was right, or how others were wrong, and let it cause division, bitterness, and loss of fellowship. God has impressed upon me for the last couple of weeks that holding on to being right over demonstrating his love and righteousness is just wrong. If someone mistreats you, your assessment of the situation could very well be right. Maybe it is true that they lied on you. It could be true that they stole something from you. It could be true that they damaged your relationship. You would be right in your assessment of the situation, but could your response be wrong? Is your response one of bitterness, anger, or resentment? Do you speak negatively of them? Do you have a reaction when someone speaks positively about them? Do you simply not want to hear about them at all? Is there anything in your heart that does not wish them well? Seriously, let God evaluate the state of your heart. In Romans 12:18, we are admonished to live at peace with one another. The precursor for that statement is "as much as depends on you". That means we have to do our part. We have to reach out to those who we would rather avoid. We have to try to mend fences that our natural selves would rather leave broken. Do you know how many times I have had to humble myself and reach out to someone who I knew did not have my best interest in mind? I have had to conduct some serious heart checks over the past few weeks, and I have determined that I am going to love God and His people. Truly, friends, we can not say we love God and not love His people. So, I am going to treat people right even when they don't do the same to me. I am not going to hide behind the fact that I don't see them every day or have to deal with them. I am going to honestly assess my heart, and cooperate with God to do my part. That looks different in different situations, but here are a couple of examples: 1) if you have forgiven your spouse, you have to stop bringing it up -- do your part to live at peace 2) if someone hurt you, address the issue -- do your part to live at peace 3) if the mention of someone's name or their success causes a response from you, ask God to reveal what is in your heart and take whatever steps he tells you do -- do your part to live at peace. I know it is hard, but before we get into "Cheek, you don't know what they did to me", take a look at Jesus, your Lord and Savior. He is our example, right? As a matter of fact, He is the ultimate example. He was totally right in every way. When they led Him to the cross, for a crime He did not commit, they were wrong. When they yelled, "crucify Him", they were wrong. They beat Him. They mocked Him. They nailed His hands and feet. They put a crown of thorns on His head. All of their actions were wrong. You know what He did in response? Luke 23:34: "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do". He prayed to God for their forgiveness. Since He and the Father are one, that means He forgave them as well. Today needs to be the day that you forgive some people. Maybe you just start with praying for them. I am not asking you to "let go" or "move on". That often sounds great, and it is a wonderful message, but the truth is sometimes you have to work through. Work through whatever is in your heart, and choose righteousness over being right. You have too much at stake. God has a great plan for your life. Don't forfeit it by holding on to what they did to you or how it made you feel. Don't hold on to "they are not right". It's just not worth it.
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